#718. Pigeonholing the Preacher’s Daughter

(Hooray, a female preacher’s kid has checked in. For years I have been writing very guy slanted pastor kid tales of woe. But thanks to Janna and this guest post, the ladies are about to have their time in the sun. And I’ve got another great guest post from a female pastor’s kid coming in a few weeks, enjoy.)

Nearly everyone knows Dusty Springfield’s hit, “Son of A Preacher Man,” but the song that speaks a bit more personally to me is called “Preacher’s Daughter,” by a little band known as The Refreshments. I first heard the song when my husband put it on a mix CD he made me when we were still dating. I liked it because it was loud and rocky, and the idea of some guy falling for a girl before he knew “the lady was a preacher’s daughter,” was a notion I could appreciate. In fact, more than once during my high school career, I wished for that same thing to happen to me.

Over the years I’ve had a love/hate relationship with the fact that I am a preacher’s daughter. When I was little, I felt proud when my Dad was behind the pulpit, except when he got loud — then it was a little scary. As I got older, my Dad and I were close and I grew in my own faith, but I didn’t like how the same old illustrations, featuring yours truly, continued to shine the spotlight on me when I was quite content to remain a wallflower.

We lived in a pretty small town when I was in high school, and after my sister left for college, I was the only preacher’s daughter left. . . in the entire town. When we went to associational camp during the summer, I met other pds, most of whom were “goody-two-shoes” like me. But there were always a few cryers at the end of the week making promises to repent of their Ariel Moore ways. And believe it or not, I felt sorry for them. I knew there were only two choices available for preacher’s daughters: the ingenue or the femme fatale. Extreme ends of the spectrum to be sure, but in my experience, when it comes to stereotypes, Christians don’t do halfway. Even if you don’t fit neatly into one box, people tend to put you there. Debate evolution just once in science class and you’re bona fide Bible-thumper. Date one questionable guy, and you’re the town harlot.

The truth is, we preacher’s daughters are just like the rest of you. We have our good qualities, and we have our bad qualities. And even though I tended to behave a lot like Sandra Dee, I can’t tell you how many times I daydreamed of being brazen enough to let my true feelings show. Feelings which were not always righteous and holy, that’s for sure.

Today I’d like to encourage us to reform our pigeon holing ways, and rather than help you identify what stereotype best fits your pastor’s daughter(s), I’d like to see if we can be honest about the kinds of conclusions we usually draw about them. (That’s right, I said “we.” Because even though I jumped out of the fishbowl when I left for college, I have found myself tempted to view various other pastor’s daughters through the exact same lens.) To rate yourself, simply answer the following questions. The daughters will no doubt appreciate it, and maybe this new found freedom will translate into grace for all kinds of people we’ve previously judged. Now that would be something to sing about.

1. You see your pastor’s daughter at the ballgame, sitting with a boy who doesn’t go to your church, you immediately:

A. Feel pride at the fact she witnesses so frequently, even during football.

B. Wonder if they’re having premarital sex.

C. Turn your attention back to the game, maybe you’ll go say hi to both of them at halftime.

2. You’re assigned to sleep in the same cabin as you pastor’s daughter at church camp. Naturally, you:

A. Put her in charge maintaining curfew and bedcheck. She’s bound to be great at leadership, just like her dad.

B. Keep a close watch on her, especially after curfew and bedcheck.

C. Have a hard time remembering which one of these girls is related to the pastor, if any of them are.

3. Driving past the liquor store, you see a girl in the who looks a lot like your pastor’s daughter:

A. Turn the car around so you can give her some more tracts to pass out.

B. Pull over to send a text about her to four of your closest prayer partners.

C. Keep driving, you’ve got somewhere to be, right?

4. Your pastor tells you his daughter just got her driver’s license, your response:

A. “Guess she’ll be using your van to bring more homeless people to church, huh? You shore done a good job raisin’ that little angel, pastor.”

B. “Guess we better start walking on the roads, huh? The sidewalks just won’t be safe anymore.”

C. “What kind of car does she want to drive?”

5. Your pastor’s daughter plays:

A. The piano, of course. How else will she learn to accompany herself for all the solos she’ll sing when she’s a grown up preacher’s wife?

B. The vamp, every day of the week.

C. The oboe, the flute? How am I supposed to know?

6. Your pastor’s daughter walks past you at the end of service, you:

A. Wonder if it’s the sunlight or her own gentle spirit that makes her face glow.

B. Wish she would quit strutting around the sanctuary as if the aisle were her own personal runway.

C. None of the above

7. It’s graduation time and you’re wondering what gift you should send the pastor’s daughter:

A. The latest leatherbound version of Strong’s Concordance, with her name engraved on the front.

B. A first edition copy of The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

C. An Itunes gift card, just like you sent the other ten graduates.

8. At church, you:

A. Encourage your own daughter to go sit up front, like the preacher’s daughters do every week.

B. Check the balcony to see which boy your pastor’s daughter brought with her this week.

C. Have a hard time figuring out for yourself where to sit; why worry about what the pastor’s family’s doing?

Answer Key:

If you answered mostly A:

You’re wearing some pretty thick rose colored glasses. You are quite certain that all children who have ministers for parents can not help but be responsible, trustworthy Christians. Your own attendance to their future ordination is a foregone conclusion.

If you answered mostly B:

You are positive that all preacher’s kids are bad. You’ve seen enough of them to know, rebellion is in the blood. And why else would Madonna write that song?

If you answered mostly C:

Congratulations! You are completely unbiased. You couldn’t stereotype if you wanted to. You understand that every person is unique and will not allow yourself to fall victim to such infantile behavior. You weren’t raised in church, or even the Bible Belt were you? I’ll bet you’re from California.

by: Janna Barber