Laughter is a gift from God. When we refuse to accept it, it makes Him want to take it back. Like the unicorns.

1323. Dear IT, I owe you an apology.

Misc November 5, 2012 • Comments

Dear IT,

First and foremost, allow me to establish a little geek cred.

My favorite book is Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time.

I knew what the phrase “Winter is coming” meant long before HBO did.

I occasionally say “Bazinga!”

I know SCRUM and agile and how to run a sprint for two weeks.

I grew up on Daredevil and like to pretend it was never turned into a movie.

Sometimes, at random moments of the day, I’ll think about Jar Jar Binks and get mad.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I need to confess something.

Keep Reading —›

1321. Fact-Checking the Pastor

Guest Posts November 2, 2012 • Comments

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Jeff Postlewaite. You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Fact-Checking the Pastor

I’m pretty sure John Wesley never had to worry about some smart-aleck college student saying “You know that story you told last week?  Well, the interwebs say it’s a lie!”

I’ll say it—the internet has ruined the art of making up a good sermon illustration. Even into the early-90s, pastors could repeat heart-breaking stories with utmost confidence that their sources were sound. The intent was pure, the message strong, and the audience incapable of proving otherwise…and then along came Google.

As recently as a decade ago, the pastor knew his stories were safe until people could get home to their PCs, and even then there was a good chance that they would forget what to search for while waiting for Windows to boot. Now smartphones have given parishioners the ability to fact-check before the illustration is even complete.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who is opening a mobile browser the instant I hear: “In 1859, a tightrope walker named Blondin…” But there are always prying eyes noticing that you have left the YouVersion app and are now speed-reading a Wikipedia article.

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1319. Why are Christians such jerks?

Serious Wednesdays October 31, 2012 • Comments

Recently a friend of mine started living for the Lord.

After a year of sharing his faith vocally, we had coffee and he told me something he found surprising.

He said that in chess, the pawn pieces are used to advance the more important pieces. They go forward and sacrifice themselves to create opportunities for the Queen, King and Bishop. He thought of himself as a pawn, trying to actively serve the needs of others and serve the kingdom, clear that life isn’t about him.

He said the biggest surprise though was that the more he served and lived a life for Christ, the more he felt attacked. But not by other people, by other Christians. He was confused because he’s never seen a King attack its own pawn in a game of chess. He’d never seen a Bishop take out its own pawn, but the more time he spent in church, the more he got attacked by the people who were supposed to be his fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

I started to think about that because it’s an issue I keep seeing come up.

A pastor once said, “Nobody is as mean as Christians who are being mean for Jesus.”

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54. Halloween Hating.

Misc October 30, 2012 • Comments

A few years ago, at the first house we visited on Halloween night, my two-year-old daughter McRae walked inside the minute the door was opened. Before the 75-year-old man at the door could react, she had juked passed him and was deep into his living room casing the joint for candy.

In her defense, Halloween is kind of confusing. For 364 days of the year, we tell her not to accept candy from strangers. Then on Halloween, we dress her up as a big blue M&M, and encourage her to use her hand as some sort of crane device to pick up the maximum payload possible when strangers offer her buckets of treats to choose from.

It would be a lot simpler if our church had a Halloween alternative event. They’re pretty popular these days and come in a variety of shapes and colors. Some churches hold fall festivals or harvest hayrides or Trunk and Treat, an event that combines both strangers with candy and a place usually best suited for a spare tire.

I think those are great. I appreciate that different Christians handle the whole trick or treat thing in different ways. But since my dad, a minister, a church planter, a former member of the executive committee of the Southern Baptist Convention took us trick or treating, I don’t have much experience with Halloween alternative events. (Sorry to throw you under the Halloween bus dad, but that’s what you get for making me be a “hobo” for 6 years running, a costume that involves wearing old clothes and charcoal from the grill. Easiest/worst costume ever.)

