#1000. Lists.
Is this meta of me? Or perhaps postmodern? Are we breaking the fourth wall by commemorating a thousand point list with a list? It feels so Inception, a dream within a dream within a site about the satirical things we do within faith.
But it also felt right because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the last 999 posts on Stuff Christians Like it’s that we Christians like lists. I think this stems from the 10 commandments and the fruits of the spirit or perhaps the list of the armor of God we’re supposed to put on. Regardless of the origin of our fascination with lists, walking through the first 1,000 posts and the last 3 years with a list seemed like the perfect thing to do. (My first thought was a long, melodramatic thank you post titled “#1,000: Stuff Christians Like, the readers of Stuff Christians Like.” But when I showed it to my wife, she said, “Ugh, that is so mopey. That would be like two Serious Wednesdays in a row.”)
So instead of just writing a thank you for the many generous, awesome things you, the readers have done in the last three years for this blog, I decided to create a massive, rambletastic list.
Here is a recap of 1,000 posts of randomness on Stuff Christians Like:
1. March 21, 2008: Date of first Stuff Christians Like Post
2. 28: Number of people who read SCL on day 1
3. 17: Number of people who weren’t directly related to me
4. “No offense to anyone reading this, but if I weren’t an atheist, I’d strive to be this kind of Christian.” Comment that made me think SCL could be a ministry, not just a snarky blog.
5. Skittles: Candy I threw out in the crowd at my first speaking engagement.
6. Cadbury Crème Eggs: Candy I couldn’t throw out because I’m too selfish and it would leave bruises.
7. 0: Number of theologians in the annals of Christianity who started their careers by pelting audiences with candies.
8. SCL/Stacy From Louisville Cooperative For the Preservation of the Integrity of the Bible College Love Super Quiz 2008: First guest post on SCL
9. 1: Number of AutoTune videos I’ve made
10. Booty, God, Booty: Story I tell to see if a crowd is going to go along with me
11. 1: Number of times the crowd didn’t
12. 1,000: Percent of sweat increase when that happened
13. Frisbee: God’s favorite sport
14. Cornelius: Name of the dove from the Southern Baptist Convention that I claim delivers me ideas
15. Tattoos and Bulletin Doodles: 2 contests we held on SCL
16. Bulletin Doodle Tattoos: Contest I wish we held with people getting tattoos made of their bulletin doodles.
17. “Great Sex! Flat Abs! And Jesus!”: My favorite quiz we ever had on SCL.
18. Breakdancing: Skill I pretend to have but do not really possess
19. Mime: Skill I really possess but pretend not to have
20. Pop n’ Lock n’ Love: Breakdance ministry I’d start
21. Gloves of Love: Mime career I will fall back on if writing doesn’t work out.
22. “In the bathroom.” : Place people apologize to me about keeping the SCL book
23. “Hooray, it’s in your house!” : My response.
24. “Sending bad breath to hell.” : Motto I created for the folks who make Testamints.
25. Jesus Juke: Only phrase that went viral from this site.
26. 150: Anticipated number of people at my first meet and greet
27. 2: Actual number of people at my first meet and greet
28. 22: pounds of Skittles I brought for said meet and greet
29. Middle finger of grammar: When you lowercase satan on purpose
30. “this is not a threat by any means, i have no intentions on harming you or sending someone to harm you. Just dont do another rap video, cause you are about as gangsta as pocket watch.”: Least reassuring assurance and truest statement about my level of gangsta
31. Coldplay: Band we inducted into the “Sounds almost like a Christian Band Hall of Fame” in 2008
32. Mumford & Sons: Band we should induct in 2011
33. 82: Number of people who will mention the song “Little Lion Man” upon reading point #30.
34. The Promise Grill: Way I tried to update the Purity or Promise Ring
35. John Saddington: Brilliant designer who transformed SCL from a blogspot site into a wordpress site
36. Elf on the Shelf: Victim of a vicious scuffle with the shepherds in the manger
37. “Thanks for sharing our sex life on the home page of CNN.com”: What my wife said when CNN unexpectedly picked up a post from SCL about sex.
38. 1 millon: Number of typos I’ve made on SCL
39. 2: Number of Kindergartens readers of SCL built in Vietnam
40. 18: Hours it took to raise $30,000 to build the first one
41. Zakkhaeus Barnabus Fouteknote: Name of the Metrosexual Worship Leader Mascot that spurred us on to finish the Vietnam project
42. Throw up: What I still want to do when the servers at SCL crash and the site goes down
43. Silver Medal Friend: The friend who you like enough to have them read a Bible verse in your wedding, but not enough to have them in the wedding party
44. “Love is patient.” : The section of verses they’re going to read.
45. The butt is not a billboard: My first thought when Kmart put the phrase “True Love Waits” on the rear end of sweatpants.
46. “For Hymn:” Cologne I hope to one day make that smells like old hymnals
47. Bryan Allain & Curtis Honeycutt: Great writers who have written the most guest posts on SCL
48. Prayjevu: When you can’t remember if you already prayed at a restaurant before the appetizers so you pray again.
49. “If you buy this book, God will make you rich.” : Very first line in the SCL book
50. “In love.” : What I always tell people when they ask where their shower of loot is.
51. Tim Tebow: Christian athlete you have to support according to Christian law.
52. Mumford & Sons: Band I’m almost positive Tim Tebow is leading right now.
53. 3: Number of Mumford & Sons references in one list, indicating amount of them I am listening to right now.
54. The Power Team: Christian weightlifting group I refuse to make fun of less they break me like a small, brittle stick.
55. Metrosexual Worship Leader: Post that was a tipping point for SCL
56. Skinny jeans and V-necks: Metrosexual Worship Leader accouterments I’ve adopted since moving to Nashville
57. Accouterments: Word I often use to appear smarter than I really am
58. 42: Approximate times I’ve become obsessed with monitoring the Google Analytics for SCL over the last 3 years.
59. Serious Wednesday: The hardest posts to write, but also my favorite.
60. More than 3,000: Lives readers helped save with the SCL10K mosquito nets project
61. The side hug: The only post I ever had to ad a disclaimer to.
62. 3: Number of books
63. “It feels like tithing.” : Best reason I’ve ever heard someone give for way they like eating at Chick-fil-A
64. “I attend church at night.” : Shirt I want to invent for Sunday morning joggers who are getting judged.
65. “I direct deposit my tithe.” : Shirt I want to invent for people who look like they’re stiffing the offering basket at church.
66. 2: Number of guest posts my wife Jenny has written.
67. Second favorite: Where SCL falls on my wife’s list of favorite blogs
68. The Pioneer Woman: My wife’s favorite blog
69. Vuvuzelas: An instrument I am terrified will find its way into church
70. Man on Fire: Movie I keep coming back to in a number of posts.
71. Crock Pots: An SCL favorite and a promotional item Zondervan almost did for the book launch
72. The band sounds awful
Quick! fix it sound guy. I can’t-
talent switch is broke
(The best Sound Guy Haiku)
73. 40: Number of items on the “Surviving Church as a Single” post
74. Daniel Tosh and Katy Perry: My favorite unexpected pastor’s kids.
75. Worship eagles: Official bird of Stuff Christians Like
76. Badger in a bag: Official VBS game of Stuff Christians Like, rivaling “Red Rover” in safety points
77. 7: The number that if you put next to 77 looks like “777” and feels like the holiest place to end a list about the 1,000th Stuff Christians Like
