#756. Figuring out if you’re at a Christians concert.
(I’ve actually met Bryan. Most of my blog friends haven’t become 3D yet. We’ve tweeted and what not but never really hung out. But Bryan is the exception. We sat at the Catalyst Conference together and then pretended we belonged to be backstage.)
Some people love to rave about their favorite TV show. (LOST and it’s not even close.)
Some people love to rave about their favorite mirror. (I swear I look like the love child of Jude Law and Brad Pitt in the downstairs men’s room at church.)
And some people love to rave about their favorite band.
That’s me. The favorite band guy.
And since 1997 that band has always been acoustic/folk group Caedmon’s Call, who I’ve seen in concert over 25 times in 7 different states. (Please pray for my wife)
When you’ve been to that many shows you start to notice things that only seem to happen at “christian” concerts. Things that you’d never experience if you saw Lady Gaga opening for Kid Rock. (I only mention this combination because I dreamed about it last night and it was an awesome show. Lady Gaga made her entrance riding a bedazzled horse that Kid Rock later wrestled in a tub of turkey gravy.)
If you’ve been to your fair share of DC Talk and MercyMe concerts, you’ve probably noticed this too. There’s just something different about being at a Christian concert.
And if you haven’t had the good fortune to experience what makes a christian concert unique, here’s a helpful guide.
10 Ways You Know You’re At a Christian Concert
1. People are Praying for the Artist Backstage – I’ve been backstage at a few of these shows and there’s always one guy who sneaks into the green room to offer a covering of prayer for the musician. This person usually refers to himself or the artist as a prophet, and prays for a hedge of protection around the artist’s career.
The musician says “Amen” in hopes that the hedge is big enough to keep this guy out next time.
2. There’s Impromptu Praise Sessions in the Lobby – Bringing your guitar to a concert is like bringing your glove to a baseball game. Makes sense as your leaving the house, but once you get there you realize you’ve made a terrible mistake.
Hey, but while we’re all here, let’s roll up our sleeves, put on the ritz, and sing the chorus of “Awesome God” 17 times.
3. The “I Love Jesus How About You” Crowd Chants – As Jon has written about before, there’s nothing a waiting crowd loves more than a Christan cheer smack down. These things are like Nickelback. I’ve never met anyone who actually likes them, yet they remain wildly popular.
4. People Wondering if the House Music is Christian – Though you can’t hear these conversations above the sound of people chanting, they’re happening all over the venue before the first band comes out:
“Hey, do you know what song this is playing right now?”
“No, but I like the way it sounds. You think it’s a christian band?”
“I don’t know. I can’t imagine they’d play secular stuff before a Christian concert.”
“Yeah, but i haven’t heard the word “hallelujah” or “worthy” yet. I’m worried it’s unredeemed.”
“Well, if these chanters ever shut up, I’ll Shazam it so we know if we need to go into judgmental mode for the rest of the night.”
5. The 30-minute Emcee Opening- Every Christian concert I’ve been to begins with a radio DJ or pastor opening the night with a terrible joke, 5 minutes of promos for upcoming events I won’t be attending, a prayer, an offering, and a 10-minute giveaway of non-V-neck T-shirts and non-SCL bumper stickers.
Here’s a novel idea, how about some music?
6. The Jesus Screamer – John did a masterful job of breaking down the Jesus Screamer last year, so I won’t reinvent the rubber tire. But suffice it to say that no one is yelling out “Jesus!” at anything other than a Christian concert and living to tell about it.
7. The Sponsor a Kid Halftime Show – I’m not going to knock Compassion International or World Vision here because I love what they’re doing. I completely believe in the power of sponsoring children through these organizations and encourage you to do the same (our family currently sponsors 1 child through each of them.)
Having said that, I also believe this is the best time to use the bathroom during the show, because most people feel too guilty to get out of their seats. Hey, don’t look at me with those judging eyes, I already sponsor!
8. People Raising Their Hands During Love Songs – That poor girl in the front row has no idea this song is about the lead singer chasing his girlfriend to London. But hey, if you can praise God through the lyric “Our faces touched and then, we kissed under Big Ben”, more power to you.
9. The Worship Song Sneak-In – Wait a second, I recognize that chord progression. Could it be? No it can’t …actually, yes, it can! It’s “Shout to the Lord!” This didn’t happen last month when i saw Third Eye Blind.
Side note: all worship song sneak-ins MUST end with the chorus being sung one final time with no instruments or mic’d vocals. Just the crowd singing as loud as they can while the lead singer takes out his in-ear monitors to drink in the sound.
10. The Post-Show Theological Debate – If I had a nickel for every minute I’ve stood in line waiting to talk to Derek Webb behind some dude explaining his version of predestination and how it ties in with the story arc in Quantum Leap, I’d be able to sponsor every kid at that Compassion table.
So two questions for you (you can answer one or both):
1 – If you’ve been to a christian concert before, which one of these drives you nuts? (Or maybe it was one I missed)
2- Who’s your favorite band or musical artist of all time. Gun to your head (but it’s not loaded) and you can only pick one.
PS…Bryan writes daily about the humorous side of life, sports, faith, pop culture, and living among the Amish at his blog, BryanAllain.com. It will make you laugh or your money back and you get to keep the Jack Bauer jokes AND the picture of the Amish girl rollerblading as his free gifts to you.
