#786. Setting Physical Boundaries in Dating Relationships

(John Crist is on fire. Out of nowhere he keeps coming up with great guest posts. This is his second one. I thought it was fantastic. Enjoy.)

Jon Acuff and I went to Samford University. We never knew each other, but I guarantee you we both knew about the Freshman Dorm Female Visitation Policy.

“No members of the opposite sex in your rooms, except from 3:00-6:00pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and only after they’ve signed in. While a guest is in the room, the door must be propped open a minimum of six inches.”

Seriously, this was a rule. That rule, trying to grow facial hair, and being prematurely overconfident about my ability to actually convince girls to come to my room are the only things I remember about my freshman year of college. I got a “Values Violation” for having my door propped open only 4.5 inches while studying with a female Spanish tutor that I wasn’t the least bit attracted to. The RA wasn’t having it. His ruler wasn’t regulation size if you ask me.

Listen, I’m all for boundaries. Boundaries have saved my life. And sexual issues can totally undermine even the most well-intentioned, Christ-centered relationships. Seriously. But sometimes physical boundaries in dating relationships can often toe the line of legalism.

Here’s when you know your physical boundaries in dating relationships have gone too far.

1. You have more than 10.

If, “No laying on the couch together, when its past midnight, when we’re alone in the house, when the lights are off, when Conan is over, when we’re under a blanket, when the barometric pressure is below 30, when I don’t have to work in the morning, when you’re not wearing a turtleneck” is one of your boundaries…then you probably have too many boundaries.

2. Your boundaries include the phrase “only once a month.”

If you have a clause that states ‘If we follow these rules faithfully for a month we get to reward ourselves by engaging in 30 minutes of premarital spooning once per month”…then your boundaries/motives for actually having boundaries probably need to be reevaluated.

3. Your boundaries include the words “but only when we’re standing up.”

Anything that you can do laying down, you can probably do standing up. And now it’s going to look REALLY awkward when your roommate accidentally walks in on you. “We were just trying be faithful to our boundaries” isn’t going to ease the awkwardness.

4. There are adjectives involved.

We can kiss, but just no ‘aggressive’ kissing. Or my personal favorite, we can kiss, but not for ‘extended’ periods of time. Good luck defining those adjectives when you’re in the moment. This one just takes a little more will power! Will power! Will power! The power to will away…temptation. Temptation sold separately, batteries not included (bonus points for anyone who can identify this reference).

5. If the boundaries are inscribed on papyrus leaves, you’ve both signed it…in blood…and in the presence of a notary (your pastor).

(No explanation needed).

6. Your boundaries are written in magnetic letters on your fridge.

Joshua 24:15. Absolutely. Footprints in the sand. If you insist. But your roommate’s little sister who just learned how to read probably shouldn’t be asking you, “What are boobs?” just yet.

What do you think about physical boundaries in Christian dating relationships?

Wait, so just for the record, Christians are cool with premarital spooning, right?