Recently I did a post about noticing typos in the worship music. The comments on that post were funnier than the post. Here are the best, completely real, typos people have noticed at church:

1. “Lord, You are more precious than silver… Lord, You are more costly than golf.”

2. Easter. The line was supposed to read “We were naked and poor” but instead it read “We were naked and poop.” Quite possibly the best typo of all time. I could not stop laughing for the rest of the song. It was epic.

3. ‘Defender of the week’ like Jesus is getting an award for being great at sports.

4. When we lived in Latin America: the line in the song was supposed to be “levantando manos santas” (lifting holy hands) but they wrote “monos” (monkeys) instead of “manos” and put that on the screen. Lifting holy monkeys. Um hmm. People standing around us thought the shekinah glory had come over us.

5. “Our God is greeter, our God is stronger.” I like that image. God greeting us as we walk into church. He’s like the little old lady who shakes our hands, only…He is God and God gives high fives! I assumed they left out the “a” and forgot to embrace the contraction, so I sing: “Our God’s a greeter.”

6. I made the power points for our colleges ministry and had a slide that, instead of saying Jesus my closest friend, said Jesus my closet friend. Don’t know how many people’s experience I ruined.

7. When I saw “Oh Lord Your Beautiful”, I wanted to stab my eyes. But I chose to say nothing. It was years ago. The fact that I still remember it means something.

8. I’ve noticed that, when we are singing “How He Loves,” the phrase “sloppy wet” gets misspelled to “unforeseen.” Not even close! C’mon, media team!

9. Lion of God turned into “Loin of God.” Fail. My bad.

10. I create the lyric sheets for our small fellowship, and one Sunday the “strumpets” were calling during Days of Elijah. Oops.

11. The slide said “four our sins He died.” Someone behind me asked if we’re on our own for the fifth sin.

12. The best one I have seen was: Amazon love, how can it be?

13. I’m personally a fan of “Angles We Have Heard on High” at Christmastime. I always assume they are right angles.

14. I once attended a performance of Handel’s “Messiah” where the phrase “surely He has borne our griefs” was printed as “surely He has borne our briefs” in the programs given to the audience. I laughed for a while.

15. My favorite? It was in the song “The Great I Am.” “Holy, Holy, Guacamole…”

16. My favorite is not a song lyric–it’s a typo in the Lord’s Prayer: “forgive us our debits as we forgive our debitors…” Not exactly the same meaning.

Did Jesus ever smoke a cigar in the Bible?

I haven’t read every translation, but is there one that includes him and Peter watching the sun go down over the sea of Galilee while enjoying a cigar?

There must have been, because every Christian knows you can smoke cigars.

And pipes?

Those are practically Biblical, probably in the Old Testament if I had to guess.

Why?

Because two of our most influential theologians were known to smoke pipes. Who?

C.S. Lewis and Gandalf.

But cigarettes? Oh the shame! You pull out a pack of unfiltered Lucky Strikes and light up, then people start praying for you.

Pull out a cigar? Completely different story.

Are they both made of tobacco? Do they both in the long run give you cancer? Sure, but a cigar is completely different from a cigarette. I’m pretty sure Paul smoked them. Lot of people don’t know this, but when he got shipwrecked he was actually on Cuba. That dude loved Cohibas.

Even more confusing than that discussion is the “clove cigarette.” That might be the most perfect example of smoking in the world but not of the world.

Is this ridiculous? It is. But I promise you I’ve heard this discussion from countless Christians.

Tell me I’m wrong.

Disclaimer: If you’re a teenager under the age of 18, please don’t smoke anything, except your algebra exam! I was going to put an age verification box on this post that asked you how old you are because no one ever lies on those things, but I didn’t have time.  

The worst humans on the planet are the couple who have an incredibly easy baby. Their kid never cries or screams. Their kid goes to bed peacefully and eats more than just chicken strips for dinner. Their kid is learning Mandarin and knows how to walk.

And when I have friends like that, I immediately pray, “Lord, in heaven, please bless them with a normal kid. Someone who cries for no reason and eats crayons and fights bed time like Wayne fought Kevin on the Wonder Years. In your name, Amen.”

Have you ever prayed this?

Spoiler alert: the answer is yes.

Yes, humor should matter to Christians, but why?

Why should laughter and humor have a place within faith?

It hasn’t always. I’ve never heard an atheist say, “I’m not a Christian, but wow, do they have a great sense of humor!” (If you have ever heard that, please let me know so that I can mail you a box of Thin Mints.)

That said, there are a lot of funny Christians doing funny things right now and maybe the tide is turning.

But again, why?

Why does laughter matter in faith?

The answer, funny enough, is in the Bible.

Keep Reading —›

If Jesus called your cell phone, you’d answer. You’d probably wonder how he got his photo in your phone. Or how his contact info came up without you making a profile for him. I don’t care if you’re an atheist, you’re not kicking Jesus to voice mail.

And you know he’d be calling from an iPhone.

Jesus hates Droid.

Look it up. That’s in Luke I think.

And quit making stuff like this. It’s dumb.

How’s that for a headline?

Yowza! Allow me to explain.

My wife Jenny can’t stand public displays of affection. She’s a private person and thinks that making out in public is awkward.

Recognizing that as the mature husband I am, I invented a game called “Jon tries to kiss Jenny on the mouth.” It’s an amazing game but, for years, I didn’t have video evidence.

Until today.

About a month ago, I spoke at Catalyst in Dallas. After my speech, they surprised me by having Dave Ramsey and my family join me on stage. Dave flew them down to celebrate Start hitting the New York Times list.

It’s a pretty awesome moment, and one that certainly highlights Dave’s generosity and willingness to celebrate.

It’s also a pretty funny moment of me trying to kiss Jenny in front of 5,000 people.

Enjoy!

I need to get something off my chest.

I need to be transparent and authentic (words Christians love).

I need to confess something.

Whenever the minister asks us to close our eyes so that people can raise their hands indicating a salvation moment, I peek.

That’s a lie. I don’t peek.

I look.

I count hands.

I survey the room in an ocular way. (That’s fancy talk for eyeballs. I’m wicked smart these days.)

I look. I can’t help myself, and it turns out I’m not alone. A few months ago, after just such a bow-your-head moment, my wife said to me, “Hey that biker guy gave his life to Christ.”

I immediately shamed her for looking and judged her. That’s part of being a Proverbs 32 husband. Look it up, it’s in there.

Now it’s your turn. You ready to come clean?

Have you ever looked during the salvation moment?

I think even Jesus might hurt his foot when he steps on a lego.

After all, he does know what it is like to be human.

Regardless though, it appears that a group called “#weoccupyJesus” reinvented the walking on water scene with legos.

Well done. I think the reactions of the disciples are the best part of the whole thing.