The other day I had the opportunity to grab coffee with Al Andrews. Al runs Porter’s Call, a non-profit counseling center that provides free counseling for musicians and their families in Franklin, Tennessee. It’s an incredibly beautiful ministry and the only way I was able to get some time with Al is because he finds my breakdancing skills so lyrical.

Actually, it’s because he was college roommates with my dad and has been a fixture in our family for years. I was overwhelmed by the hour we spent together and when I tried to capture it, there was only one way to properly tweet it:

“Had coffee and an amazing conversation with @itsalandrews yesterday. It felt like stopping at Rivendell in the midst of a big adventure.”

Without even thinking about it at first, I rolled out a Lord of the Rings reference, which is quintessential stuff Christians like. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized what we really like is to create obscure Lord of the Rings references.

They can’t just be standard. They can’t just be obvious. They need to come from a deep place of Christian nerddom. They have to be layered. Confused? Don’t be, here are 5 ways to make an obscure Lord of the Rings reference:

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The end of “Lost” has created a sermon illustration vacuum. Pastors and church members across the country are staring into the gaping maw of this sermon illustration void with concern and trepidation.

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I want to see the new movie “Get him to the Greek,” but when I saw the trailer, my “nudity warning system” or NWS went off. It’s like Spiderman’s danger detecting spidey sense only it allows me to detect possible toplessness.

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Next to Frisbee and breaking up with someone we’re dating after a church retreat, I think making fun of the movie “Facing the Giants” might be one of our favorite hobbies.

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I’ve made no secret of my affection for pastor Matt Chandler of the Village Church. Of any pastor I’ve heard, he most closely does what I want to do with my writing. He brings the truth in an honest, stripped down, Bible based way that is not afraid to use satire and humor to get at the point. I’ve never met him, but I once hid behind a pole at a restaurant while he talked with Anne Jackson. I’m pretty cool.

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Last week I spoke at the Clemson University Fellowship of Christians Athletes. There were maybe 500 or 600 people.

To me, that felt like about 27,000

The folks at Clemson told me that was small.

I can’t believe what they’ve got going on there. On most Thursday nights, 800-1,200 students are filing into that auditorium and there’s not an adult in sight. It’s all student led. At 33 I was one of the oldest people in the room. It was just amazing.

But why was attendance so low the night I spoke?

Because I have a unibrow? Nope.

Because the smarter/hotter of the two Acuffs, my wife, did not come with me? Nope.

Because Thursday is “must see TV” night? Nope.

Those are all good guesses, but the reason attendance was about half the size it should have been is pretty simple …

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