A lot of people know I’m an expert on Chick-fil-A, mostly because I keep telling them that.
But also because I’ve written about “chicken church” a number of times in the past.
What I’ve failed to do, though, is share the 10 Commandments of Chick-fil-A.
That changes today my friend. That changes right now:
The 10 Commandments of Chick-fil-A
1. Thou Bible study has an 89% greater chance of survival if you hold it at a Chick-fil-A.
Doubt me? Go ahead and hold it at Starbucks. By week three, you’ll all be using Macs, wearing scarves, and not talking to each other. Or “not doing life together,” if you prefer.
2. Thou shalt not try to trick employees into forgetting to say “My pleasure.”
Stop it. You say “Thank you.” They say, “My pleasure.” This is how things work.
3. Thou shalt pray if you desire, but you don’t need to since the food comes pre-blessed.
Go ahead and do a bonus prayer. That can’t hurt, but rest assured that you’re covered either way.
4. Thou shalt feel like you’re tithing when you eat there.
Technically, there’s no offering bucket passed around, but it still feels like that when you spend money at Chick-fil-A.
5. Thou shalt crave Chick-fil-A more on Sunday than any other day of the week.
This is happening. The thought of a chicken biscuit has never tasted so delicious as on the day you can’t have one.
6. Thou shalt be tempted to complain at other restaurants you go to.
I don’t know where Chick-fil-A keeps finding polite, happy employees who don’t seem upset that I came in to try to give them my money, but they need to sprinkle some of them at other restaurants. If you feel this way and get chastised at another restaurant because you asked for a second packet of ketchup, I feel your pain.
7. Thou shalt turn the kids meal toy into a free ice cream cone.
It’s not exactly water into wine, but, as far as my kids are concerned, it’s close enough. You trade in the kids meal toy and get ice cream in return. Yahtzee!
8. Thou shalt not abuse the free refills of sweet tea.
Don’t you dare bring an old cup in for a refill, son.
9. Thou shalt not take Chick-fil-A for granted.
The second you do, your friend who lives in one of those barren “Chick-fil-A-less” wasteland states will remind you how lucky you are.
Where’s the 10th commandment? Ah, that’s where you come in. Often the comments are funnier than the posts on SCL. And I think your 10th commandment might be funnier than mine.
So here’s the mic.
What would your Chick-fil-A commandment be?