#627. Footprints and shot glasses
I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes it is hard to come up with ideas for Stuff Christians Like. Although I learned a fire drill kind of approach to idea generation when I was writing branding for Home Depot, sometimes there is absolutely nothing creative coming out of my pen.
I mow the yard and my head keeps coming up empty. I drive to work and can’t concentrate on my commute with the flood of horribly unfunny ideas in my head. I scribble down nonsense on scraps of paper that my wife’s friends later find and mock me about. (“What did your husband mean by that post it note that just said, ‘I wish I knew more unhappy rich people?’)
Sometimes new ideas just refuse to show up, but other times, they fall right in my lap.
Or hand as it were.
I took this picture at a souvenir store in Destin, Florida. The resolution isn’t great, but hopefully you can clearly see what is written on the side of this shot glass.
That’s right, it’s Footprints in the Sand.
Arguably our favorite piece of literature outside of the Bible, the Footprints poem is a short ditty about a man talking with God. After seeing only one set of footprints in the sand during the difficult times in his life, the man asks, “Where were you God?” To which God replies, “Those were the times I was carrying you.”
I’ve got nothing against the Footprints poster, mug, commemorative belt or sport hair visor. I like sand, I like indentions in sand and I love God. Me and the footprints poem could probably share a small Kia rental car on a long trip through California wine country without getting into any major arguments. But footprints on a shot glass?
That is ridiculous.
The front of the shot glass says, “Footprints in the Sand. Destin, Florida.” The back? Oh the back is where the nonsense really gets the party started Pink style.
Here’s what it says:
“When times are tough, when you’re feeling blue,
if you’re not sure where you’re headed, remember the Lord, he will carry you.”
I wish I was the copywriter assigned to that project. I would have taken a slightly different angle on that poem.
“When times are tough, and your drink was blue,
If you pass out, someone will upload a photo on facebook of you.”
Or
“When times are tough, and you lost your right shoe
Remember your left eyebrow? Cause you lost that too.”
Or
“When times are tough, and you’re feeling blue,
you should go look in the mirror because you’re looking kind of purple too, I don’t know if all those shots was a good idea and then you ordered the #17 at the Magic Sun Chinese restaurant after eating “the fourth meal” at Taco Bell. I don’t feel like any of those things were wise decisions on your part. I’m just saying. You my friend, are the color of rotten pomegranates.”
OK, OK, OK, that last one got away from me a little bit, but I think I’m still reeling from the absurdity of the footprints poem on a shot glass.
How about you? How would you have written that poem if you were given the task for the side of a shot glass?
Let’s have a “Footprints Shot Glass Poetry Contest.” (I’m pretty sure Guideposts magazine already did this exact same thing, but I’m not terribly original.)
What would you put on the side of that glass?
