#731. Skipping parts of the Bible.

Even as I typed that headline I could hear the crackle of righteous lightning headed my way. It sounded like Rice Krispies cereal a little, not Fruity Pebbles, which is the breakfast equivalent of Fruit Stripes gum, fading into a gray mush the minute it gets within a ten foot radius of milk.

But be that as it may, I have to admit, I felt like skipping some Bible this morning while doing my quiet time. I thought at first that I maybe needed more motivation. I was going to put on Muse’s song, “Uprising,” and perhaps march around the office a little to what is easily the loudest I’ve ever heard three skinny Europeans rock, but that wasn’t going to do it. I was stuck in Exodus and it was time to learn what happens when your bull gores someone.

Don’t you hate that? You and your bull Roscoe are out on the porch enjoying perhaps a sarsaparilla or Dogfish Head 90 Minute when all of the sudden some neighborhood youths start causing trouble. You’re chill but Roscoe doesn’t play that way. He’s like Tim Olyphant in that new show Justified and yells “You wanna be starting something?” And then he gores them all.

What to do? What to do? Well unfortunately according to Exodus you have to stone Roscoe. And if he had a history of goring people, if his nickname was “All Gore” (that was horrible!) you have to die too.

The only reason I knew this is that I didn’t skip those pages in Exodus, but there is one section I always skip. Whenever I even get a whiff of it, I throw myself into overdrive like I used to on the Nintendo game, “Excite Bike” and I blast right out of there. Which part do I always skip?

The names.

I’m a lazy lineologist. (That’s not a real word, but it felt right.) Whenever I see long lists of names in the Bible, or “Beget Bingo” if you will, I skip right on by.

There’s my confession. How about you? Is there one section of the Bible you always have trouble with and even though you’re doing a read through the entire Bible plan you skip?

Confess today, you’re amongst friends.

This is a safe place.

Promise.