300. Civil wars between the pastor and the worship leader.

Sometimes, this relationship is more like the marriage between Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. They’re just in different places. He’s an old school preacher that thought at the end of the movie Footloose, the kids should have gotten in trouble for dancing. She’s a fresh on fire worship leader that loves Chris Tomlin and Steve Fee and wants to do praise songs. They push and pull on the service, trying to take the experience in completely different directions. They fight in silence and completely baffle the members, who can’t understand how such a fundamental fire and brimstone sermon can be preceded by a riveting performance of Nathasha Bedingfield’s song, “Unwritten.”

It’s a pretty scattered situation and I thought I would offer some possible ways to deal with it. And since I have been neither a pastor or a worship leader, I feel pretty highly qualified to offer advice:

First of all, God loves Frisbee and people that play it. Second of all, sometimes the road to communication starts with getting out of the building. Try to learn about each other outside of the context of each other’s resume. If you’re a guy and girl team, obviously be smart about the ways you interact, but take the time to invest in each other’s lives.

If you’re at a church that is 99% traditional and you want it to be an aggressive, culture-focused, contemporary church, you might need to change jobs. It’s OK for you to not fit somewhere. God didn’t make us for everywhere. He made us with unique skills and talents. When you’re honest about them, it’s easier to see if you are where you need to be.

This is the oldest trick in the world. If I wanted to get a moped, which I do, I would talk to my wife about my brother’s moped in Nashville. I would probe the topic by saying something like, “Will sure is saving gas money right now with that moped.” If she says, “Really? Maybe we should think about that” then I’ve opened up a new conversation. If she says, “Really? I personally like wasting fossil fuels,” then I’ll know the time isn’t right and my wife apparently likes to say the phrase “fossil fuels.” But seriously, say to your worship leader or pastor, “Hey, I read this blog today about worship leaders and pastors. Would you say we are a ‘Hall and Oates’ or a ‘Kevin Federline and Britney Spears?’”

Few things unite people like having a shared enemy. Maybe the two of you should start working together against the lady that runs the handbells or the puppet ministry. Say to the worship leader, “I heard that handbell lady was talking trash about your guitar playing recently.” Suddenly, you won’t be the bad guy. You’ll be on the same team. What? Creating enemies isn’t very Christian of me? True. What about coming up with a common goal instead? America was intensely united when it came time to put a man on the moon. In less than a decade we had pulled together resources and hopes and dreams in one concentrated effort. Come up with a shared goal. Like reaching college students in your area with a special Friday night event. A shared goal can even be more powerful than a shared enemy and exponentially more Christian in nature.

When I don’t get along with someone at work, that sucks because it impacts the other four people on my team. But when ministers and worship leaders don’t gel, the whole church can suffer. If that’s where you are at today, I hope you’ll start heading toward Hall and Oates as fast as you can.