#372. The marriage triangle.
I went to a wedding yesterday and it was delightful. NBA star, Shaquille O’neal was staying at our hotel. A fan of Stuff Christians Like brought me a huge bag of Skittles because I mention that candy so often and I was flawless at handing my brother his bride’s ring during the ceremony. (Seriously, I was like a ring handing ninja.) All in all it was pretty perfect, except for one thing – no one mentioned the marriage triangle.
Is that old fashioned? Did we retire it? Seriously, if you guys had a conference without me and voted that we no longer needed the marriage triangle, I’m going to be pretty disappointed. Am I the only one that remembers that geometrical gem from Christian weddings?
The marriage triangle is when a pastor tells the bride and groom that they are starting their lives at opposite points on a triangle. And as they draw closer to the top of the triangle, which is represented by God, they will in turn draw closer to each other.
I wish I knew who invented that. I promise they probably did not get the royalties they deserve. Can you even get royalties on marital sermon illustrations? I hope so, because I am about to suggest a few new ones:
1. The Pentagon of God
Why stop with three sides? Let’s have a five-sided version of this illustration that includes the bride, the groom, God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus. I’m not sure how you tie in the whole draw closer concept but, five is better than three. I think.
2. The Holy Heptagon
Don’t know what a heptagon is? Me either. I had to look it up. A heptagon is a seven sided shape. (Look at us learning on the SCL, on a Saturday night to boot.) What about doing an illustration where you put the bride, the groom, God and all four parents on there? That wouldn’t be a boring shape, would it? Having a shape where your in-laws were quietly lurking and God was somewhere in the mix too. That would be awesome.
3. The Octagon of Outrageousness
If I ever publish a book on Stuff Christians Like, please know I am going to beg the publisher to allow me to write my second idea, which is a book about people that own exotic pets. I would love to write a non-fiction book that just includes dozens of stories that go like this, “I swear, I raised that tiger like a member of the family. That it tried to drag me to a mountain hideaway and eat me is pretty shocking. I just didn’t think Frank had that in him.” With that in mind, why not add a tiger to the illustration. Now in addition to navigating toward God and all four parents, you have to avoid a dangerous beast as well. These shapes just keep getting better.
Hopefully these three shapes will take off and soon people across the world will be warned about the tigers that haunt marriages. Until that happens though I must forgive the two pastors that did my brother’s wedding yesterday for not using the marriage triangle. Dean, pastor of the Well, and my dad both crushed the wedding and made me proud to be wearing a cummerbund. Which is hard to do, because those things are ridiculous.
p.s. One of my favorite moments of the wedding was when a guest from California said to me, “How is Stacy from Louisville doing?”