I was going to create my own version of a Halloween alternative event, complete with a fantastical acronym and name. (My first thought was “Junk in the Trunk” because I figured I could hire Sir-Mix-A-Lot to play the gig.) But then I got an email from my friend Bryan about a Halloween event he went to as a child at the First Christian Church of Hendersonville. I was instantly reminded that fact is stranger than fiction and that you readers are funnier than me. Want to guess what the name of the event was?

HATCH

On the surface that is probably a B- idea. I mean at least they named it after something car trunk related. I didn’t think it was that awesome until he told me what it stood for.

Hendersonville’s
Alternative
To
Carnal
Halloween

I heart that. If that was a bumper sticker I would mail a Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope to request one. I would dress up as David or Samson (no one ever goes as Enoch) and go to that event in about 2 seconds. I would expect to eat some “alternative oreos” that didn’t get eaten at VBS and drink forearm-stirred orange drink and use the smoke machine the youth minister tricked the church into getting and sing “Friends are Friends Forever“ when the whole thing was over. That’s just how I get down.

How about you? Are you going trick or treating tomorrow night?

Are you going to a Halloween alternative event tonight at a church?

What are your plans for Halloween?

(Post originally appeared on February 23, 2008.)

1318. Nicolas Cage might remake “Left Behind.”

Misc October 29, 2012 • Comments

Sometimes I struggle with a new topic to write about on SCL.

I brainstorm and scribble down ideas on paper and wrack my brain for a post idea.

I pace the house and wring my hands in frustration.

On other days, a new topic is hand delivered to me in Nicolas Cage gift wrap.

Today is one of those days.

According to a variety of media sources, Nicolas Cage is thinking about remaking the Left Behind movie series. The potential awesomeness is hard to capture in words, but I’m still going to try.

Since Cage is probably new to the Christian sphere (it’s not a dome, a lot of people make that mistake), I thought I’d help him out with 21 things he needs to know about the Left Behind movie:

Keep Reading —›

1317. Prepositional Prayers

Guest Posts October 26, 2012 • Comments

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Kim Gottschild.  You can also follow her on Facebook or Twitter.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Prepositional Prayers

Afternoons at the Gottschild abode can go either one of two ways.

I am only going to tell you about one of them.

I am going to tell you about afternoons spent serving wholesome afternoon snacks with Hillsong piping in the background, as to aid our daughter’ studies. I’m going to tell you about the waft of pot roast floating through the air, teasing us until dinner. I’m going to tell you about the low hum the washer and dryer rhythmically exude while I fold and hang. I’m going to tell you about all that occurs on select afternoons after I already spent the day teaching middle school German, after I already sent the girls off to school with organic lunches in tow. After I already vacuumed the house, feather dusted, swiped a toilet or two clean, paid the bills, removed all pancake remains from the kitchen table, pottied the dogs, prepared said crock pot dinner, and embarrassed my children at the bus stop in my jammies (Lucky me, I  don’t actually work until noon). Keep Reading —›

1316. The riddle bumper sticker.

Misc October 25, 2012 • Comments

I’m ashamed how long it took me to figure out this bumper sticker.

Maybe it’s because I’m dumb at math. (See yesterday’s post.) Maybe it’s because I’m just regular dumb, but I stood at the back of this car, talking quietly to myself.

“So the one thing is up and then the other thing goes down and then the cross and a cave, or is that a tomb? Carry the remainder and divide by the gerund equals… Jesus?”

Have you ever seen this one before? Did you get it a lot faster than me?

1315. The S word that ruins most of us.

Serious Wednesdays October 24, 2012 • Comments

For the last 7 years, I’ve been unlearning God.

He is not who I thought he was.

He is not who I was told he is.

He is not the greedy miser of joy I suspected all these years. He is not the boring happiness thief I cobbled together all these years. He is something different. Something wild. Something uncontrollable.

And one of the biggest surprises has been discovering how broken my understanding of the word “surrender” is.

Keep Reading —›