I don’t know how this would technically work, but I’m pretty sure Twitter needs to kick back some royalties to Solomon.
There is no doubt in my mind that the book of Proverbs was the original Twitter.
How do I know? How can I make such a bold, Old Spice Swagger strength statement?
Allow me to make my case:
4 ways Proverbs was the original Twitter
1. Proverbs are tweet length.
Everyone knows that you can only use 140 characters to write tweets. You know who else knew that? Solomon. Let’s look at a few examples:
Ill-gotten treasures are of no value, but righteousness delivers from death. (Only 77 characters!)
Blessings crown the head of the righteous, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked. (Only 92 characters!)
In the paths of the wicked lie thorns and snares, but he who guards his soul stays far from them. (Only 98 characters!)
How long do you want to play this game? I can go all day. You think it’s an accident Solomon wrote Proverbs in under 140 characters? Think again!
2. Proverbs is full of Twitter advice.
Not only are the lengths right, but if you read Proverbs you can practically hear Solomon begging you to handle Twitter the right way. For example, did you ever get in a fight with someone on Twitter? Some hater that you went back and forth with? Proverbs 9:7 addresses that: “Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.” Never correct a mocker on Twitter! Or maybe you had a hard time securing your name on Twitter. You were late to the game and weren’t able to get @jonacuff. You had to name yourself something like @thebillrogers_89NYC. Solomon tried to warn you in Proverbs 22:1, “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” It’s like a Twitter handbook! Or even better play the Twitter Proverbs games by adding the phrase “on Twitter” to the end of a verse. For instance, Proverbs 12:16, “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult, on Twitter.”
3. Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived.
You think Solomon couldn’t have predicted the micro-blog revolution that is Twitter? Even before the Internet existed? Of course he could have. He was the wisest man who ever lived not named Jesus. The real question is, “How frustrating was it for Solomon to invent Twitter and not have a computer to use it on?” Probably wouldn’t have lost his way with all those wives had he been able to have some tweet accountability. Something to think about.
4. The Bible is full of inventions.
Solomon wasn’t the only one who created things. John the Baptist was a start-up guy. Think about it: Messy clothes, lone wolf personality, brilliant mind, questionable eating habits. What about King David? He invented Napster. Think he was charging for any of those Psalms? Not at all. It was about getting the most music to the most people. Facebook? That’s Paul. Timothy was the first person to get friended, and it just made sense to keep tabs on the Galatians that way.
I think the case is pretty clear.
Jack Dorsey, the creator of Twitter, if you’re reading this and feel convinced that Solomon created Twitter, I’ll accept his royalties for him.
I have a bank account that a business contact of mine from Belgium and Nigeria wants to transfer millions of dollars into. We can probably just use that one.