Sometimes a Christian product is released that demands a response on SCL.
Such is the case with the “Edifi,” the first “Christian Tablet.” (If you’re reading this post on an iPad or Nook, I bet your hands are burning right now holding that devil fire tablet.)
I feel like the SCL bat signal has been lit by my friends on Twitter, and I need to respond.
But here’s the thing, I don’t have a whole lot of room to stand on in the whole “Create something original, not a Christian rip off!” conversation.
The reality is that Stuff Christians Like was developed in response to Stuff White People Like.
So I never feel great about telling someone, “How dare you not be original!” But I am more than happy to point out a few design features that any Christian Tablet must have.
7 Things I’d Add to a Christian Tablet
1. Touched by an Angel Screen Technology
Forget touchscreen technology. That’s so 2004 and so heathen. Every time you touch the Christian Tablet an angel gets its wings.
2. Jesus Juke Siri
Instead of regular Siri, the Christian table would have Jesus Juke recognition software. If a friend tried to Juke you, it would analyze the Juke and immediately yell “JUKE! JUKE!”
3. Eyes of My Heart Retina Display
Forget just singing, “Open the eyes of my heart Lord.” What if you could open your new tablet and enjoy a crisp “eyes of my heart retina display?” (I don’t know what that would look like, but it already sounds wonderfully and fearfully made.)
4. Ark box case
I love my otterbox case, but if we have to Christian this thing up, let’s get wooden cases carved out of small Noah’s arks. Dove feathers are optional. Olive branch is not.
5. Longer lasting battery
Not exactly faith based, but this is the feature I personally pray the most about when it comes to my iPhone.
6. Built in “Precious Moments photo filter”
Have you ever wished you could easily add those chubby little precious angel figurines to your iPad photos? No? Well too bad, the Christian Tablet is going to do that for you automatically.
7. Pillar of Cloud Storage
You think Apple was the first one to use clouds to accomplish awesome things? Think again. God was using a pillar of cloud to guide the Israelites long ago.
At the end of the day, I don’t have anything negative to say about the Edifi. The greeting card companies that are refusing to publish the Stuff Christians Like greeting cards? That’s a whole different story. (Imagine a “Casserole of Hope” greeting card? It’d be amazing!)
What feature would you add to the Christian tablet?