Comments on: Surviving church as a married couple without kids.

By: Scott Phillips

Scott Phillips — Mon, 23 May 2011 21:59:46 +0000

My wife and I experience this all the time. Most churches revolve around kids. Church growth strategies are to have great kids programs to reach families. I worked with a pastor who said parents don’t care where they go to church, as long as their kids like the church. Um, ok.

I’ve had parents tell my wife and I that we don’t know REAL problems since we don’t have kids. It doesn’t matter how serious the struggle or problem, some parents say “well, wait til you have kids.” It’s incredibly rude and insensitive to whatever struggle someone is having. As if a college student would tell a 2nd grader “stop whining, you don’t know what real problems are.” Everyone deals with what is at their current level or stage in life.

By: Adrienne

Adrienne — Tue, 17 May 2011 17:48:55 +0000

I just found this today, but it really hit home. I scored a 40 on the test. Most people assume that after being married 7.5 years, we just don’t want children, when in reality we HAVE been trying for almost three years, and have suffered through a miscarriage. Yes, we do skip the Mother’s Day services every year. Yes, people mention adopting to us constantly. Yes, we’ve been told to “stop trying.” It all gets very old and frustrating.

By: OnlyMarried

OnlyMarried — Fri, 06 May 2011 12:59:29 +0000

These questions must be devistating for women who dearly want and are trying to have children. On the other side of the fence, what about Christian women who just don’t want kids, at least right now? My huband and I are the only couple in our Sunday School class that aren’t pregant or have multiple children. We’ve only been married 3 years and want to advance our personal and professional lives before we become parents. We addressed our church about a possible class for married couples w/o kids and they basically told us, “don’t worry, you’ll be there (pregnant)soon.” It’s very discouraging when all conversations are about formula and daycare and all activities involve diaper changes and tantrums. Unfortunately I’m beginning to get the feeling that, at least in the church setting, once you’re married you’re expected to get pregnant regardless of your and your spouse’s life plan. Anyone else out there with that issue?

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 01:25:14 +0000

Thanks for this post!! We’ve been “church-shopping” for a while so our experiences are less church-related and more family-related. We get the same questions all the time. It used to be a minor annoyance until a miscarriage a few months ago. Now I’m facing concerns of infertility, and no one to really turn to. This made me smile through my concerns. Thank you!!!

By: Summer

Summer — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 03:06:12 +0000

I’m in the same boat. Military and no kids, and it is hard.

By: Over it

Over it — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 09:20:38 +0000

Remind me NEVER to try and talk to friends about their inability to have children. It seems its futile no matter what you say. This is a very hard topic to have a conversation about, but the obvious annoyance it causes the childless couple, I will offer this from now on: “sucks to be you.”

By: MKP

MKP — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 19:01:52 +0000

I just stumbled upon this while looking for groups for Married Couples without Children. We are in a military community and you cannot miss the children, babybumps and moms where ever you look. Usually here a deployment means children conceived right before, after, or during leave. I’ve been told many times “oh, it will happen when you relax” or “friends of ours adopted, and they got pregnant during the process”. Many many times I tried to have faith God will provide. But when we are a minority in a military world filled with women being mom’s, and us in our 30ies without children, it is hard to make friends. I don’t constantly want to hang out with my friends with kids, because many times their adult conversations somehow end up talking about their pregnancies and kids woes and foes.
We’ve only been married 6 years, but get asked many times if we don’t want children if they hear we are married 6 years without children. Or thrown in the face when someone’s kids are bad, if I want them? Wow! Yes I’d take them and NOT complain about them in a heart beat!
The average couple here marries right out of highschool here because one of the two goes in the military, they don’t want to “wait” it out. The wife joins the soldier, they have 1-2 kids within’ two years of marriage. What is not seen is the many divorces after that. I’ve seen many of the young couples after 2-4 years of marriage and 1-2 kids divorce. It is a shame.
I guess we are blessed to be married for 6 years and still going strong, even without children.
But I do experience being treated different and being told I cannot really give an opinion on raising children because we have none, or “wait until you have kids, you can give an opinion then”. I was a secundary caretaker for children for years with families, where the kids were left to my care most hours of the day, and that did teach me something about raising children, granted they were not mine, I was given the reins and ability to raise kids with these couples.

Why has it become such a norm? Get married and have kids right away and if you don’t (wether due to choice or circumstance (circumstance in our case and a little bit of choice)) you are weird?

By: Tim

Tim — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 13:35:35 +0000

I’m a single at my church and I’ve been told that holding a baby looks good on me and asked when I’ll have my own!

By: ElusiveTurkey

ElusiveTurkey — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 23:00:12 +0000

Wow. I was expecting this post to be funny but it actually made tears come to my eyes. You should have warned me!

McWok sounds like a burger you’d order at a Chinese restaurant. Instead of a patty there would be stir fry meat and veggies, and instead of ketchup/mustard would be teriyaki sauce. Mmmm… that sounds good.

By: Alonewolf

Alonewolf — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 19:00:18 +0000

I think I should get at least 700 points for enduring a woman who all but called me a liar for telling her we had no children. That's 200 points for the argumentive accusation, 500 points for keeping my fist under that table instead of putting it in her mouth. It finally took a woman who knows us to tell her that I was telling the truth, we have no children. Did she apologize? Is the Pope Protestant?

Loved the MCWOK scorecard. I'm going to print it out and carry it to church with me. I try to keep a sense of humor about being childless, but sometimes the pot boileth over. This'll throw a few ice cubes in and reduce the temperature for a while.