1025. Pretending you didn’t see the Hangover 2 last weekend.

Oh stop. You did. I know you did. The sense of that movie hangs like a pallor over you like a beard hangs on Zach Galifianakis. There’s still popcorn on your breath and a nervous desire to tell a funny story involving a monkey and a car chase.

But if you did see the movie, which made a bajillion dollars last weekend, as a Christian you are left with only four options to explain why you did:

1. Throw the relevant card.

You saw it so that you could maintain your firm grasp of what pop culture cares about. It was more of a sociological experiment for you. Like I wrote about in the Stuff Christians Like book, how can you be expected to reach people, modern people in your community, if you’re not relevant? You sir, are truly a man of Issachar, who understands the time and knows what to do in a 1 Chronicles 12:32 kind of way. I’m almost positive that’s what that verse is about. The Hangover 2.

2. Explain how you saw it.

I had to cover my eyes during a few scenes that got a little nuditytastic. There was a stretch of the movie where I had to both cover my eyes and also hum a hymn really loudly to block out the audio of what was happening on the screen. And toward the end of the movie, I had to sprint out of the theater and pace the lobby for a few minutes. Definitely some questionable content but otherwise, a good film.

3. Focus on the deeper meaning of the film.

You know, if you get beyond the nudity and profanity and vulgarity, if you dig deep, it’s actually got some really great core truths about mankind and hope. There’s actually a pretty fascinating allegory running through the film if you look at it the right way. I didn’t even notice the filth, I was so entranced with the meta narrative of man’s eternal struggle to find his place in this world and fill the Christ sized hole we all have.

4. Reverse Jesus Juke anyone who questions your attendance.

I have friends who judge other Christians for not drinking beer. They’ll say things like, “Oh man, that guy is so conservative and judgmental he won’t drink a beer.” The irony of calling someone judgmental while you judge them is like the Christian version of the movie Inception. It’s a judgment within a judgment. And you can use the same technique with the Hangover 2. How? Reverse Jesus Juke people who judge you and say, “You didn’t see the Hangover 2? You’re so close minded and judgmental. Didn’t Paul say everything is permissible? Did I edit out the ‘but not everything is beneficial” part of that verse? You’re so nit picky. You didn’t even see it. How can you speak about something you haven’t experienced? I bet you hate the environment too.” It’s always good to throw in something completely unrelated to muddy the waters of the argument even further. What does hating the environment have to do with not seeing the Hangover 2? Nothing, but since when is prideful judgment restricted to logic or reason?

I didn’t see the Hangover 2 last weekend. I was a little thrown when one of the stars of it, Zach Galifianakis, said that it was so raunchy he asked his parents not to see the film. Of course, there’s always the “I’ll wait till it’s out on DVD and I control the power of fast forward” approach. But you know what’s going to happen right? When they release it on DVD they’re going to release the unrated version. They never release the “completely devoid of obscenity” version. Probably because that would be like a 17 minute movie.

But SCL is a safe environment. Fess up, did you see the Hangover 2 last weekend?