Laughter is a gift from God. When we refuse to accept it, it makes Him want to take it back. Like the unicorns.

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111. The Five Love Languages

books/ love April 3, 2008 • Comments

If you’ve never read this book, I can only assume that you communicate with your spouse through a series of caveman like grunts and growls. Seriously, save for the Bible, I don’t think there is another book that has so significantly shaped the way Christian couples interact with each other. The concept of it is simple: There are five ways we like to give and receive communication. Unfortunately, sarcasm is not one of them. For instance, I like to receive words of affirmation and give gifts. My wife likes to give and receive acts of service. So if I do something around the house, like trap one of the squirrels that was living in our attic like it was a vermin penthouse, she is really happy. But if I give her lots of gifts or tell her how awesome she is, she’s not that impressed.

It’s honestly a good book, but you know Gary Chapman could not resist the urge to turn it into an empire. Here are some other versions of the original idea:
  1. The Five Love Languages Men’s Edition

  2. The Five Languages of Apology

  3. The Five Love Languages of Children

  4. The Five Love Languages of Teenagers

  5. Now You’re Speaking My Language

  6. Five Signs of a Loving Family

  7. The Five Love Languages of Gothic Teens that Listen to My Chemical Romance and shop exclusively at “Hot Topics”
One of those is fake.

(Special thanks to all the folks that suggested this one.)

110. Donald Miller

books April 3, 2008 • Comments

Whenever I sit down to write, I silently and automatically think in my head, “WWDD?” By that I of course mean, “What would Donald Write?” There’s a part of me that so loves his writing style that usually my first draft of anything is simply the “Donald Miller” draft. But it’s fake, not because he is, but because what I’ve written is not the truth but rather what I think a Christian author should say. And so what I write sounds really holy and Godly but is actually a pack of loosely packed lies. But Donald Miller is great.

And I think he’s great because he’s honest. He was one of the first Christian authors for me that really seemed to share his scars, to roll up his sleeves and expose his bruises. Whether that was about his absent father or his dreams to move some where that had more “green places” on a map. He writes like a friend talking to a close friend, not like a Christian on a platform sharing wisdom. And he’s a really nice guy. My parents are friends with him. Before “Blue Like Jazz” exploded and he moved on up like the Jeffersons, beans don’t fry in the kitchen, he stayed at my parents’ house for about a week writing. I spoke with him once on the phone, a story that I have admittedly tried to make more out of in the hopes that other Christians that like him will in turn like me. He was kind and encouraging and told me my background in writing advertising would serve me well when it came to writing books and inside the cover of the issue of Blue Like Jazz he gave me, he wrote, “I can’t tell you how much I love your parents and home.” And that was a really cool, unnecessary thing for a guy about to sell a million books to say.

So I heart Donald Miller.

p.s. what Christian author do you think is going to be the “next” Donald Miller?

109. Baby Crack and Veggie Tales

Kids April 3, 2008 • Comments

Before I write a short love letter to Veggie Tales let me share 3 things you need to know about children’s television:

1. Baby Einstein is the equivalent of baby crack. Seriously, turn on one and your screaming kid will become comatose as colorful shapes spin and bears dance and toys shimmer across the screen to Mozart. The only issue is that if you’re ever out and about and your kid hears classical music, they’ll start jonesin’ for a fix.

2. The show Caillou will make your kid afraid of everything on the planet. This is the only cartoon character I have ever wanted to punch. He whines and cries and whimpers his way through the entire program. Avoid at all costs.

3. No one knows what the Doodlebops are but trust me, they are terrifying. Their ears are kind of tucked into a flap of skin, they are ungodly good at playing instruments and breakdancing on buses and one of them can shrink his body down into impossibly small spaces.

There, I feel worlds better. But honestly, I love Veggie Tales. It’s creative, imaginative and has enough adult humor to keep me engaged. The best song is the cheeseburger song, there can be no debate on this point, but all of their stuff is good.

