A few weeks ago, I was supposed to run in an event called “The Warrior Dash.” It’s a 5K obstacle course that involves mud, fire, water and Viking helmets. I’d signed up for it months ago. But 24 hours before the event, I decided not to go.

Why?

Because I’m trying to disappoint the right people in my life.

For years, I thought, if I lived a perfect life, I could make everyone happy and never disappoint anyone. I know that’s a foolish thought, but people-pleasers like me are constantly intoxicated with thoughts like that.

But the day before the race I realized something: I was going to be out of town for the next three weekends. I speak at the Dave Ramsey Live Events and we were headed out to visit three different cities.

I had a choice to make.

I could either disappoint my kids and tell them, “Hey, on the Saturday before I’m gone for three Saturdays in a row, I’m going to spend five hours running in a race instead of hanging out with you.”

Or

I could disappoint my friends and tell them, “I’ve got to bail on the Warrior Dash.”

I decided to disappoint my friends. And the funny thing is that three of them had already decided not to run the race for the same reason. We hadn’t trained together for it, running over fire or through mud in the weeks before, and we weren’t that invested in it.

So instead of doing the race, I spent the entire Saturday with my wife and kids at a botanical garden. It was an amazing day, and I felt instantly like I had made the right decision.

In your life, you’re going to disappoint people, people who want your time or your input or your attendance. And often you won’t be able to give it to them. But it’s okay to disappoint people, as long as you make sure you’re disappointing the right people.

The biggest lesson for me was to not say “yes” to things I am ultimately going to say “no” to. When my friends asked me to run in the race, I should have looked at my calendar, seen the travel I had scheduled for this fall, and said “no.” But I didn’t want to disappoint them, so I agreed to it. Which only amplified the disappointment of me eventually saying no 24 hours before the race.

Don’t tell polite lies, like “Let’s grab coffee sometime” when you have no intention of doing that.

Don’t believe the internal lie that you have to say “yes” to everything and will never disappoint anyone.

You will disappoint people. That’s going to happen. There’s great freedom in realizing that.

Just make sure when you have to disappoint someone, you disappoint the right people.

Question:
Have you ever struggled with saying “no” to someone?