Comments on: Forgiveness (or lessons from the Cuban torture specialist) http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/ Musings by Jon Acuff Wed, 23 May 2012 16:24:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: thoughtriver http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-121162 thoughtriver Thu, 12 Aug 2010 18:24:50 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-121162 wow, I really identify with this in my life. I too suffered a great betrayal years and years ago. I let it eat away at me far after everyone else involved had gotten on with their lives. In the end, I had to learn this same lesson. I became so freed after letting go of all that bitterness and hate. wow, I really identify with this in my life. I too suffered a great betrayal years and years ago. I let it eat away at me far after everyone else involved had gotten on with their lives. In the end, I had to learn this same lesson. I became so freed after letting go of all that bitterness and hate.

]]> By: kimana83 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-14498 kimana83 Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:19:00 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-14498 Thanks, again, for being so honest. Thanks, again, for being so honest.

]]> By: Spider Monkey all hopped up on Amp! http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-13749 Spider Monkey all hopped up on Amp! Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:28:00 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-13749 The biggest issue that I have with forgiveness is not the limit of forgivness but the idiocy of repeating the same behavior under the 7*70 theory. I don't have to forgive 7*70 because once I see that a particular person is toxic (especially self righteous ones) I avoid them like SARS. I lost a business due to the actions of a member of my church so I will never again engage him in business transactions again. Ripped off once = forgiven once. However the future need to forgive is dramatically reduced because I won't get into that situation. We no longer loan money to church people. If we have extra we GIVE it so we don't have to worry about getting it back. Thus we have to forgive far less often than if we repeated the behavior. It's like the people who forgive someone who molested them as a child. Forgiveness is one thing restoration of the relationship is a whole different thing. <br/><br/>Not everyone is worth having around and there are dirtbags even in the church. A little common sense goes a long way. Sure hating Raul was not the way to go but I seriously doubt that anyone was having him over for a barbecue. The biggest issue that I have with forgiveness is not the limit of forgivness but the idiocy of repeating the same behavior under the 7*70 theory. I don’t have to forgive 7*70 because once I see that a particular person is toxic (especially self righteous ones) I avoid them like SARS. I lost a business due to the actions of a member of my church so I will never again engage him in business transactions again. Ripped off once = forgiven once. However the future need to forgive is dramatically reduced because I won’t get into that situation. We no longer loan money to church people. If we have extra we GIVE it so we don’t have to worry about getting it back. Thus we have to forgive far less often than if we repeated the behavior. It’s like the people who forgive someone who molested them as a child. Forgiveness is one thing restoration of the relationship is a whole different thing.

Not everyone is worth having around and there are dirtbags even in the church. A little common sense goes a long way. Sure hating Raul was not the way to go but I seriously doubt that anyone was having him over for a barbecue.

]]> By: jpu http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-13486 jpu Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:00:00 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-13486 Thanks for your permission to use the Raul the torturer story. I did and gave the name of your blog and you, about minute 26 at<br/>http://www.revelation320.org/my_weblog/2008/07/matthew-6.html<br/><br/>God is good<br/>jpu Thanks for your permission to use the Raul the torturer story. I did and gave the name of your blog and you, about minute 26 at
http://www.revelation320.org/my_weblog/2008/07/matthew-6.html

God is good
jpu

]]> By: nessie http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-12559 nessie Mon, 14 Jul 2008 10:51:00 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-12559 thanks for this post. I was recently hurt by a friend I loved, and still love very much and I've been spending a lot of time thinking about forgiveness. There was a point where I felt like I hadn't let go, and I did a bit of searching. R.T.Kendall says something interesting about the situation I found myself in, after forgiveness - forgiveness doesn't mean that there aren't consequences. I found out something about the person I cared for that completely changed the way I relate to them. I felt better for a while, but sometimes I still also am tempted to get my rage on just by seeing their name! The question I would like to ask everyone here is - what do you do when the person who hurt you refuses to acknowledge that they hurt you - so technically, they don't ASK for forgiveness - they just don't believe they hurt you (?!). I think it's one thing to let go of a dead weight, and another thing to have to have it following you everyday, doing the same things it did to hurt you before, and expecting nothing to change. Just a weird situation I've experienced recently . thanks for this post. I was recently hurt by a friend I loved, and still love very much and I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about forgiveness. There was a point where I felt like I hadn’t let go, and I did a bit of searching. R.T.Kendall says something interesting about the situation I found myself in, after forgiveness – forgiveness doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences. I found out something about the person I cared for that completely changed the way I relate to them. I felt better for a while, but sometimes I still also am tempted to get my rage on just by seeing their name! The question I would like to ask everyone here is – what do you do when the person who hurt you refuses to acknowledge that they hurt you – so technically, they don’t ASK for forgiveness – they just don’t believe they hurt you (?!). I think it’s one thing to let go of a dead weight, and another thing to have to have it following you everyday, doing the same things it did to hurt you before, and expecting nothing to change. Just a weird situation I’ve experienced recently .