My one issue is that when we went to the “Pirates the Don’t Do Anything” movie in the theater, they didn’t start the movie with their theme song. It was like going to see U2 and Bono refusing to do “One” or “Where the Streets Have No Name.” My two year old daughter leaned over to me and immediately said, “Not this veggies.” That’s toddler for, “What a poor branding decision. That theme song is an audio trigger that lets me know it’s time to enjoy some Veggie Tales programming. To leave that song out was a foolish, foolish decision on the Director’s part.”

108. Not knowing how to hold hands.

during church April 2, 2008 • Comments

Every now and then, a minister will feel inspired to have everyone in the crowd hold hands. Which of course is awesome. But all too often, I find that Christians violate the three simple rules of hand holding. So as a service to the greater Christian population, I’m like the Billy Graham of sarcasm, I thought I would quickly review the three things you should never do when holding hands with strangers:

1. Interlink your fingers
This is way, way, way too intimate to do if you don’t know me and are not married to me. But some people do it. Instead of doing the “hey pal I know we’re holding hands which is weird but oh well” palm in palm grip, they weave their sweaty fingers between yours. As soon as someone does that to me, the 13-year old in me automatically thinks, “this person is trying to make out with me.” Don’t do this ever.

2. The “you’re great squeeze”

For some reason lots of Christians feel the need to punctuate a good hand hold with a tiny gesture. They want closure. But please, avoid the temptation to end the hand holding session with a “Jesus loves you” squeeze. It’s nowhere near as intimate as interlinking, but it still feels a little creepy coming from a man in his mid-50s that up to 30 seconds ago I had never seen in my entire life.

3. The linger
When it becomes clear that the hand holding is over, I expect you to let go of my hand like a bank robber fleeing the scene of the crime. Seriously, let’s not be the last people pressed together with our hands awkwardly connected. Think of letting go as a race. I want us to win. I want you and I to set new land speed record in letting go. Come on, we can do it. Eye of the tiger. Eye of the freaking tiger.

Those are not the only hand holding techniques or rules if you will, just mine.

What rules do you swear by when it comes to holding hands with strangers at church?

(Thanks to the handful, that was awful of me, of people that suggested this topic.)

107. Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

Church/ church culture April 2, 2008 • Comments

I often get the opportunity to write some advertising and branding for Andy Stanley’s church, North Point. They are a fun client and understand the nuances it takes to advertise a church. But unfortunately some Christians confuse “how creative their message is” with “how loud their message is.” Case in point, last night I heard an ad for a church that is giving away a car. They want you to take their church for a “test drive” so if you visit them you can register to win a new car. When I went to their website I saw they also offered a free continental breakfast on Sundays and an inflatable thing for kids to jump on.

I like advertising. It’s my job and is the reason I am able to wear such comfortable socks and I applaud that church for trying. Seriously, it shows a lot of courage and desire to throw yourself out there, but promotions like this are a little dangerous. And here’s why, when it comes to advertising and sales, customers renew the way they first purchased. By that I mean, if a special sale is why you first bought your watch, then if that watch store ever wants to get you to buy again, they have to run a similar sale. Study after study has shown that we are creatures of habit. We repeat ourselves, so if you attract a big crowd with a car giveaway or hot new worship band or anything else, you create a relationship built on a reward not a redeemer. And when you try to take away that reward you’ll lose a lot of your guests. It’s hard to transition to God when you started the conversation with a gimmick. Besides that, I think they missed some really great headlines for the car promotion:

1. Forget hot rods, come win a God rod.
2. If you liked the free car, you’ll love not burning in hell in a fiery lake of sulfur for eternity.
3. Come for the car, stay for the intimate relationship with a tender savior.
4. Drive home, and to heaven, when you visit this Sunday.

Those were awful, but the truth is that advertising church is not impossible. Lifechurch just did a great campaign where they essentially asked, “what if you only had 31 days to live?” It was powerful, honest and creative. And from what my friends there tell me, it really engaged a lot of people.

106. The side hug.

Misc April 2, 2008 • Comments

This is satire. This is not related to that rap video. As one hate mail pointed out, I am “gangsta as a pocket watch” and as such do not currently possess the flow to create a rap video. Here’s the post I wrote about side hugs in April 2008.

