965. Doing Crazy Things With the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
(John Crist is quickly becoming one of my favorite guest authors on Stuff Christians Like. In the last six months he’s written some hilarious guest posts and the live comedy he performs is brilliant too. Here today with a perfect addition to SCL is John’s new post. Enjoy!)
Stuff Christians (guys) Like: Doing Crazy Things With the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
Is it just me, or does every guy know that the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue comes out in February, circa Valentines Day.
Its just me? Ok…never mind. (this is awkward…)
But seriously, I polled some of my Christian guy friends, all with varying levels of relational statii (that’s the plural of status), and they all had different reactions to the swimsuit issue. P.S. I saw the cover in a gas station this morning and there seems to be less and less swimsuits involved every year. The cover model’s name this year is Lusty McLusterson. Weird. Anyway, here’s what my friends said when I brought it up:
1. “The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue comes out in February?”
This is an obvious lie. Especially because last time I was at this guy’s house he had February 15 circled in red marker on his calendar…a sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendar. Got em.
2. “I called Sports Illustrated myself and had my Swimsuit Issue cancelled!”
You know what’s weird about Christians? Everyone used to struggle with things, no one ever has any current struggles. I finally got up the nerve to tell my pastor I struggled with lust and his response was (paraphrased), “oh, yeah, I understand, I used to struggle with lust…when I was 6.” Thanks pastor…that makes me feel great. The guy that calls and has his swimsuit issue cancelled probably tried to convert the customer service rep from India too. After the call, he created tracts that looked like swimsuit issues on the outside but when people open it the realize there are no scantily clad women on the Roman Road.
3. “I get the swimsuit issue so I can review the new styles so I’ll know what to buy for my girlfriend.”
Again, I’m skeptical of this guy. To protect his identity we’ll call him Mitch. Innocent Little Mitch told me he needed to keep the Swimsuit Issue a secret from his girlfriend so the swimsuit he buys for her will be a surprise. I’m sure his girlfriend will appreciate it. How thoughtful. Right ladies?
4. “I keep the Swimsuit Issue because it reminds me to pray for the girls one by one. This way I have a face (and a body) to remember.”
He’s got Brooklyn Decker’s photo right next to the photo of his Compassion Child. I should get this guy to help co-lead my new Bible Study.
What’s your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue policy? Have you ever run into something weird like this with a magazine you subscribed to?
(For more great stuff from John Crist and a look at his comedy, check out his youtube page!)