(Someone mentioned the other day that it was really fun seeing where everyone is from in the comments on this post but that since it was in January and on a Saturday, the post kind of disappeared under the onslaught of new stuff. So I re-posted so that it wouldn’t get lost in January. If you haven’t commented yet, let’s hear where you are from and what you do.)

Stuff Christians Like is becoming a community, but there aren’t a lot of opportunities for us to each say, “Hey, this is who I am,” given the parade o’ sarcasm I usually march across these pages.

So today I thought it might be fun just to pause and say, “Hi, I’m Jon. I live in Atlanta, Georgia and I write for an IT department.”

So how about it?

What do you do and where are you from?

p.s. Someone asked if I was doing this for demographic info. Nope. I think folks often do that with a survey and not with comments. I just saw that my friend Carlos did this on his site and 500 folks had a good time responding about who they are and what they did. I thought we too could share in that good time. So student, worker, unemployed, whatever, what do you do?

You will not believe this next sentence, but I assure you it is true.

Churches are starting to use scent to enhance the experience of Sunday morning.

I’m not surprised by this. How often have you heard people say, “In order to sell your house, bake cookies before visitors come over?” And branding experts like Kevin Roberts of Saatchi & Saatchi predicted years ago that scent was the next frontier in creating a welcoming environment for people. So it makes sense that some churches are piping in scents via their HVAC systems during service and I’m cool with that.

But it begs the question, what does church smell like?

When I first heard churches were doing this, the flavor I figured they were focusing on is “Hope,” which I am pretty sure is some sort of mix of pomegranate and pineapple. (Have you ever seen a fruit dominate all other fruits so thoroughly as the pomegranate? That thing has been making cameos in everything these last few years.)

But what if the scent company, which I am choosing to believe is called, “Smells like Church Spirit” is reading this blog? What if they were open to taking some suggestions from us for new flavors? With the great focus on social justice in the church right now, a lot of blogs are geared at trying to change how our generation serves. What if instead we focused on how our generation smells?

Let’s do it today by recommending some fresh new church scents. Here are mine:

1. Donkey
That’s gross, right? Wrong. You waft the scent of donkey through the sanctuary during any sermon about the birth of Christ and people are going to immediately find themselves in the manger.

2. Bouquet of Vacation Bible School
This is a mix of bootleg cookies, playdoh and orange drink. Since glitter doesn’t have a smell, it might be nice if you piped in a little bit that could flutter down upon our shoulders from above as if it were angel tears and encourage people to volunteer this summer.

3. Carp
A lot of people won’t request this one, but if you really want to drive home the whole “fishers of men” or “fish and loaves” multiplication miracle, I think you’re going to need to develop a carp scent you can fill the church with. Bass would probably work well too, but for my money carp is the way to go.

4. Old Hymnal
That’s a no brainer. Calm down all of us who come from traditional backgrounds by mixing contemporary music with the smell of old hymnals. Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory and we’re more than willing to sing a lot of choruses of “Blessed Be the Name” if we’re fondly remembering the days of holding a hymnal.

5. Gossip
I’m not sure exactly what gossip smells like. It’s probably a combination of vinegar, Drakkar Noir from me in the seventh grade and feet. But if you ever preach on it, it might be nice to literally remind people that gossip stinks.

Those are the five I hope my church will one day invest in. How about you? Got any ideas on how church should smell?

What scent do you want “Smells Like Church Spirit” to develop?

Let me clear something up for you. If a member of the opposite sex asks you to go to church, a Bible Study, a retreat or any other number of church-related activities, you have not just been propositioned for a date. Or at least that’s how it worked at Samford University, the small Baptist school I went to in Birmingham, Alabama.

Let’s say you get asked to attend some cool sounding event by a pretty girl in your English class. She starts taking special interest in you, asking you questions about your life, your plans for the future, etc. And if you were me, which thankfully you are not, you’d think to yourself, “Is this girl hitting on me? Are we going to make out right here in English class? That seems inappropriate but people do find the unibrow pretty irresistible.”

But then in the midst of what you thought was a “wooing process” you get picked up for what you thought was a date only to find the car packed with four other Bible Study attendees and it hits you …

you weren’t being wooed, you were being witnessed.

In order to prevent this from happening to both Christians and non believers the world over, I came up with a few phrases you can say to let someone know that you are witnessing to them and not hitting on them:

1. “I’d like you to go to heaven with Jesus, not the movies with me.”
Sure, maybe going to the Outback and having a blooming onion would be delightful, but that’s not the destination you’re really concerned with right now. We’re talking eternal consequences not what’s happening this Saturday night. So be upfront about that.

2. “I’m trying to love on you, not fall in love with you.”
This one is a little murky and you might even have to make air quotes with your fingers when you say it. The person you’re trying to witness to probably doesn’t even know we Christians use “love on” as a verb. So go slow with this and be prepared to repeat it.

3. “I like you. Jesus loves you.”
Bring it back to Jesus. Take the romance out of the night by centering the conversation back on the deep, passionate affection Jesus has for the person you’re talking to. Sure, everybody wants a tender Roni, Bobby Brown made that clear long ago, but this isn’t happening like that right now.

4. “I love you like a neighbor, not a boyfriend.”
Guys the world over shudder when they hear the phrases, “I think of you like a brother” or “I think of you like a good friend, not a boyfriend.” Even typing those, having been married almost 8 years, I got a little queasy. And as much as I hate to do it, I had to create a Christian version. Let your friend know that you think of them like a neighbor and are therefore loving your neighbor, in the same way you would love Mrs. Robinson, the crazy cat lady you grew up across the street from.

Dating is hard enough without adding the Great Commission to the mix. I hope this will clear up some awkward situations for you single folks out there.

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

I don’t talk a lot about the many, many awards this site has won for two reasons:
1. I’m wicked humble.
2. The site hasn’t won any.

Those are the main two reasons.

But recently, Stuff Christians Like won the 2008 Reader’s Choice Award for Best Faith and Pop Culture Blog. They sent me a copy of the issue in the mail and there’s my picture looking all smarmy and smarmy. I had to use that word twice because that’s just the truth. I apparently have two faces I am able to make when it comes to photos:

1. Smarmy Jerk
2. Insecure seventh grader.

Apparently I went with option #1 that day. To see the photo in question and an article about writers that use humor and faith, check out collidemagazine.com.

Thanks readers of Collide. I personally think this was lil’ Wayne’s year and he should have won the award but now I’m just quoting Kanye West. Which is ridiculous.

Yesterday, a reader asked if she should feel guilty for not supporting Kurt Warner, huge Christian, in the Super Bowl tonight. The answer is yes, yes she should and so should you.

Next to the World Cup and March Madness, I’m pretty sure the Super Bowl is God’s favorite sporting event. He’ll be watching the game and more importantly, He’ll be watching you. Don’t make the mistake I made and root against Kurt Warner. Years ago he was playing the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Hailing from New England, I decided to support my regional team instead of my religious team. Big mistake.

We might have won the Super Bowl that year but in years since we’ve been caught cheating, had our superstar quarterback injured for the whole season, and lost the Super Bowl, after going undefeated all year, on a miracle catch by a wide receiver for the New York Giants. A Christian wide receiver.

Coincidence? I think not.

So unless you want your crops to fail, your team’s quarterback to start dating an international supermodel (the kiss of death when it comes to sports) and want to be labeled as “that guy that rooted against God in the Super Bowl,” you better get on board with Kurt Warner and the Cardinals.

Unless there’s a Christian on the Steelers. And then, well, I don’t know what we’re supposed to do.