Guest Posts

The Ultimate Church Potluck Menu

Guest Posts May 24, 2013Comments

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stephen Pepper. You can check out his blog here. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

The Ultimate Church Potluck Menu

Something all Christians love to do is have a church potluck. It gives us a great opportunity to fellowship and do life together while sidehugging in our V-necks.

But do you ever feel though like we’re not always fulfilling our potluck potential? Is there a hole that two crock-pots of chili doesn’t seem to fill? That there’s got to be more to potluck life than just another spoonful of potato salad?

If so, here’s my guide to the Ultimate Church Potluck Menu.

Appetizers
Chips & no salsa dancing
Omelet the children come to me
For my yolk is over-easy
Calimary
Mozzarella cheesus sticks
Soar on buffalo wings like eagles

Meat
Adam’s spare ribs
Lamb-entations
Blessed be your game
Like a beef in the night
BethleHam
Abrahamburgers
Rock of saus-ages
Pork (back)sliders
Elijah’s fire-roasted steaks
Deer Lord

Fish
Almighty cod
Amazing plaice
Salmon on the mount
It is well with my sole
Trout to the Lord

Side Dishes
Simon Pita bread
Teachers of the coles-law
Sanctifries
Gnocchi and the door will be opened to you
Stephen’s stoned-baked pizza
Tobymac n’ cheese
Soy to the world
Guacamole spirit
I will give you the quiche of the kingdom of heaven

Vegetables
Lettuce pray
Caesar Augustus salad
Peas on Earth
There’s no mushroom at the inn
Jonah and the kale
The gourd is my shepherd
Rahabenero peppers
Brussels sprouting Thomas
Shallot’s wife
Corn again

Desserts
How great’s thou tart
Pumpkin Pilate
Take this cupcake from me
Jars Of Creme Brulee
Ap-Paul pie
Leviticustard

Fruit
Passionfruit of the Christ
The Lord’s Pear
Fruit salad of the spirit
Walk on watermelon
Mango and make disciples of all nations

Beverages
TriniTea
Philemonade
Christal Light
Love your chardonneighbor

Items that didn’t quite make the (crinkle) cut
Abedn-Eggo’s waffles
Milky Way, the truth and the life
Land of milk and honey nut Cheerios
John The Baptist’s platter

Question: What other items would you add to the Ultimate Church Potluck Menu?

(For more great writing from Stephen, check out his blog.)

Giving Christian Singles Awkward Advice

Guest Posts May 17, 2013Comments

(Today is Guest Post Friday.  Here’s one from Kristin Weber, a comedian from Dallas. You can check out her website here or follow her on Twitter. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Giving Christian Singles Awkward Advice

I’m single, in my late twenties, and live in the Bible Belt. Needless to say, I get some pretty spectacular advice both about being single and how to become unsingle. At this point, I almost want to stay single so I can keep getting new story material.

Here are my top five favorite bits of awkward advice I’ve received from kind, well-meaning church folk about my current “condition”:

1. “Let your heart marinate in the Word. That’s how God prepares you for marriage.”

Marriage sounds like a barbeque. Awesome.

Keep Reading —›

1440. My 3 Excuses for not watching The Bible on the History Channel

Guest Posts April 26, 2013Comments

(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Scott Higa.  You can check out his blog here and follow him on Twitter.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

My 3 Excuses for not watching The Bible on the History Channel

I have a confession to make.

I didn’t watch The Bible on the History Channel.

There, I feel better. My load is definitely easier, and my burden is much lighter.

I’m not opposed to Christian programming. I endured The Passion of the Christ and shared how it made me feel with my small group. I have watched numerous Veggie Tales movies and have even sung “The Hairbrush Song” at the top of my lungs. I even sat through Psalty, the singing praise book, which scarred me more than Mel Gibson ever could.

I’m not opposed to watching The Bible, but here are some reasons why I couldn’t:

Keep Reading —›

1434. Do you speak Christianese?

Guest Posts April 19, 2013Comments

(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Tim Stewart.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Do you speak Christianese?

Brethren and sistren, how is your daily walk? How are your quiet times and devos? Remember that seven days without prayer makes one weak! For me, I’ve just been counting it all joy. I’m too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed. I hope you don’t think I’m superspiritual or that I’ve arrived. After all, I’m not perfect, just forgiven. Some people have accused me of being so heavenly-minded that I am no earthly good, but have patience with me please—God’s not finished with me yet!

