#728. The 4 types of angels.

I’ve made no secret of my affection for pastor Matt Chandler of the Village Church. Of any pastor I’ve heard, he most closely does what I want to do with my writing. He brings the truth in an honest, stripped down, Bible based way that is not afraid to use satire and humor to get at the point. I’ve never met him, but I once hid behind a pole at a restaurant while he talked with Anne Jackson. I’m pretty cool.

Unfortunately, Matt Chandler is currently under the impression that he could beat me at arm wrestling. How do I know this? He told everyone on Twitter this silliness. You see a few days ago, I tweeted that I was having dinner with Brad Lomenick, the director of Catalyst and that I was going to ask if I could arm wrestle Matt Chandler for his spot at the conference.

Matt Chandler, who recently started getting treated for a tumor, responded, “I’m on gamma radiation, I would crush you bro.”

I wanted to turn that sentence into a t-shirt I loved it so much. I have been shot blocked by some “famous Christians” that want nothing to do with Stuff Christians Like, but here was Matt Chandler joking about his treatment and engaging in some verbal sparring. It made me want to move to Texas.

Although I was clearly disheartened at Matt Chandler’s misinformation, I have blogger arms and am currently huge, I was willing to forgive him once I heard his discourse on the recent angel movie, Legion.

It was brilliant and it touched on our obsession of angels, a topic I feel like I haven’t done a very good job describing. Especially since angels typically only come in 4 varieties:

1. Ferocious

The movie Legion is about angels coming to the earth to destroy mankind. God is upset and the angels are sent to wreak havoc on the sweaty masses. We like this intense depiction of angels as evidenced by everything from Peretti’s “This Present Darkness” to Christopher Walken’s “Prophecy.” (If you haven’t seen it, Viggo Mortenson, or Aragorn if you will, plays a terrifying satan. Best quote, “Little Tommy Daggett, how I loved listening to your sweet prayers every night. And then you’d jump in your bed, so I afraid I was under there. And I was!”)

2. Cuddly

Is there anything cuter than a chubby, cuddly angel stroking gingerly on a harp? I guess if you added a cat, wearing a tutu, that would make it cuter, but it’s hard to improve on the soft adorableness of a little cupid like angel floating softly in the sky above us. In 54% of all angel pictures or dolls or knick knacks they always look like they are on their way to or have just come from a tickle fight with other angels.

3. Bumbling

Clarence in “It’s a Wonderful Life” was the most bumbling, clutzy angel I’ve ever seen. He needed his wings. He couldn’t figure things out. He was like your crazy, drunk uncle at Thanksgiving. But we still love him.

4. Nicholas Cage

Surprisingly enough, this is the fourth type of angel we most often enjoy. In the movie “City of Angels” Hollywood introduced us to an entirely new form of angel, the Nicholas Cage. Gravel voiced, prone to expensive bankruptcy settlements and awesome comic book collections, the Nicholas Cage angel is a creature all to itself. This angel is often denoted by his penchant for Goo Goo Dolls music.

Those are the four most common angels I know of, but surely I missed one. Surely, right this second, a different one is fluttering about your imagination. Land it here good friend, land it here.

What’s your favorite type of angel? What do you think about angels?