From #182. Saying "pot blessings" instead of "pot lucks."

Christians love sharing food. What they don't like is the idea of luck- it sounds too heathen. So that these two do not meet Christians have Pot Blessings instead of Pot Lucks. Whether the contents of said pots is actually a blessing is debatable on many occasions.

Example: I feel really sick today. That pot blessing certainly wasn't a blessing for me.

The Scripture Sipper:
Tired of marginalizing your spiritual integrity by drinking coffee in the church sanctuary? You know you've done it; condemnation sliding down your esophagus with every guilt laced sip. Fear not for there is a solution for you: The Scripture Sipper Bible. Now you can have your steamy beverage in church without the flames of hell licking your Pumas. This completely functional Bible has a hallowed out thermos core for coffee. There's also a zippered pocket for biscotti.Best of all, we've included a bendy straw that's 24 inches long so you can hold your Bible in your lap and read along while delivering frothy carmel half caff deliciousness straight to your pie hole. Ahhhhhhh. The Scripture Sipper. That's one more thing you can cross off your Repentance List.

Example: Every time the pastor said the word "sex" from the pulpit I spewed forth a mouthfull of Joe on those around me. I nearly had my highlighter revoked. But thanks to the Scripture Sipper Bible I endured a series on the Song of Solomon without incident. Oh, beloved Scripture Sipper, what would I be without you?

From #242. Developing highly sensitive "God-dar" (or how to spot a famous Christian)

Leave the gaydar to the heathens, real believers have a God-dar. The God-dar is the instinctive ability some Christians have to be able to determine if a celebrity is really a Christian on the basis of subtle clues most would miss.

Example: As soon as he appeared on TV, my God-dar lit right up

From #530. Buying a new bible. (The 9 easy questions you need to ask yourself.)

Mangkade brings the divergent worlds of Manga cartoons and Thomas Kinkade paintings together for the noble task of bible illustrating. It is a sensible partnering because everyone knows Jesus enjoyed karate kicking zombies in quiet meadows when he had a day off.

Example: Have you seen the new Mangkade bible? the devil gets karate chopped pretty hard!

from #231. Drinking coffee in church.

Everyone knows Christians are often addicted to coffee. Unfortunately some people don't approve of taking coffee into Church. The scripture sipper solves this problem by disguising a coffee flask as a bible.

Example: "That's a cool looking bible! Is it an ESV?" "No, it's a scripture sipper

#106. The side hug.

More sanctified than a normal hug, a sidehug a way of expressing care without the dreaded body to body contact. It is especially popular between members of the opposite gender.

Example: Sidehugs only please, i need my personal space.

#494. Sin Synonyms – Pretty ways to say an ugly word

While we know that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet Christians often believe that a sin by any other name would be less serious. Sin Synonyms are creative ways of disguising bad actions with positive words.

Example: You did WHAT? Better start working on some Sin Synonyms before people start asking you about it.

From #5 bootleg cookies

Just like oreos. Only they cost a quarter of the price…and have a weird texture….and are made in China….and don't taste very good. They are a commonly spotted at Vacation Bible School.

Example: I got excited for a moment there and thought it was really Oreos. Alas it is only bootleg cookies.

from #555. Making up a prayer request because everyone else has one.

A specific form of peer-pressure that involves intimidating people into praying in a group setting.

Example: I don't ever want to go to her prayer meetings ever again. Too much prayer pressure.

From #363. The Camp Testi-whoa-ny

A testi-whoa-ny is when a testimony and secrets combined into one big too much information mess. It involves telling your testimony in way too much detail often incriminating/embarrassing someone else in the process. They often take part around a camp fire.

Example: If this testimony keeps going the way it is headed it will turn into a testi-whoa-ny