1 question I am wrestling with.

A few months ago I had the opportunity to have a few conversations with a guy named Bob Goff. Donald Miller wrote about him in his latest book and he spoke at Catalyst in LA so you might be familiar with him. He’s an amazing guy and I’ll probably mention him a billion times in the months ahead on this blog.

One of the things we talked about was the challenge of balancing your family and your job and your dreams. The question I walked away from that particular conversation is simple but powerful:

“Do my spouse and kids get the best of my time and creativity or the rest of my time and my creativity?”

The truth is, all too often, they get the leftovers. The remains of the day. The bits of pieces something else has not already claimed.

I don’t like that. I don’t want that. I don’t see that as success.

I think there are a million possible reasons for this:

1. I’m competitive and insecure and feel like I’ve already “won” their affection so I need to focus on all these other new people to win over.

2. Real relationships with 3D people are messy, it’s easier to hide out in social media with 2D people.

3. Each year I read a dozen books about creativity and leadership and rarely read books about being a better dad or husband.

I could go on and on about the reasons this happens, but right now, I’m really interested in the solutions to this particular situation.

One for me is going to be my relationship with my iPhone. I don’t want my wife and kids to remember me as someone constantly bathed in the glow of that device. If my kids one day draw a picture of daddy, I don’t want their clearest memory to be of the top of my head as I am hunched down focused on a device that is never “done.”

So when I get home after work, I’m going to use my iPhone less when the kids are awake. I’m going to be deliberate with how and when I’m using it on the weekends. I’m going to make sure that I don’t pretend quality time with my wife is not interrupted by me constantly checking blogs or twitter or facebook on my iPhone.

Is that groundbreaking? No. Is that even unique to me? No. Will I beat myself up in abject failure if I’m not perfect at these particular boundaries? No. Will that work for you? Maybe not. Some people are much better at breaking the digital bounds of the Internet or the iPhone. I struggle with that. And ultimately, I’m not the one who has to answer the question for your family. You are. So here it is again:

“Do my spouse and kids get the best of my time and creativity or the rest of my time and my creativity?”