My friend Bryan Allain’s twitter bio ends with a confession, “I miss Lost.” I do too. That show was like a sermon illustration gold mine. So many avenues you could go down. The smoke monster, the sense of feeling trapped between two worlds, the importance of community, the “others.” That show sweat sermon illustrations like unicorns sweat jelly beans.

And now it’s gone.

But fear not, ABC just bought a new show from Rob Bell and the Executive Producer of Lost, Carlton Cuse.

According to a site called “Deadline Hollywood,” the show, called Stronger, “revolves around Tom Stronger, a musician and teacher, and his spiritual journey as he becomes a benefactor and guide to others.”

Let me repeat that, the guy from the uber creative Nooma videos and the guy that was the “co-showrunner” of Lost are making a show together. (The Nooma video where the kid hides under the covers, absolutely whupped me.) No word on whether the smoke monster will make a cameo, but I am predicting 1 million sermon illustrations will be generated by episode three. And it will be fascinating to see what kind of conversations this show sparks. (Here’s the link to the full article on Deadline Hollywood and thanks Jess for sending me that story!)

Question:
I still haven’t read “Love Wins” or Chan’s response, “Erasing Hell” so instead of the usual discussion, I’ve got a different question today. What’s a show or a movie your pastor has used as a sermon illustration?

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Tor Constantino a former journalist, current PR guy and blogger from DC. You can find him here on Twitter and on Facebook.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how.)

Seven Unsavory Bible Snacks – By Tor Constantino 

Much of the Bible focuses on food – sure there’s grace, love and faith in there – but whether it’s a piece of fruit that damned us all or the saving symbolism of bread and wine – food is baked into the testaments.

But not all scriptural confections are made equally or would even make the USDA’s nutritional food pyramid for that matter. In fact, here are Seven Unsavory Bible Snacks:

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Technically, I’m not certain that the book of Revelation specifically mentions the Detroit Lions football team, but it might.

There’s a lot of descriptive language in that book. In fact, Revelation 13:2 says,

“The beast I saw resembled a leopard, but had feet like those of a bear and a mouth like that of a lion. The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority.”

Is it possible that in the Hebrew translation, “mouth like that of a lion,” actually means “the Detroit Lions will be 3-0 to start the 2011 football season?” Because that’s how I’m interpreting it.

When I saw that the Buffalo Bills beat the team I grew up near, the Patriots, I instantly threw the “fourth horseman of the Apocalypse Card. You don’t carry an F-HAC? You’re weird.

But just when I felt good about throwing it out, I saw that for the first time since 1980, the Detroit Lions are 3-0 too. I had to grab my F-HAC card right back off the table and throw it again. (And I am constantly throwing it.)

Am I saying the Detroit Lions are evil or somehow related to the Antichrist. Of course not! I hate when people dramatically exaggerate. What I’m saying is that if they win their next game, the crust of the earth will probably be torn asunder and the sky ripped in half. That’s all. (And after last night’s Red Sox collapse, in which three different games ended the worst possible way they could have, I’m almost ready to add a fifth horseman to the Apocalypse.)

Question:
Have you ever seen something happen and thrown a “Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse Card?”

A few years ago, I planned to have a party at my house with readers of my first blog. I was going to read a few things, my friend Scott was going to play some music, and my friend Ben was going to do some delightful things with food.

Then it snowed in Georgia and I had to cancel the event.

I wrote a post on my blog announcing the party was off. I thought I would be clever so I mentioned that Barry Manilow had canceled too. If I am being honest, I thought at least a few people would post messages saying how disappointed they were the party was canceled.

I know that’s probably shallow, but I can’t just write about the good bits on my blog and make myself seem more put together than I am. So the truth is that I thought my post about the party being canceled would generate a bunch of emails/comments in the first 24 hours. And I would feel important or missed or something.

I got 1 email in the first 24 hours.

Here is what it said:

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Dear AWANA,

My kids absolutely loved going to AWANA last year. (AWANA is kind of like a once a week Sunday School class. They learn verses, earn badges, play games, etc.) They learned so much about the Bible. I loved it too. We even stole from a church so that we could attend AWANA. The work you guys do is amazing, and I hope to get our kids involved in AWANA now that we live in Nashville.

My only request is that you would please add an S to your name already. I think it’s time. For years people have had this conversation:

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Dear Christian Culture,

It’s me, Jon. Not Margaret.

What’s been going on? Did you have a good summer? I did. Ate a lot of popsicles, went to the beach with my family, got Mario Kart for the Wii. Have you ever played that? It’s awesome. There’s this little wheel you steer with and all the characters are there and you should never pick a motorcycle for Wario’s Mine. Trust me on that one. Horrible decision.

So last week I started to think about you. Why? Well Instagram, the most popular photo app in the world, came out with a huge update. It’s ridiculous. It’s free and it helps you make any photo look artsy. Look at this photo I took with Instagram. It looks like some sort of Warhol meets Willy Wonka modern art piece. It’s just my watch on my couch. I call it “watch on couch.” 

