#492. Creative Niche Ministry Groups.

(Everyone loves Curtis. He’s a champ at the guest post, is always leaving funny comments and might be coming to the Off the Blogs event in Atlanta on February 26. So if you want to meet the man behind fantastic posts like this one, you should come too. In the meantime you should laugh with Curtis, because he is fantastic.)

Creative Niche Ministry Groups

Your church probably has a group of men who love riding Harleys who get together every Friday and ride motorcycles called the “Holy Rollers.” So does mine.

There’s more than likely a group of women who chew gum and discuss books at your church. They call themselves “Chick Lit” or something clever. News flash: every church is required to (I think that is in accordance to Luther’s 21 statutes).

It’s about time we came up with some new, fresh, relevant ministry groups to reach some groups in the church who don’t feel connected. If you do decide to start one of these ministries, you’ll no doubt be the first. Here is my idea:

Jon recently told me I could start an interpretive dance senior adult ministry at the church he’s starting someday. It will be like Blue Man Group meets Evil Knievel meets the Golden Girls. I’ll call them the “Beulah Land Group.”

Picture this: two old men in HoverRound wheelchairs propel off of ramps on opposite sides of the stage. They exchange a mid-air fist pound. They are wearing matching windsuits made of felt board material that they use to illustrate Bible stories while on the move. For the percussion portion of the performance, the elderly grooveaholics smash bedpans together in rhythm (instead of trash can lids) and bang their drumsticks on each other’s metal hips (instead of trash cans or cowbells). All this is performed to David Crowder remixes exclusively. For the grand finale, a jumping geriatric who has replaced the tennis balls on the legs of his walker with pogo sticks performs Lord of the Dance moves. This may give an all-too-literal meaning to the term “break dance”.

If you don’t have enough spry old timers at your church though, here are some other ministry ideas that are soon to take the church world by storm:

Sunday Morning Worship Enforcement Unit:
This ministry attracts the many in your church who moonlight as security guards or bouncers in clubs, but with a twist: instead of kicking people out of worship services, this group of burly gatekeepers makes sure people don’t leave the service early for any reason. Don’t worry, it doesn’t take too long to get out of the parking lot. Your church has a police traffic person to keep things moving, right?

Skittleholics Anonymous:
In this 12 step program, people who can’t get enough of tasting the rainbow learn to break the addiction. Step 1: Purple is not a flavor, it’s just a color. Step 2: There is a higher power, and He doesn’t reward me with colorful candy treats. Step 3: I will be accountable to my dentist…and so on.

Knitty Gritty:
In this program, at risk youth are paired up with old people who teach them how to knit sweaters, socks, and even teach them how to make those awesome God’s Eyes out of popsicle sticks and yarn like we used to make in VBS.

Lego Outreach Ministry:
We’ve all seen “The Bridge” tract dozens of times…but have you seen it built in real Lego blocks? This ministry does some serious connecting…to God. Does it feel like God is several hundred cubits away sometimes? Love can build a bridge between you and God—a LEGO BRIDGE!

I realize some of these ministry ideas might be a tad bit specific to my community, which is apparently comprised mostly of old people that enjoy candy.

What are some creative niche ministries you’d like to see in your church?

For more from Curtis, check out his blog justwallpaper.wordpress.com