I’m traveling right now more than I ever have before. As of this moment, I’ve got a bunch of speaking gigs booked for 2012 and a couple for 2013. There’s a chance that number will increase. And as I’ve mentioned often, my wife and I are trying to be really deliberate about staying connected as the shape of our lives shifts a little bit.

But in doing that, I ran across a dangerous lie that wounds countless marriages.

I bumped into it after the 49th person said to me, “I don’t know if I could travel like that and be away from my wife and kids that much.”

And here’s the lie hidden inside that statement:

“You need a plane ticket to be distant from your family.”

You don’t. You just need an iPhone. Or a laptop. Or a million other media distractions we throw our lives at.

I have friends who travel less than me but are less present in their marriages because when they’re home, they’re not really home.

Physically they’re home. Their bodies are there, but emotionally they’re gone. They’re playing World of Warcraft or spending all day on Twitter or reading blogs. They’re bathed in the white glow of a screen, all the while feeling glad that they’re not on the road.

The crazy thing is that this kind of disconnection is so subtle. When I get on a plane and go to Houston for 36 hours, that’s obvious. That’s big and bold on a calendar. I’m clearly out of town, and my wife and I have to work around that to make sure the trip doesn’t disconnect us.

Not so with virtual travel. An hour online, 17 tweets during what’s supposed to be a day with the family, a “let me just check my email for a second” that turns into 27 minutes–those things are sneaky. That kind of separation builds up slowly and then blows up when you least expect it.

Don’t believe for a second that you need a plane ticket to be distant from your spouse. Keeping a marriage connected and engaged and in motion is not easy. For me, when I’m on the road. And, for you, when you’re on the iPhone.

When we’re home, let’s be home.

Question:
Do you ever have to travel for work?