]]> By: Michelle in California http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-12436 Michelle in California Sat, 12 Jul 2008 21:02:00 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-12436 Hi Jon, you are a wonderful writer, and I enjoy your blog very much. I wanted to encourage you that it is normal to feel anger, and your hurt and anger do need to be felt and dealt with in healthy ways, and that that is not the same thing as unforgiveness. It is good to set new boundaries with someone who has violated your trust. It's okay to not want to be his best buddy right now. That is not the same thing as unforgiveness. Just be careful what you do with your feelings, don't use them as an excuse to seek revenge, etc. Sometimes writing a strongly worded letter that you never send helps. I've done that before when I was really mad at someone, and I wrote it all in red pen, I was so mad, and I cried my way through the letter, and I didn't stop writing until I was done, and do you know, after that, I really was done. I ripped the whole thing up, and i haven't had an issue with the thing, or the people involved, since. I hope that helps. <br/> Michelle in California Hi Jon, you are a wonderful writer, and I enjoy your blog very much. I wanted to encourage you that it is normal to feel anger, and your hurt and anger do need to be felt and dealt with in healthy ways, and that that is not the same thing as unforgiveness. It is good to set new boundaries with someone who has violated your trust. It’s okay to not want to be his best buddy right now. That is not the same thing as unforgiveness. Just be careful what you do with your feelings, don’t use them as an excuse to seek revenge, etc. Sometimes writing a strongly worded letter that you never send helps. I’ve done that before when I was really mad at someone, and I wrote it all in red pen, I was so mad, and I cried my way through the letter, and I didn’t stop writing until I was done, and do you know, after that, I really was done. I ripped the whole thing up, and i haven’t had an issue with the thing, or the people involved, since. I hope that helps.
Michelle in California

]]> By: Brenda http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-12416 Brenda Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:35:00 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-12416 Great post! I know in my own life, when I have struggled to forgive someone, God reminds me of just how much forgiveness, grace & mercy He has given me--and continues to give me. Even when I didn't (or don't) "deserve it". Jesus died for me KNOWING all the terrible things I would do/say/think. Even knowing the paths I would chose in my BC days. Yet, He loved me and gave Himself for me... *sigh* makes me love Him all the more! Great post! I know in my own life, when I have struggled to forgive someone, God reminds me of just how much forgiveness, grace & mercy He has given me–and continues to give me. Even when I didn’t (or don’t) “deserve it”. Jesus died for me KNOWING all the terrible things I would do/say/think. Even knowing the paths I would chose in my BC days. Yet, He loved me and gave Himself for me… *sigh* makes me love Him all the more!

]]> By: eastern ky pastor http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-12395 eastern ky pastor Sat, 12 Jul 2008 04:54:00 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-12395 "Don't Hate Raul" belongs in the dictionary.<br/><br/>Another thing about forgiveness is to remember that it is a <b>process</b>. It isn't a quick, I forgive you and move on. That's not forgiveness; that's avoidance or pretending that you didn't get hurt. Forgiveness begins with saying, "I have a right to demand justice, but I am dropping the charges." <br/><br/>But, that is only the start. Healing of the injury and the relationship takes time, just like ever other way God changes us. When you forgive someone, you are making a commitment to the process of being reconciled with the one who injured you, for however long it takes. “Don’t Hate Raul” belongs in the dictionary.

Another thing about forgiveness is to remember that it is a process. It isn’t a quick, I forgive you and move on. That’s not forgiveness; that’s avoidance or pretending that you didn’t get hurt. Forgiveness begins with saying, “I have a right to demand justice, but I am dropping the charges.”

But, that is only the start. Healing of the injury and the relationship takes time, just like ever other way God changes us. When you forgive someone, you are making a commitment to the process of being reconciled with the one who injured you, for however long it takes.

]]> By: tina http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-12386 tina Sat, 12 Jul 2008 03:14:00 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-12386 Thank you Jon. There are some people including myself that I need to forgive. While I'm not there yet, your blog helps me. Thank you Jon. There are some people including myself that I need to forgive. While I’m not there yet, your blog helps me.

]]> By: Karyn http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/comment-page-1/#comment-12382 Karyn Sat, 12 Jul 2008 02:52:00 +0000 http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/07/339-forgiveness-or-lessons-from-the-cuban-torture-specialist/#comment-12382 Yes, forgiveness can be a difficult thing. A friend recently shared another example: Resentment/unforgiveness is liking drinking poison hoping it will kill the other person. That's insane and it only hurts us. They're not even aware of how we are feeling.<br/><br/>And I've also thought a lot lately about Jesus telling the parable of the servant who was forgiven a massive debt, then had his fellow servant thrown in prison for not repaying a small debt. Jesus died for our sins--all of them--massive amounts of them. How tough should it be for us to forgive one (or even several) sin(s) committed against us? This is something I have to remind myself of everytime I'm tempted to hold a resentment. Yes, forgiveness can be a difficult thing. A friend recently shared another example: Resentment/unforgiveness is liking drinking poison hoping it will kill the other person. That’s insane and it only hurts us. They’re not even aware of how we are feeling.

And I’ve also thought a lot lately about Jesus telling the parable of the servant who was forgiven a massive debt, then had his fellow servant thrown in prison for not repaying a small debt. Jesus died for our sins–all of them–massive amounts of them. How tough should it be for us to forgive one (or even several) sin(s) committed against us? This is something I have to remind myself of everytime I’m tempted to hold a resentment.

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