“Never offend someone who has a Rottweiler in their profile photo and is in charge of the unofficial Eazy-E fan club.”

That’s a lesson in Twitter etiquette I learned the wrong way. I’ll be teaching folks everything I know about Twitter at the Quitter Conference on February 10 & 11, but that’s a free nugget of wisdom for you.

In my defense, that terrifying gentleman with the threatening vocabulary misinterpreted what I had said about Eazy-E, the 1980s rapper.

Here’s what I tweeted from @jonacuff:

Every time I see Dr. Dre optimizing computers in that HP commercial, I think, “This is exactly what NWA was all about.”

I wasn’t making fun of Easy-E. I was making a social commentary on the unexpected career trajectory of Dr. Dre. There’s not a person alive who heard Dr. Dre in the 1980s and thought, “You know what this guy will be doing in the future? Optimizing computers for Hewlett Packard.”

Next thing I know, I’m involved in a tweet battle with a guy in Compton.

Lesson learned.

But in addition to picking up wisdom like that on Twitter, I discovered something else really interesting the other day. And it came to me in the form of a virus.

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If people are honest in Hudson, Massachusetts, they’ll tell you that, in the eighth grade, I absolutely dominated our church’s dramatic interpretation of Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror.”

Words like “lyrical poetry” and “unstoppable rhythm” come to mind when I think about my ability to tell a story on stage with my dancing. Bottom line: When it comes to church skits, I had the moves like Jagger. I work out.

Pop culture jambalaya!

But just the other day, it hit me, “I haven’t seen a church skit in years!” And they’ve not just gone missing from my church. I visited 20 different churches in 2011 and saw neither hide nor hair of a church skit. No couple before the sermon that is having marriage problems to set the scene. No youth group car crash “I wish we’d all been ready for Jesus” skit. Nary a ribbon was twirled nor a gloved hand was mimed.

Did I miss the memo?

Did we vote skits out of the building?

Did video kill the skit star?

Does your church do skits during service?

Dear Baptists, Methodists, etc.,

I rewrote this first sentence 14 times because I didn’t know how to break the news to you. So I’m just going to come right out with it.

We are missing out.

For years, decades, maybe even centuries, we’ve been getting the short end of the stick. How do I know?

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Two weeks ago, I mentioned Bob Goff as someone who inspires me. And part of the reason I dig Bob so much is his undying love for parades. (If you read Donald Miller’s book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, then you know about the Goff family’s parade tradition.)

The short story is they started a parade in their neighborhood. And the only rule is that no one is allowed to watch, but anybody can participate.

That sounds silly, but years later hundreds of people have joined this New Year’s Day tradition and discovered the joy of being in a parade with lots of lots of people you love.

This year, the Grand Marshal was a boy named Rodrick from Uganda who has an amazing story.

Bob’s son Richard made a short video about the experience. I thought it was beautiful and perfectly shareable for a Saturday such as this one.

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Ben Cotten. He writes a blog over at bencotten.net. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

The Clap Offering – By Ben Cotten

I grew up in a non-denominational church that did “modern” worship before it was cool. Granted, what we did wasn’t exactly Hillsong United, but it did involve an overhead projector and a PA system. It was the 7-11 approach to worship music. 7 words, sung 11 times. Remember “I Exalt Thee”? Ever heard that song done 11 times with a polka beat? You haven’t lived.

A lot of things have changed since then, but one thing has not.

The Clap Offering.

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A few months ago I wrote a post called “Hearing your name for the first time.” It was about how the prodigal son thought he was no longer worthy to be called a son, and how God kept saying “you are mine” over and over again in response.

And though it’s not Wednesday, I found two videos that captures that moment perfectly. Because along the way we all hear voices. Voices that tell us we’re not good enough for God. Or we’ve blown it too many times to ever step through the doors of a church. Or if we could just stop doing that thing we keep doing, God would be happy with us. Some of us have heard those voices so long they’ve become like soundtracks for our lives. But into that noise, into that clutter, I think God loves to speak the truth. I think he loves to give us our real name, our real identities, and our real freedom.

It reminded me of these videos. A bajillion people have seen them, and you might have too. The first is a girl who was born deaf, finally getting to hear for the first time at the age of 29. The second video of a deaf baby hearing for the first time, and the moment he smiles so big that he drops the pacifier is unbelievable.

A weird thing happened to my generation.

A lot of us grew up thinking of church as strict and fundamentalist and a buzz kill. Christians got a reputation of being hypocritical and close minded and constantly protesting anyone who didn’t agree with them.

You drink beer? Enjoy your fold out couch in hell.
You watch movies that aren’t rated G? Gonna be a hot one in the fiery furnace.
You listen to music that’s not Christian? It starts with “h” and ends in “ades.”

Was everyone’s church experience like this? Not at all. But for me and a large group of people, this was the perception we grew up with of faith. So what did I do in reaction to that?

I boomeranged the other direction. I was so afraid of being labeled judgmental or close-minded or fundamentalist that I over corrected in the other direction.

I realized this while jogging the other day while listening to Kanye West and Jay-Z. I was listening to their song “No Church in the Wild.”

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I feel like over the years of SCL rambunctiousness I’ve been pretty clear about two t-shirts I think Christians should make. Here’s what the t-shirts would say on the front:

1. “I attend night services at church.”
This one would allow you to jog on Sunday morning without getting judged by people driving to church. (e.g. “me”) Because my first thought is never, “I bet that runner went to church on Saturday night.” My first thought is usually, “Worshipping at the temple of flat abs? I see. Good to know.”

2. “I direct deposit my tithe.”
This would allow you to hot potato the offering plate without getting judged as miserly by your pew radius or row neighbors if you will.

But, much like my idea for a cologne that smells like old hymnals called “For Hymn,” my t-shirt ideas have fallen on deaf ears. Until today.

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I don’t sing at church with my hands raised.

Why?

Mostly because I have really muscular arms, and it’s distracting to other people at church. Blocks the view and whatnot. It’s worship time, not gun show time. And I’m considerate that way.

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What’s your blog?

What’s your cause? What’s your band? What’s your book?

What’s the link you want people to see more than anything else?

I hereby declare this “Shameless Saturday.”

Post a link to whatever it is you’re all about, with no shame or apologizing or feeling like you’re making a comment on a post you really don’t care about but are instead secretly trying to pimp your own blog. (I’ve done that myself many times. The best way to do it is to say, “That’s an interesting post. It reminds me of something I wrote recently on my blog ….” Sometimes when people do that, it’s actually a good link to something they wrote that is similar to what was written on another post. But when I was trying to build my blog that was something that I always tried to do.)

Please, use the comments this weekend to let us know about your blog or your cause or your band or your whatever. The Internets are so big it’s hard to find everything cool. (I try to do Shameless Saturday once a season, so please consider this the winter 2012 edition.)

Tell us what’s up in the comments with a link.