God is refusing to answer my questions right now.
There are a few fairly large challenges on the table at the present moment. I would love to get some resolution on them. I’ve made that clear to God. I’ve presented my case, stated what I would love to happen and yet, nothing.
So I find myself doing what I often do in situations like this, trying to jump start God like a car that stalled out.
Instead of pushing God down a hill to get momentum and then cranking the ignition with the hope that the motor will catch, I’m going through my “Christian to-do list.”
OK God, no answer on that issue huh? How about if I read the Bible a little more? Let’s try that. Nope that didn’t fix the silence. Maybe I need to say better prayers? Or get some wise counsel or read a Christian book or go through old journals and look at other situations in which you have provided? Will that do it, you ready to talk yet? You ready to resolve the things that I think need resolving? No? What’s it going to take to get a clear answer on this issue?
I don’t literally ball my hand into a fist and yell at the storm clouds, but I might as well. God is not removing the confusion around my future and that’s frustrating. “If He really loved me, He would,” I start to think. Maybe there’s some area of my life that I’m messing up in right now and if I can just over turn the right rock and kill the snake under it, then He’ll end His silence and show me what to do. Maybe if I can just figure out where the break in the line of communication is, I can patch it and God will be able to lift me out of the situation I’m in.
Have you ever felt like that? There was an issue or a situation you wanted God to speak to and it just felt like at the time you needed Him most He went into stealth mode? You kept coming back to Him with the same question.
Is this the job I’m supposed to take?
Is this the guy I’m supposed to marry?
Will we ever not be so strapped financially?
You asked and you asked and you asked, and no matter how often you went to Him with that issue, it seemed like He refused to remove it?
I’ve felt that way, in fact that’s how I feel right now, but I’m beginning to think I might be wrong.
What if, it’s not an issue of me not hearing God correctly or me sinning in some way that is disappointing God?
What if it’s not that God is just deciding to leave me vulnerable to a season of confusion?
What if God loves me too much to answer my prayer?
I think that might be the real question I need to wrestle with. I think that’s where I need to start and a friend in high school gave me a hint that pointed me in that direction years ago.
He was a “single topic friend.” Have you ever had one of those? It’s a friend where you only have one point of connection, one thing in common, one topic you can talk about. You know he likes college football so every time you see him, that’s what you talk about. You wish your relationship was bigger. You wish you could talk about your families or your future or a host of other things, but for some reason this relationship is stuck temporarily on one thing.
And if that relationship is important to you, if that girl, who only wants to talk to you about music, is important to you, you’ll continue to be faithful to that topic. If you really love that relationship you’d never say, “I don’t want to talk about college football or music anymore.”
That would close the door. That would end the conversation. That would atrophy the friendship. So instead, while you hope and pray that there will be an opportunity to expand your relationship, you delight in talking about college football with your single topic friend.
Sometimes I think I’m like that with God. I get one thing stuck in my head. I laser focus all my prayers and thoughts and energy on one particular issue. And then I take it to Him. It becomes the biggest part of our conversation, the driving force that I keep coming to Him about and then I act confused at why He won’t fix it already.
Maybe God loves me too much for that. Maybe God’s thinking, “Jon, I want there to be a million doors open between you and me. I want your marriage and your job and your children and your dreams and every inch of your life to be a door you open to me, but right now, in this season of life, the only door you’re opening is the one called ‘the future.’ And you keep asking me to close that door with some answer from above that includes a clear set of steps on what you should do. But why would I magically take that away? That’s the vehicle for 100% of our conversations right now, why would I eliminate that? The result would be less conversation with you and I love conversations with you. I want you near me and fixing that situation the way you want it fixed would actually push you away. You would take the answer and leave.”
I don’t know what you’re praying about right now. I hope that you’re more mature in your faith than I am and have already grown your relationship with God much bigger than a single topic friendship. But if you haven’t, if there’s one heavy thing that’s weighing on you, please know that it might be that God loves you too much to remove it.
