1190. Babies crying during the sermon.
A few weeks ago at church, there was a baby crying during the middle of the sermon.
Here is what immediately went through my head.
Kids
SCLQ – The Spank Offering
I wish I could take credit for this phrase, but I can’t. The “spank offering” is such a perfect complement to the “love offering” (SCL #72) that it makes my teeth hurt a little. What does it mean? I’ll allow author Beth Moore to explain it. Here’s something she tweeted over the weekend:
@bethmoorelpm
Have any of y’all ever wanted to give a spank offering to someone else’s child? Not really but kinda?
It immediately reminded me of two things:
1. I love Beth Moore. In addition to being amazingly kind to my family, she’s got a great sense of humor.
2. This post – “Not knowing what to do about good friends who are raising punk kids.”
And the funny thing is, that at some point, we’ve all been the parents with kids who need to receive a “spank offering.” This concept isn’t limited to “good parents” or “bad parents,” it’s “all parents.”
So, have you ever wanted to give a spank offering?
12 posts I wrote about being a dad
A few months ago, I had the chance to write a “dad blog” series of posts. I’ve never done that before, but with two little girls dominating the Acuff house, parenting is a topic I keep coming back to. My friends at E-Mealz gave me some space to explore 12 ideas about being a dad. In case you missed it, here are the links to the posts I wrote.
2. Better dinners through bigger stories
3. You can’t hate what you’ve never tried
9. Later is a land of make believe
11. The warning
980. Reacting in Christian Love When Your Spouse “Out Parents” You.
I love my wife. She is the reason I’ve been able to write three books. She’s the smartest, kindest person I know. And though it’s a prerequisite that as a Christian husband you’re required by law to say that you “married over your head,” this is actually true with me. That’s not an exaggeration. Ask John Ortberg. When he signed a copy of his fantastic book “The Me I Want to Be
That’s just gospel truth. But recently I’ve faced a new dilemma.
894. Putting the wrong Bible verse on things.
A few weeks ago when I was in Mexico, someone challenged me to eat an entire thing of queso in one bite.
One bite? How is that even possible? It’s all gooey and barely “spoonable.” You don’t really “bite it.”
Ahh, but this one had congealed. It had hardened into a hockey puck of cheese. It was one thick disc of cheese in a bowl. And at the other end of the table, I heard one friend tell the other that he’d never eat that just to win $40.
806. Eagerly awaiting the invasion of Christian Silly Bandz.
Last week, the Friendly Atheist, who has been incredibly kind to Stuff Christians Like, thought something I wrote was unintentionally funny. In the Snopes post he thought it was odd that I felt the need to explain what Snopes was. It’s so well known and so obvious that he didn’t think I needed to.
This is how intense life is at the Acuff house.
But when I asked my mom if she had heard of Snopes, she instantly replied, “You mean Snopes Dog?” So with today’s post, in addition to giving you a photo of my four year old McRae throwing up a gang sign she learned from the original movie “Parent Trap,” while wearing Silly Bandz, I thought I better describe them. They’re colored rubber bands that are hot like fire right now. (And is my whole family “street” or what? Mom, Snoop Dog reference, Crae throwing it up. Dang)
752. The fictional family your family compared you to.
“There are lots of other families who don’t even have televisions.”
741. CSI-ing where your kids learned bad stuff.
My kids are hilarious. Everybody says that. By law you are required to say that your kids are smart and beautiful and have tremendous vertical leaps, but trust me, my kids are legitimately funny. We work on material. Tuesday night is open mic night and we each stand on the hearth and deliver up to three minutes of new material. My oldest daughter L.E. is thinking about joining little league baseball just for some new joke material similar to how Jerry Seinfeld had a baby so he could tell parenthood jokes. It’s a real scene man.
513. Using your palm branch as a weapon of mass sibling destruction.
(This is a post from last year, but it felt right today.)
Two weeks ago, at 5:00AM in Pop Century hotel room #7213, my 3 year old launched an epic meltdown that will probably be discussed by visitors to the greater Orlando area for years to come.
735. Expecting your kids to memorize more Bible than you.
“Hey L.E. you ready for Awanas? Oh, that’s right, there’s no ‘s’ on the end of that word. There really should be. People get so upset when you add one, but unless there is only one Awana sitting in a room by themselves, much like my first meet and greet, that should really be pluralized.