861. Prayer Insults

Now that I live in Nashville, my exposure to mandolins has increased by about 1,000%. Growing up in Massachusetts, I heard the mandolin (which is like a Pomeranian sized guitar) probably only one time. That instrument for me was like a musical Sasquatch. I knew it was attracted to campfires and wooden festival like scenery but I never actually saw it.

In Nashville? The gutters are lined with mandolins. In the morning before I go to work, I have to shovel the mandolins out of my driveway. In some cities, radio stations will auto-tune funny clips from the Internet. In Nashville we “mandolin-tune things” or as I like to call it, “Alison Krauss it.”

And that works out alright because I like Alison Krauss. I dig the mandolin. I feel like it tends to make songs better. I feel fortunate to be living in a city where I am learning new things, like “prayer insults.”

I was unaware these even existed. I’ve written about prayer a billion times but for the longest time, prayer insults have escaped me. Until I heard a story from a friend.

He was at a new job and hundreds of people were gathered together for their morning devotional at his company. During the prayer request portion he stood up and basically told everyone:

“I’ve got a huge praise report. Our house just sold a few weeks ago. It was only on the market six weeks! I really feel like that is a great confirmation that God wanted me at this job and wanted me to move. I’m really excited.”

Then he sat down. Can you guess what the guy who stood up next said?

“Hi, I have a prayer request. Our house hasn’t sold yet. It’s been on the market for three months. I still feel though, that this is where I’m supposed to be and that God is happy, but well…”

Then he sat down. Can you guess what the guy who stood up next said?

“Hi, I have a prayer request. Our house hasn’t sold yet. It’s been on the market for six months.”

Then he sat down. Can you guess what the lady who stood up next said? House hadn’t sold. Person after person stood up and prayed for their house. My friend felt horrible because unknowingly he hadn’t issued a praise report, he had issued a prayer insult.

Oh the humanity.

That’s why I am going to be careful in my new small group. There are six couples and four of us have houses that haven’t sold yet. It’s like a showdown at the OK Corral right now, four couples all with hands on their hips waiting to pull that praise report out when their house sells.

I’m probably not even going to let people know our house sold. I’m going to sit on that until another couples’ house sells. I’m going to wait until my praise won’t actually be a prayer insult.

Which are never meant to be that way, but sometimes life gets messy and awkward.

Has anything like that ever happened to you?