(If you like Tyler Stanton, and you should, you ought to go to the Catalyst Conference. In addition to it just being an awesome conference, Tyler is going to be all over that thing like a spider monkey. Seriously, he’s done some hilarious things that are going to go live at Catalyst and you would find them delightful. In the meantime, he’s checked in with another great guest post. Enjoy.)
Evangelizing about trivial things.
The other day Jon asked me my thoughts about P90X, a workout routine I purchased just moments after being hypnotized by its 30-minute infomercial. Without even the slightest hesitation, I launched into a Romans Road-esque discourse about its pros and cons, its benefits and reliability, and a (powerful) personal testimony of my own. I wouldn’t rest until Jon decided to become a disciple of Tony Horton.
As ridiculous as that sounds, it’s not that far off. I spend an insane amount of time, energy, and passion evangelizing about all kinds of trivial things. Don’t believe me? Here’s a typical day in the life of Tyler Stanton:
6:42am – Run by my local Starbucks and grab a grande black coffee. Sure, the meeting I’m about to go to will provide coffee, but I like to show up with a massive logoed cup so I can promote their superior bean to my co-workers.
8:33am – Once I’m through with coffee, I pridefully whip out my gum brand of choice and, without being asked, begin proclaiming truths about its flavor crystals and teeth-whitening capability. I then start distributing pieces like they’re individually wrapped tracts, mentioning that they should “taste and see” for themselves.
9:50am – As I open my MacBook, I look across the room and scoff at the ugly Dell across from me, as though I’m personally offended by their belief system. When its owner asks if there is a problem, I take a deep breath and dive into an apologetics rant that I learned at the Genius Bar.
11:08am – I overhear people at the table next to me talking bad about Twitter. At this moment, I can’t help but feel like I’m being persecuted for my social networking convictions. I turn around and ask them pointedly, if they died tonight, where…would people find this information out? Email? Please.
12:35pm – Someone has the audacity to suggest La Frontera for lunch. This is my opportunity to evangelize to the masses. I stand on my chair and, using the acronym C.H.A.L.U.P.A., list the reasons why El Torero is the one true Mexican restaurant, and that I’ll pray for the souls of those who suggest otherwise.
1:22pm – When it comes time to pay, I slowly pull my “Restaurants” cash envelope out from my pocket and regurgitate nasty credit card statistics that I learned from The Dave Ramsey Show. I offer the one guy who seemed remotely interested a ride so that I can answer some follow-up questions that he might have.
1:57pm - When the lady in line behind me at the bank asks to borrow my pen, I consider this a divine appointment and waste no time diving into my rehearsed one-minute testimony about how my life has radically changed since Bryan Allain introduced me to the black Bic Atlantis. “I’ve never experienced such a classy ball point!” I keep telling her.
4:40pm – My co-worker asks me if I want to go with him to the Georgia football game on Saturday. All of the sudden, I’m angry and offended. Being a Tech fan, he might as well have asked me if I wanted to accompany him to a puppy sacrifice down at the abandoned warehouse. The man who was once Darryl from accounting is now a nameless pagan cult follower in my book.
7:14pm – To cap off the day, my wife suggests we watch Reba. I gently explain to her that we were created for something more, something better and more satisfying…like 30 Rock.
10:10pm – I lay my head on my pillow, proud of my contribution to society.