I’m on Pinterest. (You should follow me.)
Wait, isn’t that just for girls? It is. In fact, if you’re a guy I would really appreciate if you’d continue believing that and give me a head start of about a year or so.
Whatever you do, don’t read articles that point out Pinterest is 72% female and Twitter is 62% female. (It’s that extra 10% that makes Twitter OK for men to use.)
Recently on Pinterest I saw a Bible verse posted. Here is what it was:
Here’s what went through my head.
1. That is a great verse! What an awesome reminder.
2. Wait a second, is that in the Bible? It doesn’t feel “Bibly” enough.
3. Did Jesus ever say that to the disciples? They wake him up in the middle of the storm on the water, and he says, “Have you prayed about it as much as you’ve talked about it?” Did that happen?
4. Nope. It didn’t. Matthew 21:22 actually says, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”
5. Oh, this is probably from The Message. That version is way more Pinterest friendly. That’s got to be it.
6. Nope. Just looked it up, and that’s not the Message.
7. What version is this? It kind of reads like it’s from the SJV, or “Sarcastic Jesus Version.” You don’t have that Bible on your shelves? Oh you should, you really should. It’s delightful. When Peter cuts off the soldier’s ear who has just come to arrest him Jesus says, “Yes Peter, that is exactly what I meant when I taught turn the other cheek. Turn it so that I can cut off that ear too. Very helpful.”
I kept spinning until it hit me.
This wasn’t the Message or the SJV. I had actually made a new discovery, an entirely new Bible: The PIV or Pinterest Inspirational Version.
How do you know when you’ve bumped into the PIV? There are a few signs:
1. The verse is plastered over a picture of a waterfall.
2. Or a sunset.
3. Or a vista where someone is spreading their arms like an eagle.
4. The verse is written in chalk.
5. Or typewriter font.
6. Or some sort of “painted by hand” font.
7. But not comic sans. If there’s one font God would like to smite, it’s comic sans.
8. If there wasn’t an address (e.g. Matthew 21:22), you wouldn’t be able to tell if the quote was something from the Bible or Ben Franklin.
9. Drake, the rapper, isn’t in the picture. There’s an insane amount of “Girls, if a guy won’t treat you like a princess, he’s not your prince,” kind of silliness attributed to Drake. He didn’t say that. Stop.
10. There’s not a close-up photo of someone’s abs in the image. Pinterest has a surprising amount of two different types of photos: “The body you want” and “The elaborate cupcakes that make sure you won’t get it.” Images like that are definitely not PIV.
Those are the signs, and to make sure it’s even easier to spot, I’m starting a Pinterest board called “PIV.” (You can follow it here.) Like a library of silliness, I will be dewey decimaling all the examples I find.
If you run into a PIV, email me at jon (at) jonacuff.com and I’ll add it to our collection.
Have you ever seen a Pinterest Inspirational Version Bible verse?