#760. The guy who says you are rich globally.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what did you just say? Back it up, did I really hear you say what I think I heard? That last sentence, “If I were rich?” Is that what you said? How dare you!

You live in America. Globally, you are one of the richest people on the planet. On the planet! There are 50 million people that make less than $100 a year. You make that in a day. A day!

On an international scale, you are like some sort of Donald Trump/Bill Gates hybrid. If this was the show Silver Spoons, you’d be Ricky Schroder riding around on a toy train through your mansion. You are filthy rich. You’re like a less talented P-Diddy. Your wealth is ridiculous.

Seriously, if you ate today, you are rich. I’m not talking just about a meal, I mean even a Cadbury Creme egg. Which incidentally have been removed from stores for the next 10 months.

If you had to decide which pair of shoes to wear or which t-shirt you’d put on, then on a global scale you are extremely wealthy. And fine I’ll say it, if you own a v-neck t-shirt you’re probably rich too. So fancy.

How does that apply to your life? How does the knowledge that you’re rich globally change the way you behave? Where is the life application to that knowledge given that I am comparing your standard of living to a third world country even though you clearly live in a first world country? How does this change anything given that it’s not even like comparing apples and oranges it’s like comparing apples and mufflers from 1976 Ford Pintos.

Hmmm, I’m going to be honest with you, I hadn’t thought it out that far. Who am I Eugene Cho? That guy actually has ideas and facts and a movement. Me? I kind of just like to say, “you’re rich” as a way to induce shame, not change.

Change is hard and messy and tangled sometimes, unraveling slowly. Shame is quick and fun and makes me feel a little better about myself. Sure, some people tell you that you’re rich globally because they have genuine concern and want to help you live the best life possible. But that’s not me. And this is about you anyway, you’re Martha Stewart rich.

Globally speaking, that is.