Comments on: Free book – Deadly Viper

By: Jim

Jim — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 07:58:33 +0000

Just got my copy + a People of the Second Chance sticker

By: Katherine

Katherine — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 04:22:54 +0000

I'm not sure what's happened but it says there are zero comments on this… I'm not sure what the go is there, and I know I'm already past the date, but it reminded me of the time, a few Christmas' ago, when my whole family went to midnight mass. My neice, two years old at the time, was standing up and playing with my daughter during the sermon, when she fell asleep standing up. Someone caught her just before she hit the pew. We had two pews worth of my family in silent hysterics for the rest of the sermon.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 15:33:39 +0000

Years ago I visited a church plant that met in a movie theater. the latest Clint Eastwood movie was showing later that afternoon. The marquee outside read:
WELCOME TO HORIZONS CHURCH
THE UNFORGIVEN

By: Michael & Meghan

Michael & Meghan — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:45:15 +0000

Our pastor was never the best time keeper but never run excessively long either.. however, we are a Southern Baptist Church in Southwest Georgia so the fried chicken starts calling at 12 sharp.. and things get to stiring. We've got one little old couple that always slips out during the invitational hymn, but even their less than subtle exit was one-upped on a fateful Sunday…

As the preacher continued his sermon, the congregation sat quiet and still, however, at the 5 minutes till mark (the mark that should begin the wrapup) the pastor was showing no signs of stopping… At the 4 minute mark, people were getting a little rustly… and then, at the 2 minute mark, a middle-aged member raised his watch in the air, tapped it twice and held up 2 fingers at the pastor… time is up, buddy.

By: Teri

Teri — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 06:04:36 +0000

Our new pastor, who had the tendency to ramble, had just finished a particularly circular bit of sermon when a cell phone went off…the ring tone? "Boooooring….." (said in the typical lilt, staring high and ending low"….

One of our favorite stories….

By: Jeff

Jeff — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 01:15:58 +0000

Our former senior Pastor was preaching about sex. He'd built up this great metaphor: Sex is life fire: within God's intended parameters, both are great things.
Fire belongs in a fire pit, and if it is outside of these paramets can burn your house down. Sex belongs in marriage and causes destruction outside of this parameter.
So far so good, right? It's actually a pretty good metaphor.

The problem was that he got himself a little bit mixed up half way through. He was doing this sort-of rapid fire back and forth thing he intended to say "Fire in the fire pit- good. Fire in the house- bad. Sex in marriage- good. Sex outside of marriage- bad."
He ended up mixing his metaphors. What he ended up saying was that sex in the fire pit was good. And then he stopped, realized what he'd said... tried to recover... and realized he couldn't.

By: B. Marie

B. Marie — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:45:59 +0000

Oh children's chat. I have great respect for pastors who do "children's chat" before the sermon, especially if they allow for comments from said children, as you never know what they are going to say.

One children's chat, the pastor called the kids up and showed them different pieces of money and asked them who was on the money and if that person was God. Amongst the chorus of "No's" that rang out, one voice said, "That's not God. God has a mustache."

I'm not quite sure how she came to that conclusion, but I have to admit that I always picture God with facial hair as well.

By: Mr. Claygirlsings

Mr. Claygirlsings — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 20:57:23 +0000

I've got to add a true story for my husband:

He went to a church where their small groups took communion together. Whoever was hosting was in charge of providing the bread & wine. As a responsible single man, one week he was hosting and forgot all about acquiring the elements prior to the group showing up. After a quick search of his "pantry", the group participated in communion – with Mountain Dew and Twinkies.

By: JenR

JenR — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:37:57 +0000

Growing up, our rather conservative Baptist church had missions week once a year which was kicked off with an "ethnic" missions dinner. The ethnicity of the dinner correlated to the country of the missions speaker. And so this tradition continued, year after boring year. Until…

It was China's turn to be in the spotlight. The food was great and dessert was obviously fortune cookies. Every single fortune cookie had the same fortune: "Conserve water; shower with a friend." Our church never did a Chinese dinner again. I will always wonder if the catering restaurant was bribed. Money well spent, I have always thought!

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:22:36 +0000

I commented earlier with the Billy Joel story, but I thought of another one.

I explained a little bit about my church in that comment, but something else about us is that we don't have the hymns we are going to sing picked out before the service. Basically, anyone from the congregation can call out a song number from the hymnal for us to sing, and that goes on for a few songs until the worship leader decides to have us stand, which is the sign that this is the last hymn. (Does anyone else do the number calling? I have never been to another church that does it.) To complicate things, our pianist cannot just play anything. Those of us who have been around for a while know the hymns she can play. But every once in a while a visitor or noob will call out some hymn she doesn't know how to play, which makes for an awkward 4 verses.

But one Sunday, our pastor called out a number to a hymn by memory to what was suppose to be "He Lives', if memory serves me correctly. However, when we all flipped to the page in the hymnals, it was a hymn called "I am Woman". The entire congregation was laughing, including the pastor! It took us a while to regain our composure.