(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Tor Constantino a former journalist, current PR guy and blogger from DC. You can find him here on Twitter and on Facebook. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how.)
Seven Unsavory Bible Snacks – By Tor Constantino
Much of the Bible focuses on food – sure there’s grace, love and faith in there – but whether it’s a piece of fruit that damned us all or the saving symbolism of bread and wine – food is baked into the testaments.
But not all scriptural confections are made equally or would even make the USDA’s nutritional food pyramid for that matter. In fact, here are Seven Unsavory Bible Snacks:
You may question the inclusion of manna on this list because the Bible says this white flaky, “heavenly dandruff” tasted like honey and helped feed a starving nation. However, if you read further it says that manna stored longer than one day would “…breed worms, become foul and stank.” Make it rain, but respect that expiration date!
Elijah was fed by ravens and popped locust-based protein supplements sanctioned under Leviticus 11. Perhaps the insectoids might have been tolerable if battered and deep fried, but eating boiling hot animal fat was banned – so all Hamilton Beach FryDaddy’s were left behind. Maybe the dead bugs were mingled with manna for a Chex-like party mix?
5. All-You-Can-Eat Reptile Buffet.
This delicacy appears in Acts 10 when Peter envisioned a sheet that descended from heaven covered with heretofore unclean meats – namely reptiles. And God commanded Peter to “Partake and eat” – lucky for Peter the vision ended before the holy hibachi warmed up, because the menu included salamander, sidewinder and gecko. The closest I want to get to a gecko is the 15 minutes I’ll spend on the phone to save $500 on car insurance.
4. Honey from a Rotting Carcass.
Samson was the toughest Bible dude to rock sandals and belted culottes, yet despite his fashion flair he had bad roadway-snacking habits. Judges 14 reads that while walking, he saw the carcass of a lion he’d killed and inside its ribcage was a honeycomb that he started to eat. I’m a distance runner, and I’ve often see the bloated remains of assorted wildlife along the highway. No matter how low my glycogen levels get during a run, I’ve yet to consider taking a snack break to see if there’s any good eats growing inside the nearest opossum.
3. Frog Bread.
This entrée comes from God’s playlist of plagues against Egypt. It states there were so many frogs that came up out of the Nile that they “…were up in the ovens and kneading troughs…” of the Egyptians. Now I’m a big fan of cheese breads, zucchini and banana bread. But amphibian-laced loaves are enough to make anyone an instant carb hater and Atkins Diet convert.
Two things that don’t usually go together are unrefrigerated dairy products and desert heat. Yet this was one of the culinary offerings that Abraham provided his divine guests in Genesis chapter 18. I guess there’s no better way to “welcome” the Host of Heaven than with unpasteurized, unhomogenized, misshapen cheese balls from goats served at a thermostat setting of “hell.”
1. Cake of Figs.
As far as nasty snacks, caked figs aren’t the worst. In fact, 1 Samuel 25 states that it was part of a gift Abigail sent to King David to appease his anger against her husband. This is clearly the first documented fruit cake exchange in recorded history. It tops the list because it’s an ill-conceived gifting practice that plagues us still – in fact, I think I may have that very same fruit cake from Abigail. Who knew that King David was a re-gifter?
What culinary weirdness have you ingested in the name of faith, family or fun?
(For more great stuff from Tor, check out his blog!)