#358. Color coding salvation.

One of my favorite things to do is to apply current Christian practices to Biblical times. For some reason, the idea of John the Baptist side hugging people or Jesus teaching Simon the “Hammer of God” Frisbee throw is funny to me.

I do that all the time and I recently wondered if the disciples or other Biblical figures ever used the color coded salvation plan? I included this tube of candy as an example. Different people use different colors and meanings, with some including a blue Holy Spirit, but the basic gist is a color guided walk through from sin to heaven.

I started to think though, did Paul use salvation bracelets? I mean, I know he was really good at what he did, but is it possible that during his tent making days he learned how to make little leather bracelets? Was Timothy in charge of bead acquisition? Was Paul ever in a dark corner of a prison cell quietly singing to himself as he strung beads, “making my bracelets, making my bracelets, making my bracelets for Jesus.”

I am cool with bracelets and candy tubes and anything else that makes it easy to tell someone interested in the gospel. I once teased the evangecube and was promptly reminded by readers that products like that make witnessing across language barriers much easier. So despite teasing them earlier, I have come to see the importance of witnessing tools. But if we really believe in the power of color coding, why haven’t we done it in other areas of our faith?

Why is there not a color code for certain authors or certain types of churches? Why can’t you instantly tell more about someone at church from the series of color coded stickers they have on their Bible? Why haven’t we taken all those crazy colors Crayons have and made a new guide? Surely I can’t be the first person to do this.

The SCL Color Code Guide to Christian Culture
(Each is a real Crayola color)

Bear Hug
If you see this round sticker on a Bible, this person accepts full hugs as well as side hugs.

Goldenrod
A color used to denote a hardcore fan of prosperity ministry.

Vivid Tangerine
Used exclusively to indicate a metrosexual worship leader.

Macaroni and Cheese
This actual color indicates a serious supporter of pot luck dinners. More than likely this person owns several crock pots.

Flesh
Although renamed to “peach” in 1962, this color stands for Joel Osteen. Why? Because the show 60 minutes said he can bench press 300lbs and the color “muscle” was not available. I doubt he can do this. In part because anyone that is as massively muscular as me knows that 315lbs represents three 45 pound weight plates on each side of the bar, which is a goal for many. Rarely does someone call it quits at 300. I am challenging Osteen to a bench press contest. Other writers can argue his theology.

Laser Lemon
The person sporting this color still listens to Stryper.

Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown
This is the color most commonly found in Thomas Kinkade paintings, save for the “light” he adds when the painting is done. Think thatch roof, small cottage, deer frolicking, etc.

Hot Magenta
A color generated when you “love on” someone.

Cerulean
A bluish color generated when you “pour into” someone.

Jazzberry Jam
The color of the message I’ll give if you ever let me come to your church and talk about Christians and sex.

I love this game. If I ever publish a book, this is the kind of thing I will put in the back. Seriously, I could go all day, but it would be even cooler if you played. If you want to, visit this Wikipedia page with all the colors listed. Then post a comment with as many color descriptions as you come up with. Hooray for Tuesday.

p.s. The “Called Out Ones” Dancing Preachers International Conference is in Atlanta this year. I am dead serious when I say that if I ever publish a book and become a Christian thousandaire and have headshots and am important and all such things, I will ask that conference to sponsor me so that I can go, write a ton of posts from it, give them loads of publicity and take Gospel Hip Hop dance lessons.