#37. Abstinence

I’m a huge fan of abstinence, especially now that I’m married and don’t have to follow it. But I almost left it off this list because I think despite how much we like the idea of abstinence, we’ve done a really poor job explaining the benefits. Here’s what usually happens for 13-year old Christian boys. Their parents or their youth leader says, “Look, you should stay pure and not have sex so that you keep your marriage holy.” That’s their first option. Then the world says to them, “Look at me! Sex is wild and fun and neon and loud and whoa Spring Break!” And as a 13-year old that was an easy decision for me to make. (And if you believe that the pursuit of holiness alone will inspire your 13-year old son first let me say that’s adorable, and second I honestly hope he does not come in contact with one of the 25% of teenage girls in this country that has an STD.)

Here’s what we should be saying about abstinence. The best reason not to have sex until you’re married is that it makes your sex life so much better after you’re married. When you don’t bring baggage into a sexual marriage relationship things get wild a lot faster. You get to have crazy, awesome, Prince type sex. There’s no memories of other people, no hang ups to work through. It’s just you and your wife getting ridiculous and enjoying the hot sexy good time that holiness makes possible. This is what it sounds like, when doves cry.