#457. My jail mustache (Or giving people three gifts this year)
At work, people will occasionally show up to a 15 person meeting with three copies of the handout we’re supposed to all have. In an effort to pretend they did that on purpose, they’ll say, “Uh, yeah, in order to be green, I only brought three copies. If you want your own and just want to punch the planet directly in the face and ensure that all of our kids are never able to play in tree forts because you cut them all down, feel free to make your own copy.”
They don’t say that last part exactly, but that’s the sentiment and I’m starting to get the temptation to make a similar excuse with Christmas this year. You see a lot of people I know have decided to give their kids three gifts for Christmas in a head nod to the three gifts Jesus got from the wise men.
I think that can be an awesome thing to do. My own kids have too many toys. We are overwhelmed with “stuff” in our house. Stuff we don’t need. Stuff we don’t play with. And the idea that instead of making this Christmas a bloated “stuff parade” we could focus on the story of Jesus’ birth by giving only three gifts is fantastic. I love that idea, but I doubt my own motives.
I’d be tempted to use the three wise men gift idea as an excuse for waiting until the last minute to shop. It’s December 16th and I haven’t really bought any gifts yet. I can already envision myself on Christmas morning telling my wife and kids, “Hooray, daddy got you three things, just like the wise men. It’s a Biblical Christmas miracle!”
I foresee three possible problems with that plan:
1. The gifts from the wise men were insano expensive.
Insano isn’t an exact Hebrew translation but the point is that their gifts were lavish. They gave Jesus gold. And despite those awesome “buy gold now” commercials with the guy from Law and Order SVU, (for shame) which promise, “Gold has never been worth nothing,” I just don’t have any. I won’t be able to really match the value of the three gifts concept, just the number. I think to justify the cheapness, I would end up saying things like “No, Christmas didn’t sneak up on me this year, not at all. Instead, I’m only giving out three gifts like the wise men. Yeah that’s it. This is a Jesus thing. What, you want a fourth gift? Why do you hate Jesus so much?”
2. My kids are too smart.
We’ve spent too many hours on the My Little Pony aisle at Wal-mart for my kids to be fooled by my attempt to only give them three small gifts. They know that Rainbow Dash and Minty and Pinkie Pie and all the other pasteled, petite ponies of prettiness are available. If the, “This is just like the book of Matthew” logic doesn’t work with them I could always just say, “There was a glitter glue shortage and we had to put all the other ponies down,” but is that anyway to start a Christmas morning?
3. I’d be too tempted to carry the “just like the Bible theme” all the way out.
I have a hard time doing things halfway. I’m an all in or all out kind of guy. So if we as a family decide to reflect the wise men gift idea, then we’re going to need to get a donkey. That’s just how it works. We’re going to need some hay and some camels and probably one of those giant lights they shine into the sky to attract you to big sporting events. And you probably need a permit for one of those things so that you don’t blind airplanes passing overhead. But I wouldn’t get one because I’d want to be 100% accurate to the Bible and I’m pretty sure the New Testament doesn’t mention a permit for the star over Bethlehem. So then I’d get arrested. And as the police dragged me to the police car in my long, flowing scriptural robes and wise man mustache (the only thing I can grow), I’d yell out “three gifts, three gifts!” And probably “freeedoommm” too, just because Braveheart is like an extra book of the Bible for a lot of people.
Whoa, now I’m adding books to the Bible and going to jail with a mustache?
Nobody wants that.
Question:
Are you doing the three gifts thing this year?
