#449. Wondering if God is enough.

When I go to other blogs, that are high tech and easy to navigate, I feel like a failure, like I’m not doing enough. That if I were a “real blogger,” that if I were really dedicated to growing Stuff Christians Like, I would be better at social networking or building community or all the other things that feel intellectually out of my skill set. And as write the book version of this site, I can sense that same sense of inadequacy rising.

It’s one thing to write a free blog on blogspot that no one expects to be good. It’s a completely different thing to write a book that people pay money for. That’s real, that’s permanent, those words on the printed page don’t change if I wake up in the middle of the night and realize an idea was wrong. And so I start to worry if I have what it takes. Will the book sell enough copies? Will enough people buy it? Do I have enough to do this?

In the midst of this worrying and wrestling, I recently felt like if I listened to God, if I confessed my fear of being enough, He might respond:

“I’m just using this book to bring you closer to me. That’s what this is about. I want to be closer to you and show you who I am and who you are. It’s not about money or having an easy life or becoming famous or anything else. You’re going to get a closer relationship with me out of this experience and that is enough. That is enough.”

I think that is true. I think that if the outcome of this book writing experience is a closer relationship with God, then that is enough. His presence is enough. That is wildly, change my entire world enough.

But that’s a really easy thing to say when the experience you’re in the middle of is a good one. I mean, wow, I got an insight during the middle of a book deal. How hard is it to listen to the voice of God when things are going well and the situation you’re wrestling with is the realization of a life long dream? Give me a break, you ridiculous blog writer. You found truth in the midst of sunshine and rainbows and frolicking unicorns of happiness. Congratulations.

That’s what I would be thinking if I read this post, or I would have until a few weeks ago. You see, before a meeting started at work, I shared the “God is enough” idea with a woman I know. Upon hearing my idea, her eyes instantly welled up with tears. Turns out, she’d heard those same few sentences before, only it wasn’t from a smart mouth kid writing a book, it was from a friend facing a battle with cancer he would ultimately lose. A youth group leader, staring down certain death, told her, “If the only thing that comes from this experience is a closer relationship with God, that is enough. That is enough.”

I don’t know where you’re at right now. I don’t know if the things going on in your life would be considered fantastic or horrible. But I’m starting to think that more than anything, the thing God wants to give us all, is a closer relationship with Him. Not stuff. Not relationships. Not success or failure or circumstances. He wants a closer relationship. His presence is the greatest gift He could ever give.

And that’s enough.