Yes, God wants us to be compassionate and kind and tender with each other. Not only that, but he wants us to love our enemies and serve our neighbors. As long as there is no body on body action. I’m talking of course about a “full frontal hug,” one of those sinful abominations where you just wrap your arms around a friend and embrace them. That’s why Christians the world over have pioneered the “side hug.” In the side hug there’s no risk of two crotches touching. Instead of face to face, you go side to side, putting your arm around the person and your hip against their’s. Still having a hard time mastering it? Pretend you’re taking a photo and you’re both looking at the camera together. The side hug, or A frame as it is also called, is safe for the whole family, friendly and above all holy. I don’t know the exact scripture reference but try the book of Psalms.

(Thanks to the handful of people that suggested side hug. I want to side hug you in thanks.)

Blogs, churches and friends of SCL.

Misc April 2, 2008 • Comments

I have been really fortunate to be supported by some very cool people around the world that have linked to this site. Although I plan to throw treats and candy into the crowd as a thank you if I ever speak at your church, I thought I would show some instant appreciation. I have about 200 more to add to this list, but this is an evolving page of blogs, churches and friends that you might like if you like Stuff Christians Like. Visit them, comment on their sites, tell them I said hello. Chances are, if the people that go to these churches are OK with a post called “Booty, God, Booty,” their church can’t be boring. (And if you want to be on the list just post a comment with your blog link, location and church if you’re cool with that.)

Australia
City = New South Wales
Blog = The Rodeo
Church = Springwood Baptist Church

Canada
City = Surrey
Blog = Grains of Truth

France
City = Avranches
Blog = regardant les nuages

New Zealand
City = Auckland
Blog = Awesome Blog
Church = Life Changers

Misc Locations
Blog = InWorship
Blog = Kaiser Land
Blog = Becoming me thru Him
Blog = Learning about politics

Northern Ireland (United Kingdom)
Blog = From Under the Duvet
Church = First Saintfield Presbyterian

United Kingdom
City = Cardiff, Wales
Church = Highfields Free Church

Blog = Abandon all fear
Church = Kings Community Church

United States
Arkansas
City = Berryville
Blog = Desiring More
Church = Southern Heights Baptist Church

City = Little Rock
Blog = Family Bush
Church = Geyer Springs FBC

California
City = Simi Valley
Blog = Eighth Note
Church = Cornerstone Community Church

Colorado
City = Lafayette
Blog = The Marions Life
Church = Flatirons Community Church

Connecticut
City = Storrs
Blog = Thoughts of a Worshipper
Church = St. Paul’s Collegiate Church

Florida
City = Coral Springs
Church = Church by the Glades

City = Palm Beach Gardens
Blog = Kathleen Jean
Church = Calvary Chapel Jupiter

Georgia
City = Alpharetta
Blog = Left or Right
Church = First Baptist Alpharetta and North Point Community Church

City = Atlanta
Blog = NYC Pink
Church = Buckhead Church

City = Norcross
Blog = Pam Parish
Church = Victory World Church

City = St. Simons Island
Church = St. Simons Community Church

Illinois
City = Joilet
Blog = AdventureLand
Church = Church of Rock Run

Indiana
City = Roanoke
Blog = Visual Trademark
Church = College Park Church and College Park Youth

City = Fort Wayne
Blog = Ramblings of Passion
Church = Exit 59

Maryland
City = Williamsport
Church = Gateway Ministries

Michigan
City = Livonia/East Lansing
Blog = Christopher Cummings
Church = North Ridge Church/River View Church

Missouri
City = Springfield
Blog = Clearly Blurry

Nevada
City = Minden
Blog = Breaking Fresh Ground
Church = Carson Valley Christian

North Carolina
Blog = Michelle Gabriella
Church = Colonial Baptist Church and Vintage 21

South Carolina
City = Charleston
Blog = Lydia Rollins
Church = Coastal Community Church

South Dakota
City = Rapid City
Blog = Thinking in Progress
Church = Project Church