Why just this morning I was sending God knee-mail and getting into the Word. I was reading the red letters and making sure that the gold was in my heart and not just on the gilt edges of my Bible. I gleaned some pearls and re-read my life verse.

Keep Reading —›

1429. Global warming & Miley Cyrus’ navel ring

Guest Posts April 12, 2013Comments

(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Pam Lyon.  You can check out her blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Global Warming:

Are we doing it? Is God doing it?

At the end of the day, I think there is one thing we can all agree on:

I don’t want to drive a Prius to save the world because it is shaped like a suppository.

Also, if there is a rapture and I’m left behind, I don’t want to be in a smart car when that guy’s empty Hummer crashes into me.

Keep Reading —›

1424. Bragging about our lack of dating experience

Guest Posts April 5, 2013Comments

(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Kristin Cummings.  You can check out her blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Bragging about our lack of dating experience

When I was 22, I remember wondering if turning 30 and having ‘never been kissed’ was still considered cute.

I was seriously worried about it because, at least in my mind, I was well on my way there. Sweet 16 and kiss-less was cute. Maybe even being a college student and saving that smooch for someone special was still sweet. But I was a working college graduate and still a member of the exclusive ‘never been kissed’ club.

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1417. The Up-Sell Guy at the Christian Bookstore

Guest Posts March 29, 2013Comments

(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Kate Hall.  You can check out her blog here and you can follow her on Twitter.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

The Up-Sell Guy at the Christian Bookstore

Have you ever run into the “Up-Sell Guy” at a Christian bookstore?

I ran in to my local Christian Bookstore the other day to buy a greeting card. Here’s how my time at the cash register went:

Keep Reading —›

1413. “YeshuaTube”

Guest Posts March 22, 2013Comments

(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Chad Nelson.  You can check out his blog or follow him on Twitter.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

“YeshuaTube”

I got some great insight into our culture the other day from my young buddy and radio co-host Ford Garner.  We were discussing the prospect of Jesus among us in 2013 and, since he is 19 and connected, I trust his judgment on all things pop culture.

Brief editorial interlude: Ford is a licensed minister, former Homecoming King, Chamber of Commerce “Student of the Year,” in-demand evangelist, college student, middle school youth leader, radio host and has 2000+ Facebook friends. Again, he is 19. The Facebook thing is probably impressive (I’m 42 so no real grasp of the significance), but I am pretty sure my accolades at 19 began and ended with “Most Likely to Waste Money.”   Mission accomplished, Mom.

Anyway, we looked around at society and, more specifically, church culture. In fact, we discussed an entire YouTube channel devoted to such things for future generations to see how Christ fit in our lives in 2013. Welcome to YeshuaTube (we like to keep it real). Keep Reading —›

1408. Christian put-down lines

Guest Posts March 15, 2013Comments

(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Peter McMurray.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Christian put-down lines

Valentine’s Day came around last month and it started me thinking. If there is one thing we Christians don’t like, it is singleness – the one spiritual gift that should come with a receipt so you can exchange it for something that suits you better. And what worse time to be single than Valentine’s Day, when all good Christian couples should be texting, tweeting and instagraming verse from 1 Corinthians 13 to each other (so helpful of Paul to split it into short, tweet-friendly sentences – restricting himself to under 140 characters way before Twitter made it mainstream, so hipster…)

Which is why as a young single Christian guy, I was afraid. The 14th was rapidly approaching and I had no-one to DTR with. But then I found a SCL post of Christian pick-up lines. Armed with these lines, what could possibly go wrong? It was time for me to put the stud back into Bible study.

Keep Reading —›

1403. Over-spiritualizing Self-Deprecation

Guest Posts March 8, 2013Comments

(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Tim Fall.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Over-spiritualizing Self-Deprecation

Christians have perfected the tortuous over-spiritualizing of self-deprecation. You see it in ministry all the time. Someone tries to pay a sincere compliment to another Christian and gets smacked down faster than a flyweight amateur boxer at a heavyweight MMA title match. The person trying to be an encourager leaves the conversation deflated, and the person who deflected the encouragement with unnecessary and inappropriate self-deprecation gets to feel spiritually superior for having done so.

But here’s how I’d love to see the conversation go sometime:

Keep Reading —›