I am about to owe a dollar to my 6-year-old.
Maybe even two dollars, which is the little kid equivalent of 19 million dollars.
At least that’s what my dad would do in this situation.
When I was a boy, he would pay me and my brothers a dollar if he used us in a sermon illustration. Though I’m not a pastor, and this isn’t a sermon, I’m about to show you the gospel in four pictures, and they’re not mine.
They’re my daughter’s.
Dear Sunday School,
Wow, where do I even begin? It’s been so long since we last talked. Fifteen years at least. I used to go see you in college on the Sundays I would go to church. There you were, faithful and true. No jumping around during the week for you. Like an old friend, you were always waiting for me in the same spot each week. At church, spooning right up against the service.
I could double dip.
I could knock out both at once. Church and Sunday School were the perfect team, like chocolate and peanut butter, frog and toad, Kim Kardashian and a professional athlete/Kanye.
Ahh, see that last joke was unnecessary. That was more The Soup and less the SCL. I probably wouldn’t have even made it if you were still around. But you’ve been gone for a while now.
We collectively decided you were old-fashioned. We felt like you were too restrictive, too old-school, the bad kind of old-school, not the good kind, like the neon colors that have zombie-crawled their way back from the 80s and are dominating the planet right now.
I am more awkward than you. You probably feel like you are awkward, but you don’t have 5,000 witnesses to something awkward you did two weeks ago.
I do.
I was speaking at the Orange Conference in Atlanta. A guy named Reggie Joiner puts it on with his team at Rethink. They’re a bunch of geniuses, and you should check out what they do.
Reggie interviewed me from stage which was awesome because Andy Stanley spoke right before me. And one of the first rules of public speaking is “never follow Andy Stanley.”
The interview was a blast. We talked about the role leaders need to play with social media. When it was all done, I stood up from a chair I had been desperately trying not to fall off, and then made a decision:
(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Claire Stevens… If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)
Doing the Holy Shuffle
No, I’m not referring to Saturday Night Fever moves that have been subtly modified to be church-disco-appropriate.
As a Christian who doesn’t drive and who takes a lot of buses, I have plenty of opportunities for time with God, listening to worship on my iPod. I’m worshipping, just with my mostly-inside-my-head worship voice. Sometimes muted sounds escape from the back of my throat. It’s like Crash Test Dummies’ Mmm mmm mmm mmm vs. Michael W. (Some people call him “Smitty.” Not me.)
Sometimes though I don’t know which kind of Christian music I feel like listening to. Will it be Hillsong United – the espresso-shot of worship I need first thing in the morning, even though I’m much too old and un-bouncy to be in the target demographic? Should it be something soothing and peaceful? If I’m wearing a hoodie, should I go for one of the three songs with rap sections?
And then I remember: I don’t need to decide. The iPod has a shuffle function. It goes something like this:
Many Christians reach a point in their small group relationship where they realize, “This isn’t working anymore. I need to see other small groups.”
It’s a tricky situation, fraught with unique challenges. Do you take the passive-aggressive route: Just stop showing up? Make excuses until eventually they stop calling?
Can you skip group without looking like you’re skipping God, because you still love him, right? Do you organize a mutiny and try to take other couples with you? “I can’t keep studying the book of Job. I’m making a break for it; we’re starting a new group and heading to the border of the New Testament. I think we’ve got room for two other people in our car. Three, if someone will sit in the way back, but Hank and Stacey aren’t going to be able to make it. Don’t look back. Just run. Run!”
I’m doing more public speaking right now than I have ever done.
And usually, before I step on stage to share an idea with a crowd, I have a conversation with God in my head.
It goes something like this:
Me: God, are you sure you want me up there on that stage?
God: I do.
Me: Are you sure? I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Do you know what I’ve done?
God: I do.
Me: It was pretty big.
God: Was it? Everything looks small in the shadow of the cross.
And then I walk on stage.
But at the heart of that conversation is a problem. A trick the devil loves to play on us. A trick so devious that I had to draw it out to show you what I mean.
A few weeks ago at church, I sat next to a couple who were doing a play-by-play analysis on the entire service. From the very first worship song to the very last announcement, they were talking about the service. Usually people who talk about what they would have done in a football game on Monday are called “Monday Morning Quarterbacks,” but this was a new level of fascinating I’d never experienced before.
It was kind of like watching the director’s commentary on a DVD, which is always a disappointing experience. I remember being excited to watch the director’s commentary on the movie “Say Anything.” I thought there would be some sort of magical exchange between the director and John Cusack when they discussed the scene where he held up the boombox over his head. Some sort of deep wisdom or off-the-cuff nugget about that pivotal moment.
Instead, it went something like this:
Director: Remember that scene.
John Cusack: Yeah, I do.
Director: What tape was actually in the boombox?
John Cusack: I think it was Fishbone.
Director: Really?
John Cusack: Yeah, maybe.
Director: Oh.
If you want to Instagram that dialog feel free. It’s riveting.
Would the director’s commentary of the church service prove to be more interesting? Would they top John Cusack with their analysis? Would there be any part they didn’t discuss loudly? So many questions and, as time has proven, so many thoughts went through my head:
I don’t need the table of contents in my Bible. In fact, I’m so holy I ripped it out and rolled it up into a homemade shofar horn to call my kids down to dinner. But that’s so paper of me, declaring my holiness by proving I know exactly where the book of Joel is based on my constant reading of the Bible. That’s 1997. Not relevant. Not postmodern or whatever the word we care most about is right now.
How do we update that idea? How, in 2012, can you really tell if someone is holy?
By looking at where they keep their Bible app on their smart phone.
Not all locations are created equal. App geography matters tremendously and, fortunately, I put together a pretty simple guide.
The Bible App Holiness Guide or (BAHG)
Continue Reading…
(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one by Nate Whitson. You can check out his blog here and follow him on Twitter @natewhitson1. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)
Growing Up At Small Church
When I was a kid I went to a small, country church. Everyone should have a chance to grow up in a church like the one I did. Why? Because small church has so many things to offer that big church just can’t deliver. If that compelling reason wasn’t enough, then here are 5 more killer reasons you should leave your church with all the ministry coolness and opportunities you have there and find the smallest, most countriest church you can find. (that’s how we say “really country” in small churches) If not for you, do it for your kids so that they can have something to blog about when they get older. Jobs are going to be tough to come by in 2030 I hear.
4 killer reasons it’s better to grow up at a small church (do you say “killer” at big churches?):
@Sunzeri so true! Link
@mjdmook19 that is a fantastic fortune cookie Link
Just saw an ad for "Kraft Anything Dressing" or "How to not feel bad about putting Ranch on everything dressing." Link
@randomlychad ha! that could be a t-shirt Link
I stand corrected. Season 3 is solid. Season 4 of Parks & Rec was iffy. I forget the abundance of Lil Sebastian in season 3. Link
Stuff Christians Like is written by
Jonathan Acuff.
It was started on March 21, 2008.
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