I love Instagram and hope that you’ll follow me to check out all my photos. I’m jonacuff on it. But I do want to have a heart-to-heart with you real quick.

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Sometimes people ask me why I hate New Zealand and Canada when I say I’ll be speaking at an event in Nashville.

As a fan of the Lord of the Rings movies, clearly I do not hate New Zealand. But that’s not really what they mean. What they’re saying is, “How come you always speak somewhere a bajillion miles away from where I live?”

Although for the last three years I’ve tried to jump around the country speaking in different places (Kriss Kross style), I haven’t been everywhere. But for the first time, a conference I spoke at is allowing me to speak everywhere all at once.

Lifeway is broadcasting the NOW Conference. The conference was all about challenging us to live meaningfully within the context of where God has placed us. It’s a diverse array of artists, thinkers, and business leaders, sharing the stage through short, focused presentations.

The broadcast is on September 27 at 7 p.m. central. It’s 2 hours long and features me, Ben Arment, Pete Wilson, Jen Hatmaker and a bunch of other great folks.

It’s $10 and is a super cheap way to get access to a lot of great content.

Click here to sign up.

And here’s the trailer for the event! I make a cameo at the end and appear cooler than I really am because black and white makes everything look cooler.

(It’s guest post Friday! Still can’t believe John Ortberg wrote a guest post for Stuff Christians Like. If you’re not familiar with his many, many awesome books, start with his latest, “The Me I Want to Be.” He’s a brilliant author, great pastor and a fantastic blogger. You can also find him on Twitter. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

The Self-Deprecating Faux Pas – By John Ortberg

A staple for people who speak regularly on the evangelical circuit is the self-deprecating faux pas (SDFP) designed to show the speaker is normal like everyone else. It has to be vulnerable enough to be embarrassing, but not so vulnerable as to get you kicked out of ministry employment.

The key is being able to derive spiritual object lessons from such a story, to justify telling it as a ministry experience (much like justifying an expense as a tax write-off for the IRS). With a little practice, you too can excel at this.

I will give you a (true) example from a good friend who shall remain nameless, but who teaches at highly-regarded Christian institution.

He and his wife have a cat that regularly captures small creatures and brings them under their bed to put them in a shoe or hat or purse to paw at. On a recent occasion my friend hauled himself out of bed and ‘muttering curses at the cat’ (an important Christian phrase, we’ll come back to that) spent a half hour trying unsuccessfully to find whatever the cat dragged in.

The next morning he got dressed, put on his shoes that were under the bed and checked once more while down there for the creature—nothing. He spent a normal day doing normal Christian teacher things.

At night, when he took of his right shoe, he thought to himself: ‘that smells much worse than usual.’ Careful examination revealed an odd smear at the heel near the “PowerStep” insole. When he pulled out the insole and grabbed at the smear, he peeled an entire mouse from the bowels of his shoe, completely intact except that, over the course of 15 hours, it had been squashed flat as a credit card.

On the bright side, he said his other shoes do not smell that bad by comparison.

How do you turn this into a useable SDFP? A few critical guidelines:

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Remember when I wrote about “worship eagles?” Remember when I said that if churches would finally put a falconmaster on their staff they’d never have a problem with screaming kids in church services.  I believe my exact sentence was that other parents might have to be polite and pretend that they don’t hear that screaming kid in church, but “the eagle hears. The eagle hears all. With the softest approach in the game, the eagle would lightly pick up the child, carry him away and drop him in a ball pit outside with all the other crying kids.”

You all laughed. Well some of you probably didn’t laugh. If an eagle killed your uncle, you definitely didn’t find that post funny. But, thanks to Rick S., nobody is laughing now. Here’s a photo of what I believe is a worship eagle patrolling the sanctuary. (I’m choosing to believe that green in his mouth is not an olive leaf in a dove’s mouth, but the scrap of a kelly green old school Southern Baptist suit he snatched from an ornery elder who got out of line.)

Let’s caption this photo!

What’s your best caption?

One of the things I love about SCLQ is that it gives me a chance to introduce you to some of my friends who are out there doing great work. Like Angie Smith, Al Andrews and today, Johnnie Moore.

Johnnie Moore is a friend of mine who works at Liberty University. He’s one of those people that is 29 years old but has the wisdom of like a 400 year old. But he’s not a zombie. I probably should have said “wisdom of an 80 year old” but I didn’t feel like that properly captured my respect for Johnnie. And then, once you’ve said, “like a 400 year old,” you’re almost obligated to say, “but he’s not a zombie,” because people assume. They assume.

So if you’re looking for a great book, but a great guy who happens to also not be a zombie, check out Johnnie Moore’s new book, Honestly: Really Living What We Say We Believe.