Comments on: Saying "I thought marriage would change things."

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 22:12:07 +0000

Ugh, I’m 23, so many of my friends who got married right out of high school are divorced or close to it. I’m not saying that marrying young is necessarily bad (I’ve been married for 4 years =P), but right now I have a very good view of what happens when people get married thinking that marriage will make it better. So many people I know (certainly not just Christians) get married assuming that their trust issues, especially, will magically be solved if they say “I do”.

I know that our premarital counseling stressed that a common mistake made, especially by women, is the assumption that if they get married they will be able to change the other person. They think “I love everything about him except his drinking, but I can change that” or “I love him so much, except when he cheats on me. If we were married he’d change though.”

By: CC

CC — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 23:39:25 +0000

Yes. Let’s don’t.

By: JRock Underwood

JRock Underwood — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 06:14:45 +0000

Are you serious?
Maybe you should read #39.
Can you find me even one person who is absolutely baggage free before they get married?
Both my husband and I have issues that date back to our teenage years or earlier. We have an amazing marriage, and actively support each other as we work through our personal crap.

That said, finding a quality Christian counsellor is the bomb. There are a lot of rubbish ones out there, but the smart, empathetic and intuitive ones are pure gold.

By: thoughtriver

thoughtriver — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 20:05:26 +0000

AMEN preach it brother.

By: Ruby Leigh

Ruby Leigh — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:15:00 +0000

Okay.. I know this is a super old post, but while I’m quite sure we do this, but not quite sure we “like” this. Just being technical I guess, but you know what I am saying. Of course, this blog is about the ironic and fairly universal things Christians do more than it is about things they like. At any rate, Christians will often get blinders going into marriage because of the umm… you know, but don’t really consider all of the other elements. Also, I think there is still a mentality amongst Christians that you are almost immune to divorce or a “bad marriage”

By: Prodigal Jon

Prodigal Jon — Fri, 30 May 2008 18:32:00 +0000

Jason -
I don’t think completely being baggage free is possible. I think baggage or sin, is not something we ever completely shake on this side of death. I do however think that people abuse your idea, that is “God will breathe into this issue.” In my life, I have seen way more marriages hurt by guys that say “God will deal with this in his time” vs. “I hurt my marriage by doing too much work on my baggage.”
Jon

By: jason gabriel leonard

jason gabriel leonard — Fri, 30 May 2008 18:21:00 +0000

Not sure I agree with the whole idea of not going in to marriage with baggage. While God is ready and willing to breathe life into all the dead places of your world at any time, I can’t imagine a better venue to find real, deep healing than marriage – it’s just that it should be seen as a gift, not an expectation.

By: elrj

elrj — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:15:00 +0000

AMEN.

And can I just say, this is why pre-marital boot-camp-like counseling is KEY. Get those issues out and start tackling them. Whenever someone says something like that “I though marriage would fix it” I wonder “what pastor/community let these young fools take that baggage in with them without intervening first?”

By: Ethan

Ethan — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 02:33:00 +0000

Its such a shame the state of marriages today in general. Here are my thoughts on marriage. Hope it helps someone.

By: Lazer

Lazer — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:32:00 +0000

I totally get what you are saying here. So many people are forcing relationships because they are “comfortable” in them and they don’t want the uncertainty of a new relationship. They think that when they get married all of the problems will disappear. NEWSFLASH:
if you need counseling before you get married, you probably shouldn’t even be dating! I highly attribute this to the rise of divore rates in the world.