#617. Flannelgraph

Hi,

It’s me, flannelgraph. Yes, that flannelgraph, the Sunday School board that you used to put flannel shaped characters like Noah and Moses on to tell Bible stories.

What have you been up to? It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. You look good. Have you been working out? I hear good things about that P90X program but you know me, I’ll always be soft around the edges.

I haven’t been doing much lately, but I was going through some of my old VBS pictures the other day and it made me think of you. We had some wild times back then didn’t we? I was on top of the church world back in the late eighties. Seriously, I don’t know if they keep a chart of top-selling church supplies but if they did, I owned first place like INXS’s album “Kick.” Remember that one? That thing was packed with awesomeness, kind of like me. “New Sensation,” “Devil Inside,” “Need You Tonight,” every song on that album was a winner.

They even had the perfect slow jam, “Never Tear Us Apart.” That one hurts to listen to a little right now because something has torn us apart. Something came between you and I. Come on, stop walking away, I just want to talk. Let’s stop playing games. We both know what it is. There’s no use pretending. We both know what wrecked our relationship.

Whiteboards.

I get it. I do, I do, I just didn’t see it coming. I understand they’re easy to draw on, you can project a computer image on them and kids can draw all over them in Sunday School, but are they soft to the touch? Are they fuzzy fun? Can you tell me they really make you happy? Are you cool with having your hands get all smudgy with ink? Don’t make me quote Justin Timberlake Jr., Jesse McCartney, and ask you, “how do you sleep?”

You’re not even listening. I don’t even know why I came here today. Do you know where I spend most of my time? Inside a box at the bottom of the supply closet next to the secret bathroom at church. It’s dark in here. No one ever really visits the supply closet. A few weeks ago a teenager looking for a Frisbee found me and with complete and utter confusion said, “What is this old thing?”

That “cut like a knife,” if I could borrow a line from Canada’s John Cougar Mellencamp, Bryan Adams. I’m not relevant any more. Look at me, babbling with 80s references. I’m not postmodern, whatever that means. Kids these days are growing up without flannel. Doesn’t that make you sad? It doesn’t? OK.

Well I won’t bother you anymore. I’ll leave you alone with your shiny new friend Mr. Whiteboard. Just promise me you won’t forget what we once had. When you’re ready to come home to Flannel Country, please know that like Richard Marx sang, I’ll be “right here waiting for you.”

Forever offering the softer side of Sunday School,

Flannelgraph