Tennessee
City = Dickson
Blog = Called 2 Grow
Church = First Baptist Church Dickson

City = Murfreesboro
Blog = Cosby Family

City = Nashville
Blog = Crummy Church Signs
Church = West End Community Church

Texas
City = Austin
Blog = Lana Right Here Right Now
Church = Hyde Park Baptist Church

Blog = Alex Alexander
Church = Lake Hills Church

City = Katy
Blog = Metal Phil and Fools Work

City = Lufkin
Blog = Todd Wright
Church = FUMC Lufkin

Wisconsin
City = Madison
Church = Blackhawk Church

105. Wishing your testimony was more exciting.

my bad/ witnessing April 1, 2008 • Comments

Have you ever met someone that seemed bored by their own testimony? While they are telling it you can see them thinking inside, “I wish this was more interesting.” I know a couple like that. Whenever he tells his testimony people in the room start crying. And then they laugh and then they think and reflect on their own lives. His testimony is like a George Lucas epic adventure. And then when his wife tries to follow that she usually says something like this:

“I grew up in the church. I gave my life to Christ when I was 5 years old. I had a sip of a Zima alcoholic beverage in high school and felt really convicted. I rededicated my life to God.”

It’s a pretty dull story, but on some level being given a new life should never be deemed as “dull,” regardless of the details. On some level, we should all be happy with our stories. And, I’ve never met someone that recovered from a horrible car accident, defying the odds to live again and heard them say, “Yeah, I mean my recovery is cool, it’s nice that I am where I am, but I wish I could have been crippled for a little while. Not forever, but just long enough so that I had to learn to walk again and could have been more dramatic and sweaty and maybe been in a Garth Brooks video.”

(Thanks to Billy for the idea)

104. Putting God in the liner notes.

god/ my bad April 1, 2008 • Comments

When I was in college in Birmingham, I used to attend a church called Brook Hills. One Monday in the lunch room I noticed a kid that had sung a great song at church. I approached him by the cereal and said, “That was a really good song you sang yesterday, did you write it?” He looked at me with unexpected disdain and replied, “No, God did.” And then he walked away.

I felt like such a heathen. At that point in my life I felt like God had gone silent. I wasn’t getting any word from him. He wasn’t even sending me fortune cookie length messages and this guy was co-writing songs with him? I couldn’t get God to send me a postcard with, “wish you were here” on it and he was having a Hall and Oates moment with the Alpha and Omega. I felt hopeless.

But now, I realize that sometimes we put God in the liner notes of albums I don’t think he had anything to do with. I know that in some sense, God is infused in everything in the world and as a Christian he should be woven in to every part of your day, but this kid’s song was not that good. I mean, I’ve seen God’s work. He made the Grand Canyon and the platypus, when he gets creative, he really gets creative. But sometimes, in a variation of throwing the God Card, we thank God for things I think he’d just as soon say, “whoa, whoa, whoa, that chorus is weak and don’t even get me started on that bridge. Leave my name off that song champ.”

103. Singing "Our God is an Awesome God."

during church/ god/ Music April 1, 2008 • Comments

I can say without any degree of exaggeration, that I have personally sung this song 19 million times. Seriously, during the 90s, churches across the country wore this song out. I think one of the things we liked about it is that it’s got a chorus you can just sing for hours. Here it is:

Our God is an awesome God,
He reigns from Heaven above,
With wisdom, pow’r and love,
Our God is an awesome God.

Music ministers would just stretch that chorus out for an eternity, teasing us with that pause that we all thought meant the song was over but then launching into another repeat of those words. They also liked that the verses allowed them to do some cheesy hand motions and facial expressions. For instance “when He rolls up His sleeves He ain’t just puttin’ on the Ritz.” If your worship leader didn’t pretend to roll up his/her sleeves during that line then consider yourself lucky.

My question now though is what is the new “Our God is an Awesome God?” What song is your church or youth group wearing out? I submit it’s either, “Blessed be your name” or “How great is our God” by Tomlin. Post a comment and let us know what you think.