I don’t know how they do it. Despite writing branding for Chick-fil-A for 3 years and working closely with President Dan Cathy, I never learned one really important secret about that company.

How do they make you want Chick-fil-A on Sunday when they’re closed more than any other day of the week?

I’ve written about Chick-fil-A before and their West Coast Rival, In-n-Out, before. (They’re like Tupac and the Notorious B.I.G. of Christian food.) We’ve talked about them a few times, but never have we gotten to the bottom of this unexplainable phenomenon.

Today, I want to walk us through the five steps you go through on a Sunday when you think about Chick-fil-A.

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“Jon Acuff? He’s just that guy who ripped off the site Stuff White People Like.”

It’s never fun to hear someone summarize your life in a negative way. It’s especially painful when it’s a well-known leader you look up to.

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I can’t speak for the entire country, but people in Dallas, Atlanta and Los Angeles apparently like to break up with significant others after church retreats.

I talk about that sometimes when I visit churches and conferences. And it’s true, one of our favorite things to do as a Christian is to dump a boyfriend or girlfriend after a retreat. We do it because on Saturday night of the retreat, which is the cryfest portion or “sloppy agape,” the minister tells us we need to lay something down tonight.

We google our heads and hearts looking for something to give up, until bing! We find it, we should give up our boyfriend or girlfriend. Especially if they didn’t come on the retreat.

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My initial plan was to ostrich the latest church scandal in which a mega pastor has been accused of multiple, serious allegations. Similar to my Junior prom, my first thought was to just ignore it like it wasn’t happening until it went away. But then at the last minute I’d invite my friend’s sister for perhaps the most awkward prom ever and dance to Shai’s “If I ever fall in love again, I will be sure that the lady is a friend.” That’s where the analogy/metaphor fell apart though.

The truth is, Stuff Christians Like really isn’t a topical, timely blog. I’m not a news guy and talking about that kind of thing is not really what this site does. And some people might not have even heard about it. Plus, just thinking about the scandal didn’t make me feel fly like a G6.

But the more I saw the scandal on the major news outlets and heard people talking about it on an international level, the more I realized that to ignore it would to be to ignore a chance for an honest conversation. I once said that when we instantly label all criticism as judgment, we imprison Christianity to never grow or improve. And I think that we need to be open about situations like this.

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Deep V-Neck Syndrome.

Black Belt Hand Clapping.

The Mini-Sermon between songs.

Since March 21, 2008, Stuff Christians Like has been a bastion of hard hitting news about worship music and worship leaders. And now, I fear the emergence of a new trend that is destined to sweep the nation if it’s not already firmly lodged in your church. I fear I may be too late to warn you about …

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Recently, at an airport, I saw an article about a church on the cover of Details Magazine. Since I believe this was the first church-related article they’ve done since 1981, I was surprised. The headline was:

“The hottest pickup spot in Hollywood … is a church.”

Turns out they did an expose on Reality LA, a growing church out in California. It’s apparently, according to Details Magazine, a great place to meet singles. It made me interested though, how come we haven’t talked much about church and dating on Stuff Christians Like? There are a handful of articles, but with more than 850, that’s not a lot.

So let’s talk about dating in the context of church today.

Have you ever taken a date to church?

Have you ever met a boyfriend or girlfriend at church?

Have you ever had an awkward moment where church and dating intersected?

Is the singles group at your church thriving or do people act like being single is some sort of disease that should be cured with a marriage ASAP?

Regardless of if you’ve been married for 10 years or are dating right now, what do you think about the church and dating?

(I’ve never met Jay Bakker, the son of Jim and Tammy Faye, but from all reports, he’s a really solid guy. He’s got a thriving ministry up north and apparently does some awesome work. I probably could have met him when I was a kid, but I was too obsessed with the water park his parents built. Part of the PTL complex, that water park was one of the most amazing places I’ve ever been. As a kid, that honestly was one of the greatest days of my life. I loved that thing. I hate that there was heartache associated with started from a good place, but that was years ago and apparently the Bakkers are just messed up people like me. That said, I thought my days of Born-Again Water Parks were long behind me. Until I read this guest post. Oh happy day, oh happy day! I loved this third paragraph and think you’ll like this guest post as much as I did. Enjoy!)

Born-Again Water Parks

God has been doing some amazing things lately in my corner of the world. Lives are being changed, decisions are being made, and spiritual battles are being won.

I am talking, of course, about my local water park.

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Now that I live in Nashville, my exposure to mandolins has increased by about 1,000%. Growing up in Massachusetts, I heard the mandolin (which is like a Pomeranian sized guitar) probably only one time. That instrument for me was like a musical Sasquatch. I knew it was attracted to campfires and wooden festival like scenery but I never actually saw it.

In Nashville? The gutters are lined with mandolins. In the morning before I go to work, I have to shovel the mandolins out of my driveway. In some cities, radio stations will auto-tune funny clips from the Internet. In Nashville we “mandolin-tune things” or as I like to call it, “Alison Krauss it.”

And that works out alright because I like Alison Krauss. I dig the mandolin. I feel like it tends to make songs better. I feel fortunate to be living in a city where I am learning new things, like “prayer insults.”

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Before I speak I enter a near catatonic zone of concentration and Norwegian music.

I say Norwegian music, because lately Royskopp’s “Triumphant” has been my “Eye of the Tiger 2.0.” It used to be “War” by 30 Seconds to Mars and is sometimes, “New Morning” by Alpha Rev.

Speaking is fairly new to me and listening to songs that sound like auditory push ups helps. Soon, I’m doing some brand new comedy at a Dave Ramsey Live event. I’ve got 7 minutes to absolutely guffaw 3,000-5,000 people. Just typing that sentence made me a little sweaty.

I was nervous last week as someone drove me to a conference in Missouri. That is until he told me a sentence that completely stomach punched me.

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A few weeks ago I ran into the lead singer of Paramore, Hayley Williams, while I was grabbing a coffee.

When I tweeted that, people asked, “What did you say to her?”

What did I say? Nothing. Had I said hello, that moment would have instantly dissolved into the interviews Chris Farley used to do where he would ask painfully awkward, obvious questions on Saturday Night Live. (Example: He said something to Paul McCartney like, “Remember when you were in the Beatles? That was awesome!)

The other reason I didn’t talk with her is that 76% of the people who live in Nashville are famous.

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