#1057. Saying goodbye to Vacation Bible School.

Last week, it was Harry Potter. This week, we close the curtain on Vacation Bible School. Across the country, if you listen closely, you can hear glue sticks being thrown away, flannelgraphs being re-closeted, and tired volunteers breathing a sigh of relief. But before it fades, before VBS 2011 marches off into the sunset like my once proud hopes of being a professional breakdancer, I think we need to say farewell to a few people and things:

Farewell:

1. The kid who bites.
There’s always at least one biter at every VBS. His parents either think it’s “an adorable part of his personality” or are deeply mortified.

2. The serial VBS attender.
Ahh, Vacation Babysitting School. There’s always at least one kid who has been to 17 Vacation Bible Schools that summer and lets you know right off the bat “The last VBS I went to had way better snacks.”

3. Bootleg cookies.
Speaking of snacks, no farewell list would be complete without a goodbye to VBS snacks. How do you tell if you’re eating a VBS snack? Easy, it’s named as a noun. The box will just say, “Cookies,” or “Crackers,” or “Pretzels.” No adjectives, no brands.

4. The Glitterati
So long craft cartel, you underground construction paper posse, controlling the decorations in each classroom with an iron stapler. You might have won the VBS decorating wars this year, but next year, the battle resumes.

5. Grumpy volunteer.
I don’t know how you get tricked into volunteering this year, probably got voluntold if I had to guess, but fight the good fight next year, friend. If you hate kids, crafts and sweet baby Jesus, sprain your ankle next year to get out of volunteering.

6. Father Abraham, who apparently had many sons.
What a jam. So simple. So powerful. So repetitive. I’ll see you next year. You too “God’s army” and “God told Noah there’s going to be a floody, floody.” I promise one day I’ll deliver that VBS mixtape I’m working on.

7. Homemade playdoh
Oh you salty home-based alternative. So easy to make. So plentiful. And to be honest, though I usually don’t like knock offs, you served us well this summer. Unlike the “Krayons,” we bought in bulk.

8. Crazy theme.
It’s getting harder and harder each year to come up with a fresh theme for VBS. I’ve got nothing but respect for the creative team that has to design those each year. I probably would have launched “MySpace is God’sSpace” this summer. That one was admittedly a few years late in coming. Maybe next summer I’d have, “God’s Potter,” a spin-off story about a young Israelite with a lightning bolt tattoo on his head.

9. The bouncy thing.
Goodbye bouncy thing. Jump jump. Moonwalk. Whatever your official name is, you will be missed.

10. Random animal someone brings in.
So long miniature donkey that someone in the church inexplicably owns. Though I appreciate the authentic, miniature element you added to our “What did Biblical times look like?” discussion, I did not appreciate you biting four people. Apparently, even tiny donkey bites hurt.

How about you, any farewells you’d like to send VBS away with?

Any goodbyes you need to get out from this summer or your own childhood of attending Vacation Bible School?