Why “core” families leave the church:
•Families lose their “personal touch” and relationship they had once enjoyed with their leaders
•Families feel less important than they used to be
•Families feel used and or “used up”
•When the church “business” becomes a “church business”
•When church takes on “successful” business practices and becomes a successful church business
•When I’m no longer your “brother” or “sister” but a human resource for your organization
•When “BIG “ breeds bureaucracy and politics – getting things done becomes just too frustrating
•When what once was a joy is now another “job”
•When processes begin to replace relationships
•When committees replace relationships
•When leaders become less and less accessible
•When leadership communication goes “down” but little comes back up
•When a new leader emails you and says “Thanks for your help, but I’m taking over”
•When church (corporate) “branding” supersedes church (corporate) “loving”
•When more effort is spent on marketing the brand than disciplining
•When that begins to sound like “It’s our way or the highway”- not God’s way
•When church becomes a “stage production”
•When I don’t fit your “economic” status anymore, and feel “less valuable”
•When I can’t “perform” right now because my life is under sedge and I’m no longer valuable
•When Leaders are asked to lead outside of their gifting and fail/or are “fired”
•When I am wondering, “Where are you when I really needed you?”
•When families need a “barn-raising” they get a band aid or “told you so”
•When I needed you to “cover” me…. you exposed me
•When you can’t really say what you mean anymore since it doesn’t fit the “theme” of the church
•When your wife no longer is interested in going to church she once loved
•When your daughter is no longer interested in going to church she once loved
•When the man’s best friends start leaving for the same reasons
•When families feel like church is another job, and they want to be part of a family
•When families that should never fail, collapse in the midst of the “protective camp”

I never really have fit into a “corporation” but I’ve always felt right at home in a family. That’s because healthy families aren’t “professional” they are “touchable.” People come/go from corporations every day, but healthy families are very difficult to leave.

BTW, my score is 7. I've been more of a church-hopper post college than during college, mainly b/c I've moved put of town a few times. I probably church-shopped the most when I spent a year living back at home last year. Since I didn't grow up in the church and I didn't like my parents' church, I shopped around a lot. After a few months, I finally did find a church that fit me and I could be of use, and while there I got involved with small group and youth group, but then I got a job and I ended up moving again.

One other thing is this…sometimes we think we know what we need from a church, but it might not be what God has in mind, and we might want to think more in a mindset of how we can serve instead of just what we can get. When I moved back to my current city, I was convinced I needed a church w/a singles group. I went to three of these churches, but it didn't work (two of these churches had singles groups that were really for college kids and I'm 28, the other was for very elderly singles).

I found my current church through a friend that I didn't even know was a Christian (I had lost touch w/her for a while and when I moved back to town, she told me). This small church doesn't have a singles group, but it is a perfect fit for me because it's a welcoming yet tight-knit community, it's doctrinally sound, and the best thing is that I have opportunities to be involved and to serve.

Happened to a guy I work with. I wish somebody would pull that on me so I could casually mention that we’re worshiping a homeless dude.

Three nights later, 3 very sweet little old ladies show up at our door. Picture this: our daughter (8 months old at the time) is in nothing but a diaper. She had dried food on her belly and face as she had just eaten and I had not gotten her into the bathtub yet. I’m looking even better with my messy hair up in a scraggly ponytail, ripped sweats and wait for it…a t shirt from my college days that has a picture of car keys on it with a slash through it and it reads “No thanks, I’m drinking!”. Our house was a wreck because the baby had kept me hopping and I hadn’t cleaned house yet. The little old ladies were quite gracious, but I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

I will NEVER fill out a visitor’s card again. Or maybe I’ll just slip them a fake address, I haven’t decided yet