I can probably build a better fort than you.
I’m not talking about a pillow fort. The average orangutan can throw one of those things together with enough couch pillows. I’m talking about in the woods, with sticks and leaves and acorns to throw at people. You don’t throw acorns at people? You’re missing out on half the fun of having a fort.
My daughters are entering “fort age,” a season of life I just invented, so we’re spending a lot of time outside. A few weeks ago, after a backyard adventure, we found a tick crawling on my youngest daughter’s dress. I flicked it off, stabbed it with a stick, burned it with a match, and chopped its head off in a tiny French guillotine. Ticks are harder to kill than Jason from the Friday the 13th movies.
As I went through this elaborate routine, my friend Todd said, “I’m going to ask God about ticks when I’m in heaven.” And he’s right. That’s one of those things you’ll want some clarity on.
Why ticks? What’s that about? What do they possibly offer the planet? Did Adam name them in the garden of Eden? Are ticks post-fall? They have to be. They are pure evil, right?
So many questions … that will have to wait until heaven.
Have you ever said that, “I’ll ask God that when I’m in heaven?”
I have. In fact, I have a “heaven questions” list. Here are a few items I plan on clearing up once I’m flip kicking my Rob Roskopp Santa Cruz skateboard through the streets of gold. (That’s how I’m getting around.)
1. Mosquitoes, why?
Again with the bugs, but every summer I think about this one. Why did God create mosquitoes? That I’m aware of there is nothing redeeming about the mosquito. It spreads malaria. It lives to drink your blood. There’s not another species who eat it exclusively. If you told me, “Well Jon, without mosquitoes we wouldn’t have the majestic ‘mosquito-eating hummingbird’ of Madagascar,” I might understand. Or I’d be OK with them if, when they flew, their tiny mosquito wings made music. But they don’t, and even their sound is annoying. I bet they’re jerks too. Probably horrible tippers. So when I’m in heaven, I’m going to ask about mosquitoes.
2. Unicorns, where did they go?
When I was a kid, the Barnum and Bailey circus traveled the country with a “unicorn.” I use quotes there so that you will read that word “unicorn” as “pale white goat with one horn.” Doesn’t that sound cuddly and My Little Ponyish? It wasn’t. It was a little terrifying. But what if? What if they did miss the last call for the ark? And all these years, we’ve been stuck with a unicornless existence because, although they were blessed with beauty, the unicorn was horrible at keeping appointments? I’ll clear that one up in heaven.
3. Calvinism, what’s your take God?
Aren’t you curious about this one? I am. That might actually be the first question I ask God when I get to heaven. What’s his opinion? I have friends who are really divided on this topic. It will be nice to have that one settled once and for all.
Those are three of my “when I’m in heaven” questions.
How about you?
Got anything you’re planning to ask God about when you’re in heaven?