Comments on: Getting caught off guard by divorce.

By: karldomogalla

karldomogalla — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 00:38:28 +0000

‘We’re here, we’re queer, we don’t want any more bears!’
‘Sir there’s an unruly mob here to see you.’ ‘Do they have an appointment?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘I phoned ahead.’

By: Christina

Christina — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 22:38:57 +0000

When I read that part about bears it reminded be of the “Bear Patrol” on the Simpsons

By: Jason

Jason — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 04:02:10 +0000

best advice on marriage was from my dad – " you don't have to understand them, you just have to love them"

best advice about girls in general from my friend tom – "cute, smart, sane. pick two"

By: brooke

brooke — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:45:08 +0000

my psychology professor was such a wise man. "the most detrimental thing to bring into a marriage are your preconceived ideas of what marriage is like." and "the mark of a good marriage is knowing to pull a little harder when the other is too tired to push. cover each other's back."

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:24:23 +0000

in our marriage I am the howmeister. Thanks for the reminder to say wow more often.
Also, say it first, then if the idea looks like it really will go somewhere, how becomes an important contribution the wowmeister appreciates.

By: UptownHippie

UptownHippie — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 23:56:00 +0000

I have parents who have been married for 25+ years and are still blissfully in love. They hold fast to the "divorce is not an option" theory.

However, I have to say quite honestly that if/when I say my vows, there is an asterisk behind every "I do". If my husband were ever to physically abuse me, I would turn around and pack a suitcase and not return until he had done some SERIOUS work to figure out what was going on in his life that made him think that was okay. And if he ever hit or was sexually inappropriate with our children, he would never, ever see or speak to me or them again. No hesitation, no exceptions, PERIOD.

So I love the idea of divorce not being an option. HOWEVER, I can't honestly subscribe to it. Because if you touch my (hypothetical, future) children, you will only be speaking to me via e-mails to my lawyer.

By: jana.kaye

jana.kaye — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 22:03:00 +0000

I’ve dealt with 3 divorces in the past 3 years…not me personally, but my friends. One couple was married for over 30 years, and their children are my age. One couple was married for 4 years before splitting, and one couple for 5 months.

As a single person, I personally think that it stinks to have to be cleaning up the trash of divorce when I’ve never had the fun of a wedding. Divorce hits everyone connected to the couple…especially if you are friends with both parties, as I am in all 3 cases.

Thank you for posting this. I agree that we need to consider divorce more publicly, and it is a huge deal. At this point, I feel that the best marriage advice I ever heard is not to.

By: Rob Finking

Rob Finking — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 10:16:00 +0000

Nice post.

Single best piece of advice I've received (which comes out of several of the others below):

If you want to put yourself in the greatest danger, simply assume it will never happen to you.

Best marriage advice I received before getting married (from a colleague who has been married ~20years):
Anticipate that marriage comes with problems, and you will be prepared to face them rather than troubled that they are happening

Best marriage advice I received after getting married:
1. (from two different friends who split up) Complacency is your enemy. Just because your relationship is strong now, don't take it for granted. Invest in it ALL the time to keep it fresh.
2. (From a book I read years ago and a conference speaker I heard last year) Looking at porn affects your relationship. Even if nobody knows, it affects you and it affects your relationship. Tell somebody about it!
3. (From the book "Finishing Strong", http://www.amazon.com/Finishing-Strong-Going-Distance-Family/dp/1576737268):
In a survey, Christians who ended up having an affair:
– Were spending significant time with their affair partner for legitimate reasons (e.g work) before the affair started
– Had stopped having a regular "quiet time" with God
– Didn't have any close Christian friends who they shared deep personal stuff with
– Didn't think it would happen to them

Most useful observation since getting married (We tied the knot in 1998):
We are in a war. Just a Simon-Peter utterly devoted to Christ, was "sifted like wheat" by Satan (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=49&chapter=22), so God allows us to be tested. God gives us grace according to what we need. If we are close to him then we are allowed to be tested much more severely. God works with us and for us, but we must invest the talents he has given us, not just rely on spending time close to him (of primary importance though that is)!

Finally, I have learned that all relationships are different and advice that helps 99% of relationships might be poison for yours – there are no easy answers.

All the best with working on your relationships =)

Rob

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 06:02:00 +0000

As a single, canadian girl, I feel that the most I can contribute to this thread, is to assure all my urban friends, that there is indeed, such a thing as bear-spay. Good post.

By: Heather

Heather — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 03:20:00 +0000

i am in the process of divorce as well…i’ve had nearly a perfect life, and never thought this could happen to me. i don’t “believe” in divorce either, and i don’t think it should happen…but sometimes you don’t have a choice when the other person leaves…all you can do is turn to God and pray that He will carry you through…and trust His promises. no one is safe from divorce-so do whatever you can to prevent it. to the others who wrote that they were divorced or going through divorce, God has a plan for us…and that is where my hope lies for each of you and for myself.