#1023. Christians in the NBA.

When did I become that awkward 35 year old who can’t make a free throw to save his life? I used to make fun of that guy when I was in the seventh grade, rocking my champion sweatshirt and listening to Bell Biv Devoe “Thought it was me” on my yellow Sony walkman.

I used to be able to do a layup. I promise. Though I was horrible at basketball and in the 8th was the short kid who played in the last 13 seconds of the game and got a raucous pity cheer from the crowd whenever he touched the ball in the hope that I’d actually score, I could hit a layup.

I thought about my complete lack of hoops skills (I’m so horrible I can’t spell it skillz) when I saw that Stephon Marbury, the former NBA star, recently became I born again Christian. I learned this in GQ magazine and my immediate thought was:

“Excellent, my all Christian basketball team is really starting to come together.”

You don’t have one of those in your head? You really should, it’s delightful. But before you start to build your own, I have to let you know whom I’ve already drafted and is no longer available for your team:

1. AC Green

When I was growing up, all I knew about Lakers player AC Green was that he was a virgin. Didn’t know the position he played, where he went to college or how many points he scored. All anybody ever talked about was that he was a Christian and he was a virgin. I practically expected announcers to say, “And substituting for James Worthy is AC Green, a virgin.”

2. David Robinson

You’ve got to have the Admiral at center. David Robinson was approximately 19 feet tall and more muscular than anyone in the NBA. In the 80s and 90s it didn’t seem like NBA players lifted weights at all, except for Dan Majerle, Kevin Willis and David Robinson. Plus he won a championship and is a Christian.

3. Chris Paul

Unbelievable point guard, unbelievable heart for the Lord. In 2002, Paul’s 61-year-old grandfather was jumped, duck taped and beaten until he died by a group of teenagers who wanted his wallet. He was Paul’s best friend. What has Paul said about the case? “These guys were 14 and 15 years old [at the time], with a lot of life ahead of them. I wish I could talk to them and tell them, ‘I forgive you. Honestly.’ I hate to know that they’re going to jail for such a long time. I hate it.” That’s a powerful picture of forgiveness.

4. Dwight Howard

He’s going to need to move over to power forward because Robinson is holding down center, but I have no doubt he can handle it. Imagine Chris Paul and Dwight Howard playing together? That would be ridiculous. Plus, he’s down in Orlando so we could probably get Relevant Magazine to sponsor the team since that’s where they’re headquartered. This thing is really coming together.

5. Bobby Jones

Coming in at small forward is Bobby Jones, one of the best defenders of all time. He won a championship with Dr. J, hustled like few people and let me jump on his trampoline one time. He’s friends with my dad and I can verify that he is indeed a Christian and does indeed have a pretty awesome trampoline. I make a lot of my decisions in life based on whether the decision will gain me access to a trampoline. I’m sorry if you think that’s shallow, that’s just how I was raised.

6. Dennis Rodman

Wait, what? Dennis Rodman is a Christian? Not yet, but wait for it. This one is going to happen and when it does, we’re going to lock in a phenomenally colorful rebounder.

If I told you the amount of googling I had to do to form this team it would make your teeth hurt a little. But fortunately we’ve got a pretty solid coach signed on, James Naismith. Who’s that? Just the guy who invented the game of basketball. Granted, he’s used to playing it in peach baskets and never even heard the word “dunk,” but his assistant coach Dean Smith will fill him in.

Who would you draft for your team?

If basketball’s not your thing, who is your favorite athlete that’s a Christian?